9781618853462BlindEcstasyHoltNC Read online

  BLIND ECSTASY

  Desiree Holt

  Erotic Romance

  Secret Cravings Publishing

  www.secretcravingspublishing.com

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  A Secret Cravings Publishing Book

  Erotic Romance

  BLIND ECSTASY

  Copyright © 2012 Desiree Holt

  E-book ISBN: 978-1-61885-346-2

  First E-book Publication: July 2012

  Cover design by Dawne Dominique

  Edited by Elise Hepner

  Proofread by Rene Flowers

  All cover art and logo copyright © 2012 by Secret Cravings Publishing

  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED: This literary work may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, including electronic or photographic reproduction, in whole or in part, without express written permission.

  All characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.

  PUBLISHER

  Secret Cravings Publishing

  www.secretcravingspublishing.com

  Dedication

  To all the woman with secret fantasies of their own

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  Marla isn't looking for love or anything else from a man. Can Marla put aside her distrust of men for a younger man? Can Chris convince her he's not like other guys?

  **Hunting Jaguar, paranormal erotic romance:

  Rachel Hayes' Father set out to prove the existence of the Miloni temple and the Jaguar people. Tumi is a descendant of the Miloni race and is sworn to protect their secret with his life. Will he be forced to uphold his vow at the cost of his heart and Rachel's life?

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  BLIND ECSTASY

  Desiree Holt

  Copyright © 2012

  Chapter One

  “No, I don’t have any special plans for my birthday,” Johanna Devlin told her sister Kira. “And I don’t intend to make any. I’d just as soon let it pass unnoticed, if it’s all the same to you.”

  The two of them were in her living room where Kira had tracked her down on a rainy Saturday. Jo lay back against the pillows on the couch, tired of having this argument every year with her sister.

  The last time she’d celebrated her birthday was ten years ago when Sean Murphy had proposed to her. He’d told her that it was time they cemented their D/s relationship and he’d had something made especially for her to celebrate. She was sure it was a collar, a symbol of ownership in the D/s community. That had given her an immense feeling of pride and sense of belonging, that he would shout to the world that she was his.

  He disappeared the next day and she hadn’t heard from him since. No letter. No call. Not even a text or an email. So her birthday wasn’t something she enjoyed celebrating or even acknowledging. It had become a day in the year to get past, to shut down memories of pain and hurt

  In the intervening years she’d managed to dull most of the ache in her heart but traces of the feeling still lingered. At any moment it could come roaring back and consume her. She was tired of reliving what happened but traces of the memory clung to her like glue, never quite allowing her to get past it.

  “You can’t keep hiding from life forever, Jo,” Kira told her, pacing the floor. “The guy’s been gone for four years. I mean, come on, now.”

  Jo threw up her hands.

  “I know it’s irrational and I don’t know how to explain it. All the books talk about soul mates. The one person with whom you know in an instant you want to spend the rest of your life. Well, that’s how it was with us. And I can’t get past it, even after all this time.

  Kira snorted. “Tell me something I don’t know. When was the last time you even had a date?”

  Jo tossed a pillow at her while she was in midstride, watched her friend catch it, and throw it onto the couch with a frown.

  “I’m not interested in a date. No. Nada. Can I say it enough?”

  “You’re going to turn into a shriveled old maid.” Kira stopped her pacing long enough to pause in front of Jo and her face softened. “Sweetie, I know Sean did a number on you but at some point you’re going to have to get past it. Get on with things. Live a little.”

  “I do live. A little.”

  “Yeah,” Kira snorted. “A very little.”

/>   She dropped into the big armchair that sat at an angle to the couch.

  “Why don’t you come to Fantasy with me for your birthday?”

  Jo’s entire body tightened. Fantasy was the bondage club where she and Sean had met. Once their relationship developed they only went back on special occasions. She hadn’t been near the place since he’d disappeared. She certainly couldn’t go there for her birthday. It was the last place she and Sean had been together. Too many memories would leap at her from the walls.

  She shook her head. “I can’t do it. Without him it’s…different.”

  Kira studied her. “Jo, you’re a born submissive. We both are. That’s why we applied for membership at Fantasy to begin with. You’ve completely shut down that part of yourself for the past four years. That’s neither healthy or normal.”

  Kira smiled. “Give yourself a break, okay?”

  “Don’t push me. Please?”

  Jo wrapped her arms around herself, wishing they were Sean’s arms. He always made her feel so safe and secure, so wrapped in the warmth of his love. He never failed to stir either her emotions or her body. They’d been so very good together. Would she ever be able to get him out of her mind?

  “Okay. I won’t push. But will you at least think about it? You can’t hide in the house from your life forever.”

  Was that what she was doing? Probably. Except for her work as an event planner she had stripped everything else from her life. Her clients thought she walked on water because she immersed herself in each event as if it was the only thing that existed. What they didn’t realize was that—for her—the events were her life. She might as well face the fact that she was vicariously living everyone else’s existence because hers hurt too much.

  Sean, what happened? Why did you leave me that way? You proposed to me in such a unique way. There in the club, in the room we’d come to think of as ours. Me on my knees before you in submissive pose. When you released the handcuffs around my wrists you brought my hands around in front of me, cradled them to your lips, and kissed each finger. You told me how much you loved me. Asked me to marry you and live with you forever. Damn you, you fell of the face of the earth. Was it something I said? Something I did?

  She couldn’t face going to Fantasy without him. She could still sense the sting of the single tail whip he loved as it snapped against her ass and thighs. She remembered the sensation of warm wax as he dripped the sensual heat onto her skin during wax play. And she’d never forget how with great love and tenderness he pushed her to expand her limits, to let him take her right to the edge of pleasure each and every time.

  She was sure the orgasms she’d experienced with him she’d never feel with anyone else. Sean was the perfect Dom. She’d seen others who were harsh, who demanded more than their subs could give, who didn’t give their subs the proper respect. But Sean was caring, attentive, possessive, and respectful. He was well aware of the power exchange between them.

  At night, when she closed her eyes, the image of him naked shimmered in her brain. His tall, powerful, tanned body gleamed in soft lamplight, muscles rippling beneath the skin. Fire shone from his emerald eyes in a square, masculine face framed by rich, brown hair that brushed his collar. Even now the thought of him ratcheted up the pulse throbbing in her pussy. Longing made her ache for his mouth on her nipples.

  “Hello, earth to Johanna?”

  Her mind snapped to attention as Kira’s voice penetrated her erotic fog. She hoped her wild thoughts hadn’t caused her to blush.

  “Sorry. I was just—,” her voice faded off.

  “Just thinking about Sean.”

  Kira moved from the chair, sat next to her sister on the couch, and took one of her hands.

  “I know, honey, and I ache for you. I just wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better.”

  “If I just knew what happened—”

  She drew her knees up under her chin, collapsing her body as if she could squeeze out the painful memories. A sharp spike of emotional pain speared through her from head to toe.

  “One day he’s here, an up-and-coming lawyer working for the government. The next day he’s gone and no one knows where he went. Or else they won’t tell me.”

  “That’s so weird.” Kira frowned. “I mean, to not tell you anything?”

  “They only told me when I went to his office that he’d been transferred to one of their other offices and they weren’t sure if he wanted me to know where he was.”

  Jo shivered.

  “His boss gave me the creeps. Grey suit, grey hair, grey eyes. No smile. No expression at all, as a matter of fact. He looks like he’s not even human.”

  “Maybe something happened to him?” Kira suggested.

  Jo shook her head.

  “They’d at least have told me that. Nope, I think he had buyer’s remorse, got his boss to send him to Timbuktu or wherever their other offices are, and completely forgot about me.”

  “But if something did happen,” Kira persisted, “you might be able to forgive him. Right?”

  Jo snorted.

  “It would have to be something really disastrous.”

  She stood up.

  “Let’s drop it. I don’t want to talk about him anymore.”

  “Okay, but will you at least think about going to Fantasy on your birthday?”

  Kira smiled at her sister.

  “A gift from me. Something special. I’ve paid the cover and made the arrangements. They have my specific instructions. If you get there and decide you don’t want to play, my feelings won’t be hurt. But damn it, Jo, try going there once and see if the atmosphere works. Okay?”

  Jo threw up her hands. “Alright, already. I’ll do it. But don’t blame me if the whole night’s a disaster.”

  “Just go with the flow. You might be surprised.”

  * * * *

  The hotel room was pretty much standard luxury issue—king-sized bed, a conversation area, a work area for laptops and other electronic devices. Sean Murphy impatiently paced the room, raking his fingers through his shoulder-length hair. It was a new look, along with the short beard that concealed the scar on his chin. There was nothing he could do about the ones on his body.

  He stopped and turned toward Kira, sitting cross-legged in one of the arm chairs.

  “So she said yes?”

  “After a lot of pushing and arguing,” Kira told him. “Listen, Sean. Don’t you think it would be better if you called her or went to see her and told her what happened? It’s not like the situation wouldn’t be something she couldn’t understand.”

  “Oh, right.”

  First I’d have to tell her I lied to her about my job. Then I’d have to lay out a tale that sounds like something out of a movie or a work of fiction.

  “It’s better than having her believe you walked out on her.”

  “Yeah? Tell me how you’d react to the truth?”

  He paused and shoved his hands in his pockets.

  “Hi honey, sorry I ran out on you the way I did, but some things came up. See, I wasn’t really a government lawyer, although I have a law degree. I’m part of a covert agency that tracks and “disposes” of bad guys. Our entire operation is off the government books. The day after I proposed I got called away on a critical mission to South America. Only, shit happened, I got captured.”

  “Ohmigod!” Kira covered her mouth with the tips of her fingers.

  He scrubbed his face with his hands.

  “These are not nice people. They threw me in a concrete cell and barely gave me enough to eat or drink. When they got drunk at night they’d draw straws to see whose turn it was to beat on the prisoner. Some days, I prayed to die.”

  “Jesus, Sean. How long were you there?

  “Three years. Took the agency that long to find me and rescue me. It took another year for me to recover. My voice will never be what it once was after the damage to my vocal chords. But hey, here I am, ready to pick up where we left off!”
/>
  He held his arms wide.

  “Sean, you don’t give my sister enough credit.”

  “I don’t want to screw this up.”

  He rubbed the ridged scar on the back of his neck from the rope where his captors often pretended to hang him. They’d tighten a noose around his neck and stand him on a short stool. There was some kind of game to see who got to kick the stool out from under him. And as he’d sense squeezing pressure on his throat they’d untie the noose and drop him to the floor. In the beginning, he’d panicked every time it happened. Trying to hold his weight in a way that would ease pressure from the noose. He’d tried kicking out at whatever guard came forward to push the stool away. After months of this and other forms of torture, both mental and physical, he’d begin to wonder if dying might not be his best option.

  Even now he’d wake up at night, covered with sweat, heart pounding, feeling as if he were choking. It had taken every bit of the past year to learn how to control those dreams. The panic. So many mind games. Maybe he was screwed up and should forget this whole thing.

  “You won’t screw it up. She agreed to the trip to Fantasy for her birthday. You make all the arrangements and I’ll set the stage. I can at least convince her to let them prepare her and take her to a private room. After that, it’s up to you.”

  “Tell me something,” Kira coaxed and cocked an eyebrow at him. “What made you think I’d listen to you when you called me at work, Sean? At first I thought someone was scamming me.”

  “I figured you’d think that. Which is why you nearly punched my lights out when I came to your apartment that night.”

  “Damn right,” she blew out a breath. “After watching my sister suffering all this time? You’re lucky I didn’t kill you.”