Iron Bay Chef 2: Krakens Worms and Wiggyfish Oh My! Read online

  Iron Bay Chef 2

  Krakens, Worms and Wiggyfish, Oh My!

  “and the secret ingredient is…”

  Instigated by Junie Ginsburg

  Encouraged by Ceejay Writer

  Challenge Taken by

  The Chefs of the City of New Babbage

  Edited by Lori Alden Holuta

  Cover Illustration by Nika Thought-werk

  Copyright 2016 by Lori Alden Holuta

  On Behalf of the Citizens of the City-State of New Babbage

  (Mosseveno Tenk, Mayor and Clockwinder)

  http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Port%20Babbage/101/173/103

  New Babbage is Located in the Virtual World of Second Life

  http://www.secondlife.com

  License Notes

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, then please return to Amazon.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work involved in this project.

  Disclaimers

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imaginations or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living, dead, or zombified, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  This book is not intended to be used as a practical cookbook. The recipes herein are whimsical and could be dangerous to attempt recreating. If this book influences your cooking style, you may wish to consult a physician in matters relating to your health and particularly with respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.

  Table of Contents

  The Premise

  The Competition

  ~

  “Every Planet Has a North” Fells Gagh

  Smoked Wiggyfish à la rose

  Lutefisk with Boiled Potatoes and Cinderberry Puree

  Southern Fried Wigglyfish and Cinderberries

  Braised Air Kraken Tentacle Suckers with Artichokes and Cinderberry Relish

  Idiot Proof Supper

  Spurgan’s Tricarnal Delight

  Mummeh-wrapped Air Kraken with Cinderberry Garnish

  Krakenberry Pasta

  Kraken en Nogada (Kraken in Chilies with Cinderberry Sauce)

  Wiggs Dinner

  Not A Real Entry

  Portside Wiggyfish Chowder

  Air Kraken Boucanier Style with Cinderberry Chutney

  ~

  Whose Cuisine Reigns Supreme?

  The Premise

  This “cookbook” is based on the Iron Chef series, which mixed cooking, sports, and game shows in an arena-style setting, blending in play-by-play commentary and slow-motion replays. Guest chefs challenged one of the home-team ‘Iron Chefs’ in kitchen competition. A moment before starting, a ‘secret ingredient’ was revealed. The chefs had to use it in every dish they created. Challengers would frantically whip up appetizers, main courses, salads, sides, desserts, and even cocktails. The secret ingredient worked well in some dishes and horribly in others.

  On the west side of New Babbage, the peaceful yet murky waters of Iron Bay provided the name and inspiration for a friendly competition amongst the city’s avid (and rabid) foodies.

  The City-State of New Babbage is a community-built virtual construction that is hosted on the Second Life grid. For more information, visit secondlife.com and cityofnewbabbage.com.

  The Competition

  Iron Bay Chef 2

  “Part Kitchen Craft, part Lovecraft”

  In September of 2013 188x, a challenge was thrown down, gauntlet-style by Miss Ginsburg, Proprietress of the Gangplank in Clockhaven, New Babbage, and was proclaimed thusly:

  Now that everyone has submitted their stories for Tales of New Babbage 3, I have a new writing assignment for you. (You DID submit a story, right? Right? Don’t disappoint a redhead holding a cleaver.) This writing assignment is much tastier though, and comes with a cash prize and instant notoriety! What’s not to love about that?

  Last year (2012, 188x) during the air kraken migration, the first Iron Bay Chef contest was held. The winners of that competition were:

  1st place: Vernden Jervil, for his Armada Scoundrel Fleet Kraken

  2nd place: Jedburgh Dagger, for her Fried Air Kraken

  3rd place: Ceejay Writer, for her Crackin’ Good Pickled Air Kraken

  This was intended to be an annual contest, so here we are again! Whether you are an evil genius or a street urchin (the two are not necessarily mutually-exclusive), whether have a kitchen or a secret lab, whether you cook in factory ovens or over campfires, I want YOU to roll up your sleeves, put those fancy-schmancy goggles to good use and whip up some good, old-fashioned, pungent mayhem. Let’s find out who is hungry for power and who is just HUNGRY!

  Now… let’s throw a twisty tentacle into the game, shall we? Last year we required only that air kraken be an ingredient. This year, you will have your choice of the following meats:

  Air Kraken (aeronautica krakana—do not confuse with nautica krakana)

  North Fells Black Worm (magnus sapidum pedicabor)

  Wiggyfish (latimeria wiggia)

  In addition to one or more of the above, you must ALSO include the secret ingredient—something found ONLY in New Babbage:

  Cinderberries.

  This year my co-sponsor will be Ceejay Writer of the Scoundrel Fleet, and we’re both ready for some dangerous fun with food. But before you head out with your snares (high-caliber weapons, harpoons, etc.), there is one more thing that will be different than last year. Instead of submitting your recipes to me inworld, please post them here on the BAR—that way adventurous chefs everywhere can try their hand at recreating your dish and let us know how it goes. Just put “IRON BAY CHEF” in the title of the post.

  The contest will run from September 1 to October 1, 2013 188x. Then, after Ceejay and I have prepared each dish in our respective kitchens and served them to our lucky taste-testers (preferably those with strong constitutions), we will post critiques on each recipe and announce who will be the next IRON BAY CHEF!

  PRIZES: L$1000, L$750, L$500. The winning dishes will be added to the menus at the Gangplank.

  Ready? Get crackin’!

  This year’s ‘lucky’ taste-testers are:

  Junie’s taste-testers:

  Emerson Lighthouse, co-owner of The Gangplank

  Martin Malus, Emerson’s squire and Gangplank CFO

  Bert, screever and all-around good guy

  Ceejay’s taste-testers:

  Recruited from amongst her many friends

  Declined by her many friends who all seem to have suddenly changed their addresses

  Finally all taste-tested by Ceejay alone, who finds she has very few friends these days.

  So now, New Babbage, with an open heart and an empty stomach, I say unto you in the words of the Clockwinder… “Allez cuisine!”

  “Every Planet Has a North” Fells Gagh

  by June Forsythe

  Featuring North Fells Worms

  Ingredients

  1 chum bucket full of North Fells Worms (Alive to start)

  1 Bottle of Red Wine from Mr. Mornington’s stores

  Coffee Grounds and Cocoa Powder pillaged from the CocoaJava

  A Dirty Handful of Cinderberries

  Water from the sewers

  Step 1: Begin with the worms in a standard size chum bucket. As quickly as you can, pour
an entire bottle of Mr. Mornington’s cheapest red wine on top of them. It should take roughly two minutes for the little buggars to become sluggish. (As we all know, North Fell worms are notorious alcoholics.)

  Step 2: Use the empty bottle of wine to measure out one bottle’s worth of good ole’ Babbage sewer water. In a cast iron skillet, bring the water to a boil.

  Step 3: Stir in the coffee grounds and cocoa powder (a fistful each) and lower the temperature to a simmer.

  Step 4: Add the dried cinderberries. Just as you see them begin to plump (this may take a while, boy those things are dry….) take them off the heat.

  Step 5: Pour the heated mixture over the worms (who will be absolutely smashed at this point) and serve immediately.

  Enjoy your warrior’s brew! Kappla!

  CEEJAY’S REVIEW: A brave dish for a brave cook! I’ve always been a ‘waste not, want not’ sort of girl, which makes this recipe so appealing. Mr. Mornington’s cheap wine may not be drinkable, but it certainly does a number on those North Fells worms! I applaud this clever use of wine that might have otherwise been thrown out or used as weed-killer. A note: Have a second cast iron pan at the ready just in case the Babbage sewer water eats through the first one.

  JUNIE’S REVIEW: Baby giant Fells worms? I love it. Fewer of the damnable things that will grow to maturity and torment spring travelers. This was a recipe that I enjoyed preparing and presenting to my hapless taste-testers, a joyful grin on my face. Emerson fainted, Bert turned green and the Squire simply went down to the cellar. He returned a short while later, however, with some guy in a hideous (and unconvincing) Morlock costume who seemed all too pleased to give the dish a try. He pronounced it “delectable” and asked for a side of fava beans. Such freaks come out at Halloween.

  Smoked Wiggyfish à la rose

  by Myrtil Igaly

  Total time: 2 days (but afterwards you can keep it for a while, so you can prepare a lot in advance)

  Ingredients

  1 Wiggyfish (medium size or whatever you manage to catch)

  2 cups water

  1/2 cup sugar

  1/2 cup salt

  2 fresh New Babbage roses (every good urchin in town can provide you with some)

  1 teaspoon black peppercorns

  3 tablespoons lemon juice (optional)

  Cinderberry oil, for coating the fish

  Instructions

  Catch a Wiggyfish, butterfly it, remove the bones but keep the skin. Rinse. Cut into slices (they must fit into the pot and then the smoke house.)

  Rinse and chop the rose petals into little pieces.

  Place water, salt, sugar, chopped rose petals, lemon juice and peppercorns in a saucepan and cook over medium heat, stirring, until the sugar has dissolved, about 2 minutes. Let cool to room temperature, about 20 minutes.

  Lay the Wiggyfish slices skin side down in a large pot, pour the cooled brine mixture over it and leave in a cold place overnight.

  The day after, remove the fish slices from the brine, rinse, and pat dry with a towel. Let sit while you prepare the fire.

  Soak some hardwood logs in a bucket of water for at least 15 minutes or collect some green wood (this generates more smoke). You will also need some dry wood.

  Prepare a campfire and a smoke shelter around it.

  The ideal campfire pit is about three feet wide, four feet long, and two to three feet deep. This can be done using large strips of dry bark, or even corrugated metal (whatever you can find in the junkyard), leaned together at the top like a pyramid.

  This should be ringed with rocks to a height of about two feet, which will help keep the smoke in and around the fish while still allowing enough air in at the base so that the fire doesn’t go out while smoking the food. You will need room inside to keep the fish about 12 inches above the flame. The idea is to smoke and to dry it, rather than cooking it.

  Build a small fire in the fire pit, with dry wood. It doesn’t need to be large, but it is great if you can build up a bed of coals.

  Brush the Wiggyfish slices all over with a thin film of cinderberry oil.

  When the fire is going, place the fish slices on sticks and hang them above the slow, smoky fire. Add a bit of green or water-soaked wood and leaves occasionally to keep the smoke heavy. If needed, add more dry wood to maintain the bed of coals.

  The smoking stage should take most of the day, so you can leave it mainly unattended and just come back every couple of hours to check on the fire and add more wood. The fish is cooked when a fork inserted into the thickest part is uncomfortably hot when touched to your lips. When done, the skin should peel off easily.

  The smoked Wiggyfish à la rose can be used crumbled to add flavor to a number of dishes, or as one of the ingredients in a seafood plate or a fish pâté. But of course, it can also be served on its own, with a few petals of rose and cinderberries as a decoration, a thin layer of cinderberry oil to moisten it and some vegetables on the side.

  CEEJAY’S REVIEW: While I applaud the complexity of this dish, as well as the variety of ingredients that go into creating the final product, I must draw the line at the actual digging of the campfire pit. The last time I dug a hole with those dimensions I ended up detained for many hours answering pointed questions about various missing local persons. I guess I just have that natural ‘I’m up to something’ expression. If you are able to assume a more innocent face, however, this may be the ideal recipe for your next weekend culinary adventure.

  JUNIE’S REVIEW: First, I have to say that this was a culinary stroke of genius. New Babbage roses? Who would have thought? I wasn’t able to get Emerson to try this because he disappeared into the smoker with a big coffee can as soon as I pulled the fish out, but Bert and I had a delightful meal. The next day I mixed the leftovers with a cup of cream cheese, a bit of lemon juice, some diced onions and chopped parsley, and served it on crackers. The Squire said I had managed to cheapen an otherwise brilliant recipe, but I caught him eating it by the spoonful when he thought no one was looking.

  Lutefisk with Boiled Potatoes and Cinderberry Puree

  by Bookworm Hienrichs

  Ingredients

  For the lutefisk

  5 fresh wiggyfish fillets, each weighing about 1 pound (actually, get many more fillets than this (more on why later)

  Lots of cold water

  9 pounds Lye/caustic soda - your local mad scientist is sure to have some on hand

  For the potatoes

  20 medium (or 30 small) potatoes

  Salt

  For the puree

  2 pounds cinderberries

  Water (or vegetable or meat stock)

  4 tablespoons salt

  2 tablespoons sugar

  1 stick butter

  1 cup cream

  Other equipment needed

  1 mallet

  1 drying rack

  1 pH meter

  1 weather almanac

  1 space/time machine - given the propensity of these strange machines to show up in New Babbage, you shouldn’t have much trouble “borrowing” one. (Note: at other times, you can do this in the usual time-linear fashion, but for this contest, and for other times you’re in a hurry, you will need to time-travel quite a bit.)

  First off, you need to make the stockfish. Take the wiggyfish fillets, lye, and the drying rack, and go find a space/time machine. Use it to take yourself off to the Fells area, either during early to mid-November, or early March, when the outside temperatures are most consistently hovering just above freezing. (You could also do this at the seashore, but you will run the risk of people figuring out what you’re doing and trying to stop you. Not because of the indiscriminate time travel, but because of what you’re making.) If the temperatures go too high or too low, consult your weather almanac and find another stretch of time that matches what you need, and use the space/time machine to travel there. Repeat as necessary until the fillets have experienced several weeks of drying, and are now hard slabs that will keep for years if stored in a cool
, dry space. (You could probably test this out yourself, depending on how far back in time you’ve gone.)

  (Note: yes, you could do this air-drying mechanically in a controlled atmosphere, but you won’t get the full flavor development that occurs with naturally-dried fish. And if you’re going to this much trouble, you may as well go for the full experience.)

  So, after several weeks, you have your stockfish. But I’m afraid you’re not even close to finished yet. It is now time to “lute” the fish, which means to soak it in a combination of water and lye (or other alkaline substance - very traditional luting is done with a mixture of ashes and slaked lime). This causes the dried fish to swell into an even bigger size than what it was when fresh. (The high alkalinity charges the muscle fibre proteins with positive electricity, making them repel each other and weaken their bond, resulting in a flesh with jelly-like consistency.)

  First, take your mallet and pound five dried fillets to soften them—and to work out any aggravation you might be experiencing at how long this is taking. Then place the fish in a mixture of cold water and lye. The amounts and proportion of the luting ingredients depends greatly on the quality, texture, and fat content of the dried fish; thus, it would actually be best to dry considerably more than five wiggyfish fillets, so you’ll have plenty on which to experiment. Use dense protective gloves to handle the lye, and make your preparations in a well-ventilated area (as the Fells certainly are), as you will soon notice a rather strong odor. Place a weight on the fish to keep it submerged, and leave it to soak for anywhere from three days to one week, until the fillets are sufficiently swelled and softened (Note: do not let the fish soak for too long, or its fat will start to saponify—convert to soap. Soaking for too long will also cause the proteins in the fish to “melt” when it is cooked, reducing the flesh almost to nothing.)

  Once this is done, the fish must be soaked again in cold water to remove the excess lye. This soaking time also depends on the quality of the fish and the type of lye used. Be careful—if the soaking time is too short, the fish will turn into jelly and disintegrate when cooked; if too long, it will become too hard and firm. During the first days, the soaking water must be changed daily. The final product should have a pH of around 10.5 to 11. (The pH meter will come in handy at this point.)