The Ex-Files Read online

  ‘I know I have no right to ask you anything at all,’ he went on in this low, humble voice. ‘Only I've missed you so much.’

  ‘But you're with Andrea now,’ I said gently, pushing this conversation forward.

  He groaned. ‘I know, and it's good,’ his voice splintered away, ‘most of the time, anyhow. But I can't just extinguish all my feelings for you.’ He stopped and gave me one of his soulful glances. Luc is such a master at that. But, funnily enough, this was the moment when the romantic music, which had been rising higher and higher, switched itself right off.

  Instead, there was a sudden deathly silence and a horrible realization that Luc didn't actually want to go out with me again. No, he wanted more secret assignations like this, where he could gaze mournfully at me, confide all his troubles… and no doubt throw in a bit of snogging as well. Then, with lips quivering, we'd part until our next emotion-packed, top-secret encounter.

  All at once it was as if a really harsh spotlight had dropped out of that beautiful, blue sky and was now beaming unmercifully on Luc. It made him look very pale and skinny (muscles were never part of his appeal) and so short.

  It made me remember his laugh, too. Even then, it was the one thing I'd never liked about him. It was too nervous and high-pitched, like a kind of squeal a frightened puppy might make – and highly unsexy. How on earth had I stood it?

  Suddenly I could see how very weak Luc is, too – and vain. And yes, sly. Yet, I'd placed my whole life around him. My only chance of happiness rested upon this boy because he had a lovely smile and smouldering eyes. Around that I'd created the perfect person. But actually, I'd been in love with someone who'd never really existed. And now he was falling apart before my eyes…

  All the time I was thinking this, he was still whispering away and fixing his – even under my harsh spotlight – utterly bewitching eyes upon me. He really believed he was hooking me in once more…

  Then we reached my house and he gave me his lost, little boy smile. And despite everything, I felt a definite tug of sadness. But it was the sadness you feel when you're looking at a film of a particularly good holiday. You miss it like mad for a few moments, but you also know it's over forever. You can never go back.

  ‘Well,’ said Luc, with a heavy sigh, ‘I really want to see you again… but I don't feel I can hurt Andrea right now.’

  He paused, confidently waiting for me to suggest another secret assignation, but I just said, ‘It was so kind of you to walk me home, Luc – and I'm glad we've had this chance to say a proper goodbye.’

  A look of complete shock crossed his face. His jaw even trembled a little bit.

  ‘Take care of yourself, Luc,’ I said softly.

  ‘And you.’ He managed one of his graceful smiles. But he still looked stunned.

  And before, whenever he'd left my house he'd always turn at the end of my road and wave, but today he didn't look round once; he just carried on walking out of my life forever.

  Later Juliette rang. I could feel her listening intently to what had happened today. ‘The nerve of him,’ she cried, ‘wanting you to go from being his girlfriend to his bit on the side.’

  ‘Well, he didn't put it exactly like that,’ I said, feeling, for some reason, I had to defend him.

  ‘But that's how it would have turned out,’ said Juliette confidently. ‘With the promise of him dumping what's-her-name dangled in front of you as a little teaser – but he'd never actually do it.’

  Then I asked Juliette if this meant I was totally cured of Luc now.

  ‘Oh no,’ she said, ‘it's not the end – but I think it's the beginning of the end.’ She and I are getting on so well now. I really like her.

  Yet, I still miss…

  I asked her again tonight when Rupert's break would be over. She suddenly hesitated, then said she really wasn't sure.

  FRIDAY 18 SEPTEMBER

  I was doing some homework, when Dad brought me in a cup of tea. He was still in what he calls ‘his slobbing-out clothes’. I said teasingly to him, ‘Not dressed yet? Gloria will be here soon, and you know how she hates to be kept waiting.’

  Dad gave an apologetic cough before announcing, ‘Actually, I won't be seeing Gloria tonight.’

  I looked up at once. ‘Nothing wrong, is there?’

  ‘Oh no, it's just we've agreed to… cool things off – it's all very civilized.’ He made to leave.

  ‘Hang on, Dad,’ I said. ‘You can't just deliver a newsflash like that and walk away. Was it you who decided to finish things?’

  ‘Yes, I suppose it was,’ mused Dad, as if he were remembering something which had happened years ago. ‘Gloria wished to move things on, and I just didn't want a more serious relationship… It was all very civilized,’ he said again.

  Now, I'd never really hit it off with Gloria – at times, in fact, she reminded me very strongly of Cruella de Vil – but I couldn't help feeling a sudden flash of solidarity with her: a fellow dumpee.

  I bet she had no idea Dad was going to finish it either. He's so deceptive like that: quiet, patient, long-suffering for ages, then suddenly, out of the blue, he'll make a big decision and nothing can sway him.

  So I felt sorry for Gloria, but I can't pretend I wasn't also massively relieved. She was definitely not my idea of a stepmother!

  I sensed Dad wasn't as calm about all this as he was pretending. I said, ‘If ever you want to talk…’ Then, using one of Rupert's phrases: ‘I offer a twenty-four-hour listening service.’

  Dad smiled slowly and said, ‘Gloria was an admirable woman in so many ways.’

  I did my best to agree with him.

  ‘But,’ he added, ‘she just wasn't your mother.’

  It was the first time Dad had mentioned Mum for absolutely ages. She was such a strong personality when she was alive: it always seemed odd that she could vanish so completely out of our lives. But I realized suddenly that wasn't actually true – and Dad was still trying to find her.

  MONDAY 21 SEPTEMBER

  The very first time I visited the Copper Kettle (feel as if I've been going there half my life now) I spotted a boy I vaguely recognized talking to Rupert. Later I remembered his name: Danny. He was a year younger than me and went to Luc's school.

  The other day I saw him again. We smiled a bit uncertainly at each other but never spoke. Today, though, he came up to me. He's really quite good-looking, with dark, curly hair, a strong jaw and a perfectly shaped nose. He said, ‘Excuse me, but you're in the Ex-Files, aren't you?’

  ‘Yes, I am.’

  He lowered his voice. ‘So am I.’

  I'd guessed that already, of course. Even so, he didn't seem a typical Ex-Files recruit, far too laddish and confident. But then, being dumped can happen to anyone. There isn't one particular type. ‘So how are you getting on?’ I asked.

  ‘Passed my first stage all right. I bet you have too.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘But I'm now in the very last stages of the big relapse… Have you had that yet?’

  I nodded. ‘It's terrible, isn't it?’

  ‘I tell you, if it hadn't been for Rupert and Juliette I'd have done some shocking things. Did they make you sign a contract?’

  I nodded again.

  ‘Scared the wits out of me, that did.’

  I grinned. ‘Me too.’

  ‘I kept checking it for any secret clauses saying you had to pay them £8,000 or something. I thought there's got to be a catch to this somewhere. They can't just want to help you…’ He lowered his voice even further. ‘Met any of their secret investigators?’

  ‘Just one, a girl from my school. One day I'd really like to do that.’

  ‘Me too,’ he agreed fervently. ‘But you have to be trained up to be an investigator, so Juliette told me. I think she and Rupert have got the toughest job, though, listening to people going on and on about their troubles. Only last night Rupert sat with me –’

  ‘Oh,’ I interrupted excitedly. ‘Is Rupert back from holiday, then?
’

  Danny looked puzzled. ‘I didn't know he'd been away. I've seen him just about every night lately.’

  So Rupert has, in fact, only been taking a holiday from me.

  I must have really upset him that night at Pizza Paradiso.

  And there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it.

  DANNY

  Chapter 22

  THURSDAY 24 SEPTEMBER

  I've just found out something incredible.

  Rupert came round to my house tonight. He stood in the doorway in his long, black coat, piling on the charm with my mum. She thinks he's someone I met at Teens Take Action and is dead chuffed by my new circle of friends.

  But then Rupert put a hand on my shoulder and hissed, in a low, urgent voice, ‘Let's take a walk.’

  So we went out into the dark, glowering, wettish night, where Juliette was waiting for us with a huge umbrella. The three of us set off crouched under the umbrella. ‘Well, this is cosy,’ I said. ‘What's going on?’

  ‘Got some news for you,’ said Rupert. ‘We've found out something – thanks to our investigators, the great unsung heroes and heroines of the Ex-Files.’

  ‘We couldn't believe it at first,’ cut in Juliette. ‘That's why we made our investigators double- and treble-check it.’

  ‘We knew we couldn't break the news to you until we'd done all the proper checks,’ said Rupert suddenly. They were a real double act, both talking in low, rather flat voices, yet just beneath the surface I could pick up their excitement too.

  ‘Well, tell me,’ I cried, ‘before I die of suspense.’

  We stopped walking. The night was very still. No one seemed to be about, but Rupert's voice was little above a whisper as he said, ‘The person Nicole has been passing off as her boyfriend is nothing of the sort… In fact, he's her cousin. The Ex-Files is now convinced no real boyfriend actually exists. It was all a con.’

  There was a silence then, which was as loud as a yell. Finally, I cried incredulously, ‘You're kidding me. I mean, why would Nicole pretend she's got a new boyfriend?’ The answer had already flashed in my head but I wanted someone else to say it.

  ‘Juliette and myself have applied the Sherlock Holmes principle to this problem,’ said Rupert. ‘Namely, when all other possibilities have been examined the remaining possibility, however improbable, must be true; in this case she did it to try and get you back.’

  A couple of breaths tore out of me before I declared, ‘Well, I never expected this… I really had given up all hope.’

  ‘I know, you were making brilliant progress,’ said Rupert proudly.

  I asked, ‘But why go to all the trouble of getting someone to pose as her boyfriend? Why not just come round and say she can resist my manly charms no longer?’ I grinned sheepishly.

  ‘She's just too proud,’ replied Juliette.

  ‘Or too scared,’ suggested Rupert. ‘After all, you might have slammed the door in her face. So instead, she cooks up a scheme that'll send you rushing round to her… and when that doesn't make you jealous –’

  ‘She sends James round,’ I interrupted, ‘with that mad story of him hating her new boyfriend and offering to reunite Nicole and me. I bet that was a tough thing for James to do.’ And as I said this I suddenly remembered him that Saturday morning standing in my kitchen, sweating with embarrassment. ‘Nicole must have been very persuasive… or maybe he just felt very guilty,’ I added. ‘And when I saw Nicole in my road…’

  ‘Oh, she's been there a few times,’ said Juliette. Her voice rose mock dramatically, ‘just hoping to accidentally on purpose bump into her dream boy.’

  ‘I had my own stalker,’ I cried, ‘and never knew it.’ I laughed. We all did.

  But then, as we started walking again, Juliette said, ‘Of course, if you'd gone along with James's plan, you'd have been reunited with Nicole weeks ago.’

  ‘I bet you wish we hadn't interfered now.’ Rupert said this very lightly, but I sensed both he and Juliette were listening intently to my answer.

  I said slowly, ‘I'd have felt a bit of a patsy if I'd fallen for what James had set up. So I think it's quite cool I didn't do that. Anyway, these past few weeks I've found out such a lot about myself and got to know Leah a lot better, not to mention you two. No, I'm really not sorry.’

  Neither Rupert nor Juliette said anything but I knew they were pleased. I didn't say it to make them feel good, though. It is the truth.

  And then it hit me. Nicole wanted me back! And I felt every happy emotion there was. I yelled out, ‘Nicole wants me back!’ I was ecstatic and just wanted to let it out. Then I said to Rupert and Juliette, ‘So come on, what do I do now?’

  And those two, who are usually so clear and definite about absolutely everything, actually looked at each other before replying. ‘This is uncharted territory for us,’ admitted Rupert. ‘We've never had a couple get back together before.’

  ‘So I'm making Ex-Files history,’ I cried. I was just so high now.

  ‘But earlier today,’ said Juliette, ‘Nicole was seen buying a birthday card by one of our investigators. We strongly suspect that card is for your birthday on Saturday. If we're right, then the card will be a good opportunity to go and see Nicole…’

  ‘If that's what you want,’ said Rupert.

  ‘It really is,’ I cried.

  ‘Well, it looks like we might be redundant after tomorrow,’ said Rupert, with mock gravity.

  Back at my house he gave me one last piece of advice, though. ‘Remember, take it nice and easy with Nicole tomorrow, and don't come on too strong.’

  Then Juliette gave my hand a little squeeze. ‘I'm really pleased for you,’ she said.

  After they'd gone I couldn't just slip back into my house, so I went for another walk. In my head I started picturing our reunion tomorrow, then our first date… and our second and third (that was an especially good one). It just went on and on. I tell you, daydreaming can be so exhausting.

  Then I stopped off at Leah's. She picked up my mood of excitement right away. I told her everything. To my surprise she said, ‘But isn't that a bit sneaky, getting you back with a trick?’

  ‘Rupert explained that. He said she was scared I'd just slam the door in her face.’

  ‘Oh, I see. Well, then, I'm very pleased for you.’ She added, ‘Just in case I don't see you tomorrow I'll give you your birthday card now – I've got you a tiny, weeny present, too.’

  ‘You shouldn't have done that,’ I said.

  ‘Wait until you see it first, it's… Do you remember telling me how you found that frog in your garden and how much you like them? Well, now you need never be without one.’ And she handed me a tiny little beanbag in the shape of a frog. It was made of cloth and was quite heavy and the frog's eyes wiggled when you shook it.

  ‘I really, really like it,’ I said. And I did. ‘I'll make sure I never travel anywhere without it. It'll bring me luck, too… and it's just a top present. Thank you very much.’

  When I said goodbye to Leah I felt suddenly choked. That's why I said loudly, ‘You've been a really great friend… and this isn't the end of us. It won't alter us at all. We'll still go bowling and meet up…’

  But really I knew it wouldn't ever be quite the same. Ithink Leah realized this too, because she gave me a little hug at the door.

  ‘I know you'll have the best birthday ever,’ she called after me.

  I believe I will, too.

  So here's to Nicole and Danny, the sequel.

  Chapter 23

  SATURDAY 26 SEPTEMBER

  I got Nicole's birthday card this morning, as the Ex-Files predicted. A very stylish card, too. It was the words inside that meant the most, though. Not the happy birthday bit, but what she'd written after that.

  Danny, how are you? It'd be great to catch up sometime. I've just broken up with my boyfriend (it was mutual), so call round and see me, if you feel like it. Have a wonderful birthday. Love, Nicole X.

  The message couldn't have been
much clearer, could it? I wanted to tear round and see her right away, only it was 7 a.m., which was a bit early. And anyway, my family had organized a special birthday breakfast for me.

  The presents they gave me weren't bad, either – usually I just get a turnip or something (‘Times are hard, blah, blah, blah’) but today, they were halfway decent.

  By the time breakfast was over it was after 9 a.m., late enough to call on Nicole now.

  I practically ran all the way to her house and then hovered outside. I decided it was nerves, so I gave myself a little pep talk.

  But still I hung about outside. It was so weird; I'd burned for this moment for so long. Now, here I was, just loitering about. I dug into my pocket and brought out that tiny little beanbag frog Leah had bought me yesterday. It was so cute I grinned to myself. And then, quite suddenly, I found myself moving briskly away from Nicole's house, and in quite a different direction.

  Leah was just going into town with her family when I rolled up. But I think her mum sensed I had something important to say, because she said they'd wait in the car for her.

  Leah was looking at me in a puzzled way as we went into the kitchen. ‘Is everything all right?’ she asked.

  ‘No, not really,’ I said. ‘I got a birthday card from Nicole – well, look, here it is. Read it for yourself.’

  She quickly read it, then looked up at me, smiling wanly. ‘Well, she wants you back all right.’

  ‘Yeah, looks like it. I've already been round her house.’

  ‘Oh… so what happened?’

  ‘Nothing. I didn't go in.’

  Leah's eyes grew wider.

  ‘I meant to, but I came round here instead, because while I was standing outside Nicole's house I felt all confused. Then I looked at that frog you'd bought me and it just hit me like a thunderbolt; that although it was Nicole I'd been chasing and dreaming about all summer, it was you I wanted to ask out, and straight away I stopped feeling confused. Not that I'm saying you should go out with me, as I'm certainly not the world's greatest bet. And I'm only just over my big relapse but… well, that's all really. It's enough, isn't it?’