A. Zavarelli - Stutter (Bleeding Hearts Book 2) Page 5

  “Jesus, Norma,” I sputtered.

  “He was right,” she said. “All I’ve been doing is hurting the people I love. For so many years because I couldn’t see past my own misery. Losing Frankie, and then thinking he was going to come take you two away from me whenever he saw fit, well it scared the living hell out of me. I guess I tried to disconnect from all of it in the best way I knew how.”

  “So you really… you gave it all up,” I said.

  “I’m trying my best, Brighton.” She stared down at her linked fingers with watery eyes. “But I’m not going to make any promises other than to say that I’m going to keep on trying. Ryland’s a good man for helping me this way, though he doesn’t want to admit it himself. He’s filled with so much pain though that I worry. I worry about you with him. But he’s come to see me a couple of times, and it seems like he’s trying too.”

  “He has?” I asked. “He came to visit you?”

  She nodded, wiping away the tears from her eyes. “He seems lonely. Misses you a lot.”

  “Oh.” I glanced down at my shoes. “Well, I’m really glad you’re here, and that he’s helping you this way, but it doesn’t change anything between me and Ryland.”

  “He told me that’s what you’d say.” She smiled. “But he wants to Brighton. He wants you to hear him out.”

  “So that’s what this is all about?” I crossed my arms and started to close myself off again, thinking it had all been some sort of trick.

  “No.” Norma shook her head. “I wasn’t supposed to say anything either way. But you know I’ve never been good at holding my tongue.”

  I blinked up at her and held back a sob as she leaned forward and clasped my hand in hers. It was the closest she’d come to motherly affection in as long as I could remember.

  “I’m the last person to give advice,” she said. “But if I can tell you one thing, Brighton, it’s that Ryland loves you with all of his heart. He loves you so much that he put aside his feelings about me to do what he thought would make you happy. And I think that speaks for itself.”

  I knew Norma didn’t know all the details of what had transpired, but I wasn’t going to bring them up either.

  “But what about him and Brayden?” I asked. “They’re both being completely crazy. I can’t take it anymore.”

  “I don’t know.” She shrugged. “You’ll have to work that out with them. All I’m saying is I think that you should hear Ryland out. See what he has to say.”

  “And he didn’t put you up to this?” I asked suspiciously.

  “Nope.” She shook her head. “He said he wanted to do things his way. He’s a real control freak, that one.”

  I laughed in spite of myself. “You have no idea.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Brighton

  When I got back out to the car, Ryland was waiting for me inside. The divider was up, and I couldn’t see Ted, which was probably for the best. He’d obviously tricked me.

  I had no idea how Ryland had even gotten there, but he looked pissed. It didn’t take me long to figure out why.

  “Please tell me you aren’t seriously living in that place Ted picked you up.”

  I ignored the harshness of his tone and gave him a weak smile.

  “Ryland, what are you doing with Norma?”

  I knew this was the last thing he wanted to talk about, but it needed to be said.

  “I’m trying to help her.” He sighed. “Isn’t that obvious?”

  “But why?” I asked. “The last time we spoke, you wanted her dead.”

  He actually winced at my words, and it surprised me.

  “That was before,” he stated. “Before the… before I almost killed you.”

  He couldn’t look at me when he said it, and that same familiar urge to comfort him was there inside of me. I ignored it. Because he was right. He had almost killed me. And if I hadn’t been there that night, I didn’t know if he would have killed Brayden or not.

  “I appreciate what you’re doing, Ryland,” I said. “I really do. But I’m sure you can understand how it’s difficult to believe you can just go from wanting someone dead to helping her overnight.”

  “I don’t have any ulterior motives,” he assured me. “I only want what’s best for you, Brighton.”

  “But what about your family?” I asked. “What about your revenge?”

  He reached towards me, clasping my face in his palms. I didn’t stop him this time. I needed to hear what he had to say.

  “I didn’t think there was anything I could ever want more than my revenge,” he murmured. “But then I had you.”

  I bit my lip as frustration and pain warred inside of me. I wasn’t too proud to admit I was weak. When it came to Ryland, I probably always would be. But I couldn’t stand seeing him so lost. So broken. “You know this doesn’t change anything between us,” I whispered.

  “Maybe not today,” he said. “But…”

  “Not ever, Ryland,” I cut him off.

  He narrowed his eyes and leaned closer, his breath skating across my lips. “I’m not letting you go, baby girl. You need to accept that.”

  I had to close my eyes and take a breath to gather my thoughts. It was the wrong choice because instead I caught a whiff of his cologne. The scent that I used to associate with comfort. I just wanted to lean into him. To feel his warmth and let him wrap his arms around me. To pretend like the past had never happened and none of the memories that hurt so much ever existed.

  But I couldn’t.

  “I’m not taking you back,” I insisted. “You need to accept that.”

  My words set something off inside of him, and before I even realized what was happening he pulled me into his lap and crushed my lips against his.

  It had been so long since I’d felt them against me. Felt the fire inside of me that only Ryland could stoke. He was like gasoline, and the only thing left to do was combust. So I kissed him back. I gave into his frantic touches and savored them while I could.

  His fingers drifted up my thighs, pushing the material of my dress up. And then his palm was rubbing me over my panties. Before my brain could catch up to what was happening, I rocked my hips against him.

  It was wrong to lead him on. So, so, wrong.

  But I missed this. I missed him. I wanted to allow myself to be weak, just for a few moments. That’s what I told myself while I surrendered.

  My lips found his throat and blazed a hot trail up to his jaw while he squeezed the flesh of my ass in his hands. He pushed my panties aside and unzipped himself. I had a moment of panic when I realized what was happening. If I couldn’t resist him now, I didn’t know how I ever would in the future. I tried to pull away.

  Ryland gripped me by the arms and growled into my neck. “Don’t deny me what’s mine, Brighton.”

  I whimpered when he dragged his teeth along my throat, clamping down when he got to my shoulder. He knew I couldn’t resist that. He knew how wet I was for him. It was always for him.

  He gripped my inner thighs and nudged my legs apart, positioning himself at my entrance. He was watching me, his blue eyes searching mine so carefully. He needed to see that I wanted this too. And right then, I couldn’t deny him.

  I bit down on my lip and gave him a little nod. And then he was inside of me.

  “Oh, fucking Christ...” he muttered. “Ah… God, I’ve missed this. You feel so good, baby girl. So fucking wet.”

  He gripped my hips with bruising fingers, rocking me back and forth along his arousal. He was harder than I’d ever felt him, his eyes heavy with lust and pleasure. He didn’t have to tell me this was where he felt he belonged. I could see it written all over his face.

  “Give into me,” he pleaded, gripping my face in his hands. “Say you’ll be mine again.”

  I buried my face in the space between his shoulder and his neck, wrapping my arms around him tightly. I couldn’t give him what he wanted. Not this time.

  “Brighton.” His voice cracked as his touch g
rew rougher. Hard fingers dug into my hips, his teeth marking my body everywhere they skimmed. He was desperate to claim me. Tears clung to my lashes as he pressed me against his chest, his heart hammering against mine.

  “Do you feel that?” he asked. “It doesn’t beat without you. I need you.”

  I couldn’t stand to hear his sweet words. I couldn’t be pulled back into that vortex. So I pulled his face to mine and kissed him until we were both gasping for air. His fingers slipped between us, touching me in the place I so desperately needed. My head fell back and my eyes squeezed shut as every nerve inside of me flared to life.

  “I’m the only one who can give you this,” he murmured. “You know it’s true, Brighton. I’ll always be the only one…”

  I exploded around him, crushing his shoulders with the grip of my fingers as I thrashed against him until I thought I might pass out. It had been so long. Too damn long. My contractions set him off soon after, and his face twisted into a mixture of agony and bliss as he uttered a throaty groan against my neck.

  One last deep thrust, and he was convulsing inside of me. “I love you,” he clipped out. “So fucking much.”

  I let my body weight melt against his chest, and he stroked my back, maintaining the connection between us. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to keep the tears from falling. How could something so bad feel so right? How could I love this man so much? It was killing me, and I was only making it harder on both of us by allowing this to continue.

  So with more strength than I felt, I pulled away and put myself together again. Ryland watched me carefully, and when I glanced out the window, I realized we were parked outside of my apartment already.

  “Come home with me,” he begged.

  I couldn’t look at him as my hand reached for the door handle. “I can’t, Ryland.”

  “Brighton…” His voice filled with desperation. “I’ll never be able to sleep knowing you’re here. This is too much. I know you want to punish me, but…”

  “I’m not punishing you,” I whispered. “I’m really not, Ryland. I forgive you for the accident, okay. And I’m grateful for what you’re doing for Norma. I… I honestly don’t even know what to say about it. But right now, it doesn’t change anything between us. You and Brayden…”

  “I’m done with that,” he insisted. “What do I have to do to convince you?”

  I glanced back into his tormented eyes and shook my head. I honestly didn’t know what he could do to convince me. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I would always be wondering. And if something happened to Brayden while I was with him, I would never forgive myself for it.

  “There’s nothing you can do,” I answered. “I just need you to go home, Ryland. Go home and… live your life. The life you had before me.”

  “There was nothing before you,” he protested. “And there’s nothing without you. Don’t you get that?”

  He was getting frustrated. But that was good. It meant he believed this was what I wanted.

  “Goodnight, Ryland.” I opened the door and stepped outside.

  ***

  I was on the sofa, stuffing my face full of Wasabi chips when Nicole walked in.

  She set her bags down on the counter and gave me a weird look. “You do know there’s a body guard outside the door, right?”

  My head fell back against the sofa with a groan. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  “Honestly…” Nicole muttered, “don’t hate me for saying this, but it kind of makes me feel a little better. There are some creepy guys hanging out in the hallway, and I hate walking past them.”

  “I know,” I admitted. “You’re right. But if I accept this, then it’s just opening the door for him to keep doing stuff like this.”

  “Yeah, I know.” She worried her lip between her teeth. “He’ll probably tell Matt about this now, and he’s going to freak. I bet you anything they team up on this.”

  She looked hopeful, and I agreed with her. Of course Matt cared about her, but Nicole was still trying to push him away at every opportunity she got. I didn’t understand it. After their last spat, she hadn’t heard from him in over two weeks.

  She was moping around, pretending it didn’t bother her. And no matter how much I urged her, she wouldn’t call him. I guess I really didn’t have room to talk though.

  I had a lot of thinking to do where Ryland was concerned. But for now, I refused to rush into any decisions.

  Chapter Twelve

  Brighton

  Security didn’t even hesitate to let me into the building. I don’t know why that surprised me, but it did. They told me Ryland had a standing invitation for me and to go on up. I stepped off the elevator and walked down his hallway. The place was deserted, which was for the best. I didn’t need the other employees around for this.

  It felt like a lifetime ago that I was here. The place seemed different in the dim evening lights. A sad, empty feeling filled the space that I’d spent so much time before. A glance at my desk, and I noticed there weren’t any personal mementos from whoever had taken over my position. It didn’t even look like it was being used.

  Ryland’s door was cracked, and I peeked inside to find him sitting at his desk. He wasn’t working though. He was just leaning back with his head against the chair, staring at the ceiling. His eyes were shadowed by dark circles, and he looked exhausted.

  I hated that. I hoped he was taking care of himself. I hoped that I wasn’t the cause of those dark circles. I pushed the door open, and his eyes shot to mine. They flickered with surprise, and then he was up, walking towards me before he could stop himself.

  “Brighton?”

  “I’m fine,” I assured him. “But I wanted to come and talk to you in person.”

  “Okay.”

  He took my hand and pulled me over to the sofa. I didn’t resist because it was good to feel his skin against mine. If only for a moment.

  “What’s on your mind?” he asked.

  He looked like he was choosing his words carefully. As though he were afraid anything he might say or do could scare me off. I hated that too. I didn’t want him to feel like that. Things were so complicated between us, and I honestly didn’t know where to begin.

  I’d toyed with the idea of breaking the news to him today. But I still didn’t know if I should. What if he didn’t want anything to do with this? The thought was unbearable.

  “Look, Ryland…” I paused. “I want to talk about that guy you have following me everywhere.”

  He closed his eyes and sank back against the couch. He didn’t even have the energy to fight, which was so unlike him.

  “Just humor me, baby girl,” he pleaded. “What does it hurt? He’s there to protect you.”

  He didn’t get it, and he never would. I had my father to thank for that.

  “I just don’t like that he’s reporting everything I do back to you,” I said.

  Ryland opened his eyes and stared at me, unmoving. “Why?” he asked. “Is there something you don’t want me to know?”

  I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, fighting the urge to look down. I’d worn a baggy sweatshirt, so there was no way he could see.

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “I mean is there another man I need to know about?”

  His expression was so tense that I couldn’t help it. I reached out and smoothed my hand along his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into it.

  “Brighton.”

  His voice was hoarse, and it sent my pulse skyrocketing. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. But I leaned forward and kissed him. Again.

  I wanted to slap myself.

  My lips had barely brushed over his when he tugged me onto his lap. My blood heated at the feeling of his hard body beneath me. God I missed this. I’d been having withdrawals since the last time I’d seen him, and now it was becoming harder and harder to refuse.

  I just needed to feel him, just one more time. That’s what I told myself as I reached down and tugged on hi
s zipper. His hands were everywhere, inching up my skirt, stroking over my thighs. I was deliriously high from the effect he had on me.

  “God, I miss you so much.” He buried his nose against my hair and inhaled, rocking his erection against my palm. “It hurts, baby.”

  He was painfully swollen, and I needed him inside of me. I tugged my panties aside and pushed myself down onto him. He moaned and jerked beneath me, his fingers tightening their grips on my thighs. It was painful and possessive, and I missed that too.

  But when he tried to tug my shirt off, I had to distract him. So I leaned in and brushed my lips over his throat, alternating between bites and kisses. True to his nature, he loved it.

  “Do you feel how hard you make me?” he squeezed my ass in his hands. “You’re mine, Brighton. You’ll never stop being mine. No matter what.”

  I didn’t know who he was trying to convince, but I couldn’t acknowledge that statement. He was right. I would always belong to him, heart and soul. He was the only man I ever wanted to give my body to. But what I wanted and what I needed were two different things.

  Right now, for this moment, I just needed to put it all out of my mind. So I rocked down against him, enjoying the feeling of being connected to him in this way. My beautifully damaged Ryland. My light and my darkness.

  Tears fell down my cheeks, and he kissed them away. He told me how much he needed me. How he’d do anything to make it up to me. And I cried harder. I cried for the loss of him. For the loss of this. I didn’t know how I was going to survive without it.

  And when I combusted around him, I cried because it was all over. He followed soon after, but he didn’t pull out. He just wrapped his arms around me like a vice, crushing me against his chest. I knew he wanted to say something. He was biding his time, waiting for the right moment. He thought that would make a difference.

  “Come home with me,” he whispered against me. “Come home to our bed and let me take care of you.”