Letting Go (A Mitchell Family Series) Page 8

  I had to laugh at his smart-ass comment. Shaking my head, I tried to focus on where his hands were and what they were doing. “No, it isn’t my first time. But, in all the years I was with Ty, I never experienced anything like we have in the past day. You are just so attentive with everything you do. I love it and am also scared to death by it.”

  His soapy hands reached around and started massaging my breasts. I closed my eyes and felt his chin sit on my shoulder. “If you are ever scared, you just need to tell me and I will stop. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  I turned around and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. “I don’t want you to stop Colt. I am having such a good time with you. I just hope you can be a little patient with me. This is all so new and moving so fast. I am not as experienced as you.” I admitted.

  He pulled away and started washing himself. Within seconds he was rinsing his head and climbing out of the shower.

  “Colt, Are you mad at me?"

  He was wrapping his towel around his waist when I opened the curtain. He immediately handed me a towel by wrapping it around me. “No! Of course not. I just, well I feel so comfortable with you and it makes being with you feel so natural Darlin’. I guess I should have considered it wasn’t the same for you.”

  I jumped out of the shower and came within inches of his glistening wet chest. “Colt, I don’t want to slow down. I promise that I don’t. I feel the same, well kind of like we have known each other for so long and that is why this is so easy for us.”

  He placed his hand on my cheek and leaned down to kiss me. “I’m sorry if I did rush you though. I have this problem with seeing things I want and thinking I can just take them. So Darlin’ if you are ever feelin’ overwhelmed, well then you just tell me.”

  I grabbed the edge of his towel and pulled him closer. “Colt, will you take me out to eat before I have to get back to the dorms?” I confessed.

  He smiled. “Are you sure you are ready for that? What happens when people see us? You know they are goin’ to talk.”

  This probably was the wrong place to have this conversation, but it needed to be done. “I have spent the last six months trying to make up for breaking your cousin’s heart and causing something terrible to happen to him. I have prayed and I have wept. I have begged and pleaded for forgiveness. But, nothing happens. Maybe he will never wake up. Everyone thinks that I deserve to be miserable.”

  Colt put his arms around and held me tight. “I don’t”

  “I know you don’t, but everyone else does. I have become afraid to interact and associate with people in fear of what they were saying about me. I have heard the rumors about how many girls Ty was sleeping with weeks before the accident, but I stood by and spent every moment by his side. How long am I supposed to wait? It has been six months and there hasn’t been any change Colt. I will love Tyler forever, but you’re right. He would want me to live. I know that much. Maybe being with you isn’t exactly what he would of had in mind, but you are the only person in months to give a damn about me. I’m not asking for some kind of commitment, but just a promise that you will be my friend. Because right now, you are the only one I got!”

  Well I had Brina, but she wasn’t exactly being there for me as much as I needed her to be.

  I took a deep breath and looked into Colts eyes. He flashed a smile across his face and leaned his forehead on mine. “I will be whatever you need me to be Savanna. I promise you I will.”

  It was funny how Colt kept saying the right things. I wasn’t sure about what I was going to say to him until the words came out of my mouth. Sure, I enjoyed being with Colt, but if I wanted whatever it was we had to work, I needed to let go of hoping that I would ever have something again with Ty.

  I wanted to believe that someday he would wake up and everything would be the way it was supposed to be, but I had given up so much and lost everything that meant anything to me. I just wanted to breathe again. I needed to. I’d obviously just jumped into the biggest step by being with Colt. Part of me wondered if I would be considered a whore. I kept trying to rationalize what I had done. I was an adult and I made an adult decision to sleep with a beautiful man. I didn’t understand how I could feel so good and so sad all at the same time.

  Colt

  Savanna was hinting around that maybe we had rushed things. She hadn’t come out and said it that way, but I felt bad that she thought it.

  I shouldn’t have gotten involved, or kissed her for that matter, and everything after that, well that was all on impulse. The truth was that I really liked Savanna. She was beautiful and witty and such fun to be around. Anyone that couldn’t see that was a damn fool.

  After following Savanna into the bedroom, I watched her looking around through the bag she had gotten from the house last night. She seemed content with what she had and scurried back to the bathroom. I shook my head and laughed as she walked by. I sure wasn’t used to someone being so modest around me. Hell, most of the time girls were all but trying to rip their clothes off in front of me. I think that is why I really like Savanna. She was nothing like anyone I had ever been with.

  My ex, well she wasn’t someone that your parents are proud of. She grew up in a double wide outside of town, with her alcoholic daddy and younger brother. When I met her, she was bartending, and trying to keep her and her brother from having to move out. Her daddy was collecting disability and the checks didn’t last long once they came in.

  I felt bad for her and ended up helping her get caught up before she moved in. Her little brother had joined a band after graduation and went traveling around to different towns in our surrounding states. Her daddy stayed in the trailer and as far as I know, still lives there. I could only assume that is where she went when she had had enough of my shit.

  Maybe I just had that natural attraction to charity case women. This was the second girl in a row that I had put myself out there for. I’m not saying that my ex and Savanna are similar, because they are nothing alike. Savanna is different and we have a past. Sure, we were just friends, and rocky ones at that, but she was still there in my life. Her beauty overwhelmed me and her hidden sense of humor that she kept bottled deep down inside of her was amazing.

  My cousin was a damn fool. Part of me wanted to go to that hospital and just stand there giving him a piece of my mind. I knew for a fact that he fooled around on her. Every time Savanna brought up me being “that guy” I wanted to turn around and tell her she was talking about the wrong cousin. She couldn’t have been more wrong about me.

  Being with Savanna was different. She was sweet and innocent and her laugh was contagious. I didn’t know what was going to happen between us, but I was willing if she was, to at least try to make something out of this.

  After the past few days there was one thing I knew for sure. This summer just got a hell of a lot better, as long as I had her in my bed.

  Because it was Monday, I knew that my aunt and uncle were back on the farm, so I needed to take precautions when I took Savanna to the truck to drive her back to her car. My relatives had just about shunned her from their life and the last thing they needed to see was that she had been here with me.

  I didn’t even know how they would react. Hell, my uncle might even try to brawl with me over it. Sure, what we did was probably wrong, but it didn’t feel that way to me. I felt guilty, but also happy and excited. I had made Savanna smile and showed her that she had a reason to look forward. Even if this thing between us turned out to just be one crazy weekend, at least she made the first step to taking back her life. I loved my cousin, but Savanna being at his bedside every single day was just wrong. The truth was that he wouldn’t want her living the life she had been living.

  Savanna and I managed to sneak off the farm undetected. I had her duck down on my lap as we drove down the dirt road adjacent to the property, just in case.

  We drove straight to the old barn where Savanna had parked her car the other night to meet me. She hadn’t said much about what was going to happe
n next between us. I had brought up the topic and she seemed liked she was interested, but women had trouble making up their minds sometimes.

  As I put the truck in park I looked over at Savanna. She had brushed her hair after her shower and let it air dry. It resulted in natural waves all over her head. I couldn’t help but reach over and run my hand through it. “You still feel like getting’ somethin’ to eat?”

  She turned to me and smiled. “Of course Colt. Why would you think I would change my mind?”

  I shrugged. “Just makin' sure Darlin’. I don’t want to make you upset.”

  She scooted over on the bench seat so that she was closer to me. Her hand played with the collar of my t-shirt. “How about we drop off this hot ass truck at my dorm and grab something in town?”

  I smiled and stroked her cheek. “I reckon that’s a fine idea.”

  She smiled and looked down for second. When her eyes lifted to meet mine she bit her lip. “Sounds like a plan.” She started to scoot over and grab the handle to open the door.

  I grabbed her arm. “Wait. You forgot my kiss.”

  She kept climbing out of the car and turned around once she was out. “I didn’t forget. I just want you to wait for it.” She closed the door and walked over to her car. I laughed at her comment and watched her cute little ass walking away. Someone like Savanna could make me crazy.

  Chapter 12

  Savanna

  I don’t think the reality of what I had done actually set in until I started my car. Colt was following me to the dorms, so I had to pull out first. Flashes of what had happened over the past couple of days flooded my mind. I wanted to feel ashamed for what I had done and the things that I had said. I knew it wouldn’t be easy if I ever decided to move on, and I didn’t purposely hook up with the one and only person Ty looked up to in the word on purpose.

  It just happened.

  I was attracted to him from the start. Anyone that wasn’t, was a fool. His calm personality and southern drawl made him irresistible. Not to mention that the guy knew his way around the bedroom. He did things to me that I never knew could be done and when he was all but spent; he turned around and did them again.

  Tears started to run down my face and I just let myself cry. I needed windshield wipers for my own face, but never made an effort to wipe them away. I loved Ty, so much that it hurt, but Colt had awakened something deep down inside of me, something that I had lost so long ago.

  I kept looking in the rearview mirror, almost hoping that he had decided pursuing something with me was a big mistake. Maybe if he made the decision I could just let it go and try to move on. Seeing his truck close behind my car made me realize just how real all of this was. This connection that we were feeling was mutual and it scared us both, but neither of us could walk away from it.

  When I finally pulled up at the dorm, Colt parked next to me. I looked over and saw him wink before he noticed my wet eyes. He jumped out of the truck and rushed to the driver’s side of my car. “Darlin’ what is the matter? Do you want me to head back to the farm?”

  I didn’t even hesitate. “No! Please Colt. I don’t want you to leave. I swear. I just needed to have an emotional moment.” I admitted.

  “Are you sure you just don’t want to go out some other time? I won’t be mad Savanna.”

  I reached my arms around his waist and let my head lean against his chest. “I don’t want to be away from you yet. Please don’t leave.”

  His hands rubbed my back. “I will be here as long as you want me to stay.”

  “Thank you.” I pulled away and grabbed his hand. “Why don’t you come up to my room so I can change.” I suggested.

  He walked along with me. “Do I get to watch?”

  I gave him a smile. “Maybe.” I giggled.

  It took me about five minutes to get changed and I opted to do it in the bathroom instead of in front of Colt. It wasn’t that I cared if he saw me naked, obviously he had already seen everything I had to offer, but I still wanted just a little bit of privacy.

  When I walked into my room, I saw him laying on my bed looking at pictures that I had on my nightstand. Of course all of them were of me and Ty and I felt awful for not thinking about them sooner. “I um…”

  “Savanna, don’t even go there. You love him. I get it.” He said without even changing his expression.

  “I don’t want you to feel like I am using you. I would never do that.” I confessed.

  “Sugar, I haven’t thought that for a darn minute. Stop worrying your pretty little self over it. In fact if you want we can stop by the hospital.”

  I was shocked that he wanted to include seeing Ty on our day together. Part of me felt like it was wrong and inconsiderate, but the other part realized how thoughtful Colt was being of my feelings.

  “There is a restaurant near the hospital. I would like to just stop by for a second if it is really okay with you.” I shook my head and reconsidered. “Never mind, maybe it isn’t a good idea.”

  Colt sat up and pulled me into his arms. “Savanna, I want you to do what you want to do. I don’t regret being with you for a minute, but I know this is a big step for you. We can go there and I can wait outside. It doesn’t bother me or even make me the slightest bit frustrated. I love the kid too you know.”

  Why did he always know what to say?

  “Well, I would like to just stop by. I usually spend the whole day there, so it would be nice if I just say hello real quick.”

  He stood up and grabbed my hand. “Shall we go then?”

  I squeezed his hand. “We shall.”

  Colt

  Savanna had a bunch on her mind, I understood more than anyone about it. Her decisions over the weekend had caused her to have a painful reality today. I hadn’t thought that today would be the first weekday she had not spent at the hospital. That is why I had to offer to stop by. I wanted her to feel like she could still be there for Ty, even if we were spending time together. Above everything else that happened sexually between us, she had become a very good friend. I had told her secrets and shared things with her that I never told anyone else. I wanted her to know that I trusted her.

  Pulling up at the hospital was harder than I first thought it would be. Savanna didn’t speak the whole way there, but she did hold my hand for the ride. We had decided on taking her car because she had air conditioning and the truck did not.

  “Do you want me to wait here for you?” I asked kindly.

  She looked down at her lap and then finally over to me. “Actually, I think I want you to come. I need to be able to do this. I need to get over this guilt I am feeling, because I know for a fact that I don’t want to stop whatever this is. Does that make sense?” I asked.

  “Sure it does Savanna.” He lifted my hand to his lips. “I am ready when you are Darlin’.”

  We walked into the hospital hand in hand, but once we reached the elevator Savanna let go. I didn’t think too much of it. Hell, she had probably made friends with all of the nurses on Ty’s floor. They didn’t know I was his cousin, not that it would make any bit of a difference who I was if they saw us walking up together holding hands.

  I walked next to Savanna as we made our way to Ty’s room. She nodded and waved to a few nurses as we walked by them.

  Ty looked exactly how he had the last time I had been in. He lay there hooked up to all kinds of tubes and devices. The constant beeping let us know just how serious his condition was. Savanna stood at his bedside but never touched him. I could tell she was crying but I stood back and let her have the time she needed. When her body finally collapsed over his, I felt the pain in my gut. I had been stupid to assume this was a good idea. It was like I was flashing it in front of his face or something.

  I walked out of the room and stood with my back against the wall. I didn’t know what else to do, or what I could do. I had done this. I had let things get this far. Heck, I wanted it so bad I just couldn’t help myself.

  I heard Savanna talking but I could
n’t let myself listen. I focused on everyone walking around the halls of the hospital instead of her voice. It was hard to ignore her sad tone and soon I heard her saying my name. I lifted up my head and made my way back in the room. She looked over at me with tear-filled eyes. “I told him you were taking good care of me.” She said.

  “I’m doin’ my best.” I admitted out loud.

  Savanna only wanted to stay for a few more minutes and once we got into the elevator, she seemed to relax. When the doors shut she threw her arms around me and I pulled her in tight. “You okay?”

  “I am now.” She admitted.

  I kissed the top of her head. “Savanna you can tell me anything. I want you to know that. I promise that I will always be your friend. If you need anything you just tell me.”

  Maybe it was wrong for me to assume she needed anything from me. Maybe I had caused her more pain than she was already experiencing, but I couldn’t help it. I just wanted to be there.

  She looked up at me and smiled. “I am so glad that you came to town Colt.”

  “You sure? I think I may be making things harder on you Darlin’” I admitted.

  “In the past three days I have smiled more than I can remember. I am so grateful to have you right now.” She said.

  I couldn’t help but smile. It seemed a bit immature of me, but knowin’ that she appreciated my kindness meant a bunch.

  We climbed in her car and she drove us to a little restaurant off the beaten path of town. It was nestled on a small side road and looked more like a log cabin than a place to eat. When we walked in, I took off my hat and nodded to the hostess. I noticed right away that she was trying to play the seduction game on me. I reached down and grabbed Savanna’s hand and kissed it as we walked. The girl finally rolled her eyes and led us to a table, before leaving.

  “She was totally flirting with you.” Savanna said with a big smile.

  I looked back in the direction of where the girl walked. “Really? I didn’t even notice.” I lied.