Body Heat Read online

  I set aside my notecards and speak from the heart. The words tumble out.

  “The lovely people at the SAN threw a drowning woman a life raft. I was living as a terrified shut-in, but I started to take back my power. They took me by the hand and guided me through the legal system, first by filing a restraining order. They helped me document every violation and were there for me every step of the way through the trial when my ex-husband was arrested for felony stalking. He was convicted and is now serving a three-year sentence for his crime.”

  People applaud, but there’s also murmuring. I hope they’re as shocked as I was at the shortness of his sentence, and I say so.

  “I won’t lie. I’m disappointed the sentence was short and I had my first panic attack in years when I found out he’s already up for parole. But now I take things one day at a time, optimistic that I can take whatever this crazy world throws at me.”

  I see him then, in the back of the room, and my heart takes off like a racehorse out of the gate. He’s stone-faced, but his hands are curled into tight fists in his lap. I should have told him earlier so he could understand. But I was ashamed, and felt broken, and I’m doing all I can to remedy that now. He gives me an encouraging nod of his chin and I continue.

  “After our victory, they helped me put my life back together, through group sessions with their counselors with other men and women in situations just like mine. Without their help I’d still be hiding somewhere, curled up in the fetal position, balling my eyes out. Which I still do on a bad day. But the bad days are getting farther and farther apart. I see the possibility in the world again, and they helped me to do that.

  “Many of you know I worked as an executive chef at this very restaurant for many years. I stopped working when my marriage fell apart, and when I was feeling more like myself, I felt a passion to help others as those at SAN helped me. I’ve been working there for nearly a year. I celebrate the opportunity they gave me. SAN does important work. It changed my life. It saved my life. And I urge you to open your hearts and your wallets to help fund their work. Thank you and enjoy the rest of your evening.”

  My closing words are lost in a round of thunderous applause. I want to run to him, but at the same time, I’m terrified of what might happen. Luckily, I’m accosted by supporters looking to make sizeable donations. Nova and Caroline rush to me, offering hugs of support.

  I disentangle myself and attempt to rush off, desperate to see him again, when Emma touches my arm to get my attention. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are bright. Not much gets her excited, so I’m instantly curious.

  “Ivy, we just had an extremely generous donation,” she says as she surreptitiously flashes me a check and I count six zeros behind the one. “I’d like to introduce you.”

  “Of course,” I say as I turn my attention to her and find myself face to face with Max.

  SHE LOOKS MORE BEAUTIFUL than I remember. And I pretty much remember her as a goddess, so that’s saying something.

  “Max,” she says, and the sound of my name on her lips makes me crazy. “That’s insanely generous of you.” She extends her hand and I take it, but only so I can pull her closer and kiss her forehead.

  “You did great up there,” I say. She slides her arms around my waist and rests against me. “I know you’re the guest of the hour, but is there somewhere we can talk? Just for a minute?”

  “Of course.” She leads me to an office—Nova’s, I’m guessing—and types the code into the keypad to unlock the door. It’s an elegant room. Plush carpet, beige walls covered in expensive art, and a massive hardwood desk. The door clicks shut behind us and we perch together on the overstuffed leather sofa.

  “I’ve wanted so many times to explain to you—”

  “Don’t explain,” I say. “Don’t apologize for anything.” I take her hands in my own and look in her eyes so she knows I mean it. “You’re amazing. You look like a delicate porcelain doll, but you’re pure steel underneath.”

  “I never meant to jerk you around,” she says. She looks anguished, and I just want to take her in my arms and cover those plump red lips with my own. So I do. I go slow at first, but it’s like someone threw gasoline on a fire. Our tongues play together as our hands roam. I cup her pert breasts and run my hands over the curve of her ass before pulling her to me in a crushing embrace. Her hand snakes between us and cups my throbbing cock. I want her so fucking much I can’t hold back. She’s everything to me. Everything. And I need to be inside her.

  I lift the hem of her dress, until it’s bunched around her waist, and fall to my knees before her. I’m happy to see her thong is drenched and I lick the damp fabric, taking in her sweet scent and the tangy taste of her juices.

  “You taste sweeter than I remember,” I say as I tug her panties to the side of her pussy and give her entire drenched seam a rough lick.

  “I need your cock in me, filling me up,” she says. “I’ve missed it so much.” She reaches for my zipper, but I brush her hands aside.

  “You can have my cock. Right after you come on my tongue.” I spread her swollen pussy lips and bury my tongue in her sweet cunt. My cock is so hard it hurts, and I feel a wet spot on the front of my trousers from my precum. I can’t wait to ease into her tight warmth, but only after I’ve driven her over the edge with my mouth. I trace every inch of her wet silk until I finally arrive at her swollen clit. I dance around the hood with my tongue, avoiding direct contact, until I hear her groan my name and feel her hand against the back of my head.

  I pull the swollen nub into my mouth and suckle it. She bucks against me and explodes. I ride the spasms with her and finally release my seal on her once the aftershocks have subsided.

  “I need your cock,” she begs, and I’m happy to oblige. I free my thick cock from my pants and press against her entrance. She opens her legs wider for me, stretching the slip of lace I bunched to the side. I want nothing between us. I rip the flimsy fabric before tossing it to the ground. She moans and pushes against me, inching me inside of her.

  She’s so goddamn tight and wet. I worry I’m going to nut on the third stroke like some horny high school kid. I try to slow the pace but her cunt is greedy and she impales herself over and over again on my hard length. I try to fight it, but I’m too close. I put my hands on her hips and slam my entire length into her, again and again. She’s trembling beneath me, rolling her nipples between her fingertips as she clenches around my cock, milking me hard. I spill everything I have deep into her and collapse onto her. She pulls me close and we stay that way, until my cock has softened and I pull it free from her tight warmth with a wet pop.

  I slide to the floor and collapse between her legs. She looks so beautiful and sated, reclining on the sofa, naked from the waist down, with my cum slowly draining out of her. I grab her ripped panties and mop up most of it with the thin fabric. I clean what’s left with my tongue. I ease her skirt back down over her hips and attempt to smooth out any wrinkles. I want to keep her all to myself, but I know she has other duties to attend to tonight. I glance at her face, expecting her to look as radiant and happy as I feel, but she just looks sad.

  “Why do we keep doing this? It’s never going to work.”

  I take her face in my hands. “Don’t you dare say this was a mistake. Don’t you fucking dare, Ivy.”

  She pushes me away and reaches for her shoes. “Of course it was. You heard what I said out there. Matt is up for parole. I testified at the fucking hearing. There’s overcrowding and he’s been a model prisoner. My attorney said him getting out is a foregone conclusion. My life is about to head straight to hell again, and I’m not dragging you down with me. I care about you too much for that.”

  “If you care about me, then let me help you.” He takes my arm and holds me close. “We’ll face this together and figure it out together.”

  “You’re a smart man,” she says as she stands and rearranges her clothes and smooths her hair. “You know that hitching your wagon to damaged goods is a l
osing move.”

  “You’re not damaged goods,” I practically yell at her. I know she won’t give in until she comes to that realization herself. And it breaks my fucking heart.

  “You’re destroying me.” I say. “I miss you so goddamn much. Don’t do this. Please.”

  She places her hands flat on my chest and looks up at me. Tears are streaming down her face. “I know it hurts. I love you. It hurts me, too. But it will fade and you’ll find someone else who won’t ruin your entire life with her past bad decision.” She turns for the door.

  “You’re wrong,” I say. “There will never be anyone else for me but you. And I’ll wait as long as it takes for you to figure that out.”

  She doesn’t answer. And then she’s gone.

  I PASS NOVA IN the hall. Coming to see where I disappeared to, I assume, but I brush past her, tears spilling down my face, and rush to my car. I’m shaking so bad it takes three tries to get my key in the ignition. The engine roars to life, and I peel out before anyone can stop me.

  I need to be alone right now. I need some space. I need to think.

  I know I made the right decision. So why did it hurt so goddamned bad? I’m trying to be the bigger person. Just because my life is ruined doesn’t mean I have to take him down with me. I love him too much for that.

  He says he wants to be with me, but that’s just because he doesn’t understand what it will be like. Matt’s going to get out and it will all start again. And there’s part of me that knows it will be even worse if he sees me with another man. His jealousy got the best of him when we divorced without another person being involved. I can’t imagine how unhinged he’d be if he saw me snuggled in Max’s warm embrace. He’d kill me. I know it. And even worse, I know he’d hurt Max.

  I can take the thought of something happening to me, partly because I’d grown so used to it. But the thought of something happening to Max rips me apart. Is it fair that I’d have to deal with this on my own? Of course not. But I’m not going to pull him in, even if it’s what he wants. He’s too kind and selfless to do what’s best for himself. I know if I let him, he’d love me and look after me without any thought for his own well being.

  I see the light at the last second. Red. And I’m going way too fast to stop. I push the brakes so hard I think my foot will go through the floor, but I’m still moving, sliding into the intersection. I see a flash in the corner of my eye and brace for impact.

  After that, everything goes black.

  “You’re a very lucky woman,” the doctor says. “You’ve got a concussion and a broken wrist, so we’re going to keep you overnight. You’re relatively unscathed considering the speed of impact.”

  “Are the people in the other car okay?” Dear God, let them be okay. What was I thinking, driving in the condition I was in?

  “They were driving an SUV the size of a small tank. They’re all fine.” She pats my arm and relief washes over me. “I’ll stop by tomorrow morning and check on you during rounds.” She walks to the door and then turns back. “We didn’t have any emergency contact information on file for you. Is there anyone you’d like us to call?”

  I don’t think I have any tears left in me, but I start to cry again. Because there’s only one person I want with me right now. I’m not sure he’ll be willing to run to me one last time, but I pray he is.

  “Is she going to be okay?” he asks the doctor as he perches on the side of my hospital bed and takes my hand in his.

  “She’s going to be fine. We’re just keeping her overnight to monitor the concussion. There are extra blankets in the closet if you want to stay until morning.” She closes the door behind her as she leaves.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he says. “Not again, Ivy. You’re stuck with me.”

  “How did you get here so fast?” My mind is hazy from the pain meds, but I swear it took him all of five minutes to appear in my room.

  “I chased after you. Saw your car in the intersection. The guys in the ambulance wouldn’t let me ride along, but they told me where they were taking you.” He pours me a glass of water from the plastic pitcher and holds it to my lips. I sip gingerly. “I was going crazy. They wouldn’t give me any information on your condition since I wasn’t family. I’m afraid I may have treated some of the staff a little poorly.”

  “So when they called you . . .”

  “I just had to come upstairs.” He sets the cup down and brushes a stray lock of hair from my eyes. “Please don’t run again. I can’t take it. I’ve been so goddamned worried about you. And then I see your car all crumpled.” His words trail off and his eyes tear up. “I can’t lose you,” he says, like it’s the simplest thing on earth. “I love you too much for that.”

  He’s right, and I know that now. You don’t take something like we have and just throw it away. Not when the universe can take it away at any time. That I wasn’t hurt worse in the accident is a miracle and I’m ready to accept that. Maybe bad things are on the horizon. Maybe not. But I could have lost everything a few hours ago, and the fact that I didn’t has opened my eyes. Max is my heart, and I’ll never leave him again.

  THE TINY CABIN IS our refuge; we spend the rest of the winter hiding out there. I curl up next to the wood stove every morning with a stack of books and a mug of tea. I take breaks to cook us amazing meals in the world’s smallest kitchen. Max isn’t one for sitting still; he straps on his skis, snowshoes, or boots and heads out for fresh air.

  We don’t talk about Matt. We don’t need to. They found drugs and a cell phone when they tossed his cell. He went apeshit and attacked one of the guards. He lost his shot at parole and is being tried for felony battery of a law enforcement officer. He won’t be getting out for a while. I still think of him, but it happens less and less. Hopefully, someday, it won’t happen at all.

  We have big plans for this place. On the rare occasion when I venture outside, Max takes me around in search of the perfect building site for our permanent house. We agreed on the perfect spot, on a wooded hill with clear views of the river. We’ll break ground in the spring, right after we get married.

  I remembered his off-handed comment months ago about bulldozing the cabin and made him promise to never do so. I didn’t have to twist his arm. He plans on letting the vets in his therapy group stay there when they need some peace and quiet. I love the idea.

  We talk a lot about the future. He wants kids, and the thought of his baby in my arms makes my heart melt. And terrifies me a little. So we’ll take things slow. Wedding first, then a new house, and then a nursery.

  Nova visited once and announced that once was enough until we build our new place. I don’t think that “rustic” is a word in her vocabulary. And the thought of spending all day reading a book would paralyze her. So we talk on the phone and plan to visit the city in the spring.

  For now, we’re enjoying our time hiding from the world and enjoying each other. As I said, the days are glorious. But the nights? The nights are divine.

  I stare at the restraints hanging from the wood beam in the cabin, and smile. “You’ve been doing a little remodeling?”

  “I had an idea. Are you feeling frisky?”

  “Always. Tell me what you had in mind.”

  “I hate to complain, but you’re very stingy about letting me pleasure you. It’s almost like you can’t relax and just enjoy yourself. You’re always thinking about me and I want to take that out of the equation.”

  “So, basically, you want to tie me up and make me come?”

  “Pretty much.”

  “I don’t know. It sounds pretty horrible,” I tease.

  “I have a few toys and playthings I want to use on you.” I can feel my panties growing wet as we talk.

  “You spoil me.”

  “Because you’re very precious to me. Want to give it a try? See how it feels?” He tugs on the newly installed restraint with a wicked grin.

  “Yes. As a matter of fact, I do.” He undresses me quickly, and I’m glad the room i
s so warm, thanks to the fire that roars in the corner.

  Little shivers radiate over my skin as he places each wrist in a fur-lined cuff. He kneels and spreads my legs with his massive hands, bending to kiss my mons as he places a fur-lined cuff around each ankle. I stand there totally exposed to him, helpless to resist any invasion, and the thought sends my blood racing. My breath is coming faster and I can feel my wetness trailing down my inner thighs.

  “Does everything feel okay?” He kneels at my feet and strokes my thighs as he gazes up at me.

  “Fuck yes. It feels divine.” I give a tug on each restraint.

  “And we haven’t even gotten started yet.”

  He strips down as I watch, and I can’t hide my disappointment when his erection is less than rock hard.

  “I’ve jacked off four times today to make sure I could focus on you tonight, and the fucking thing still won’t go down. That’s what you do to me, baby.” He faces me, slides his warm muscular hands around my waist, and takes my mouth in a passionate kiss. His tongue laves the tender skin of my mouth, and when he breaks away I moan with need.

  “Don’t worry, kitten. I’m going to make love to you for hours. And all you have to do is enjoy it. I even brought a few presents for you.” He moves to the bed and retrieves a duffel bag that rests near the bedside table. His back is to me as he opens it and rifles through it.

  I squirm in my restraints. Every square inch of my naked skin is aching for the return of his touch.

  “Here we go.” The familiar buzzing of my favorite toy fills the room. I had used the magic wand hundreds of times on myself, but the feeling of someone else pressing it to my body is entirely new. He starts behind me, tracing the gentle lines of my ass cheeks with the fierce vibration. He runs it between my legs against my upper thighs but pulls back when I strain to reach it with my pussy.