Shadow Queen Read online

  ‘I’m not comfortable about it,’ he said, ‘but she says you’re not well, Tilde.’

  ‘Her only evidence seems to be that I love my husband.’

  ‘Tilde …’ He picked at detritus on the forest floor, digging his fingers into the earth, not daring to meet my gaze. ‘You don’t mean that. He’s done something to you, something to warp the way you think.’

  My laugh had no humour in it. ‘Do you know, when I first met Roshi, she thought me ill in the head for not liking him?’

  Emotion heated his cheeks and I wanted to bite my tongue for being sharp with him. Angering him now wouldn’t be my smartest tactic.

  ‘Sepp, I’ll be the first to admit it’s strange. I’ve hardly let up lately, complaining how much I dislike Diet. But you have to understand – we didn’t exactly meet under the best of circumstances.’ Now that was a diplomatic way of phrasing it. ‘I had a lot to overcome before I could see the good in him.’

  Sepp avoided my gaze. ‘And you have overcome it? The massacre of our people, people we loved, friends?’

  I dropped my hands to my lap, stinging under the reproach. How dare he! He hadn’t had to live through the Aestival slaughter, nor the days and weeks since. But I fought back the rising anger to keep my voice clear. ‘Other bindings have started on harsher foundations. He’s gentle, Sepp, and considerate.’

  ‘Which is sufficient?’ he said, his voice loud enough to make Roshi stir in her sleep. ‘Sufficient to make up for killing your family? Sufficient to make you love him?’

  ‘It’s more than could be said of a lot of men!’

  ‘Would you mind keeping your voices down?’ snapped Roshi, glaring at us, then rolling onto her other side and burrowing her head under her arm.

  I shoved the mug away, spilling cold tea onto the soil, and raised my wrists, forcing Sepp to look at what they’d done to me. ‘He never once bound me!’

  Sepp’s gaze flicked to my brow. ‘Then how do you account for the branding?’

  I shoved my wrists up to hide my forehead. Where was my veil?

  ‘Is it part of the love?’ Sepp demanded, anger making his cheeks feverish.

  ‘He says I wouldn’t have survived the poison without it,’ I replied, seizing on the first words that came to mind, though Dieter’s lie tasted strange and false in my mouth.

  ‘Ha,’ came Roshi’s voice, bouncing off the trees and back at us. ‘You survived the poison because I acted quickly enough to stop you eating it all. Those marks did you no favours.’

  I glared at her back. ‘I suppose you want me to thank you!’

  ‘No.’

  The quiet dignity of her response robbed me of any retort.

  Sepp swung his gaze between us, trying to piece together the story. I didn’t enlighten him. When it was clear Roshi had no more to add either, he said, ‘Tilde, please, you have to trust me.’

  ‘Like I trusted you last night?’

  He winced, and I used his moment of hesitation to drive home the blade of guilt.

  ‘What reason do I have to trust you? You believe her over me, though we’ve been friends for a lifetime,’ I said. ‘How can I trust you? As far as I can see, I’m the only sane one here.’

  His eyes turned hard and flat as slate. ‘You’re right. I have known you longer. Which is how I know the Tilde sitting in front of me isn’t the same person I left a month ago.’

  Then Sepp, my closest friend and cousin, turned away.

  The hurt made me desperate – and bitter. ‘I suppose you think I should’ve lain down and let them hack out my throat, too, do you?’

  He flinched and turned back in a rush, pain alive in his eyes. I could still reach him.

  ‘Tilde …’ he said, extending his hand, his fingers brushing the rope. ‘I’d never wish you dead. Don’t say such things.’

  Roshi grunted. ‘I wish the both of you were dead. Or at least gagged. And if you don’t shut up and let me sleep, you will be.’

  Sepp ventured a smile.

  ‘Don’t misjudge her words for a joke,’ I warned. ‘She tried to kill Dieter and frame me for it. It would’ve worked if I hadn’t made the mistake of eating the tainted meal.’

  Instead of displaying the fear I’d hoped, however, Sepp took a moment to consider my words. ‘Good,’ he said at last.

  ‘Good?’

  ‘We need someone who won’t baulk at what needs doing. You should have tried killing him long before last week. If you were in your right mind, you would have.’

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  BY THE TIME Roshi woke again, I’d had hours of silence in which to think.

  She looked from me to Sepp, then said, ‘Breakfast for the squabbling children?’

  My stomach grumbled and my mouth watered in anticipation as Roshi dug through the baggage, emerging with a heel of bread and a winter apple. Such was my hunger that stale bread and a withered apple looked appetising.

  ‘You’ll have to eat on the march, because there isn’t time for fineries,’ said Roshi, hooking her hand through my elbow and hauling me upright. ‘On your feet. The pony is carrying the bags today,’ she added firmly.

  Sepp rolled up the groundsheets and loaded the pony’s panniers. Meanwhile, I’d gobbled down the bread before he’d tightened the last strap.

  ‘Where are we heading, then, if not to your people?’ I asked Roshi as we set off.

  Marching ahead of me, neither Roshi nor Sepp answered. The forest canopy still filtered the light in such a way that I couldn’t judge the sun’s position.

  ‘Seems to me we have nowhere to go,’ I said, a hard edge in my voice. ‘The Iltheans block the south and the west. None in the north will shelter us, for they’re loyal to the Somners, or to Dieter directly. You’ve already said not east, to your people. Where else can we flee?’

  ‘It’s always politics and lectures with you,’ said Roshi, not bothering to glance back. But Sepp cast her an anxious look. He at least saw my point.

  ‘I am Duethin,’ I said.

  ‘You were,’ Roshi retorted, then tugged on the rope tied to my bound wrists. ‘Lately you’ve been a captive. Right now you’re exactly what you’ve wanted to be for the past month: free.’

  I tugged back on the rope and had the satisfaction of causing her to stagger. After that I let silence shroud us while we walked, the impossibility of our position seeping in. Or Roshi and Sepp’s position; I was innocent in this flight. They wanted to put as much distance between Dieter and us as possible, but my aim was the opposite – and my best chance, I reasoned, lay with the Ilthean army.

  Xaver had claimed the Ilthean general was Dieter’s brother. It was too ridiculous and fanciful a claim to be untrue. I have one myself, you know. In my case, it’s a brother.

  Perhaps Dieter already had an agreement with the Ilthean army. After all, he had Renatas in his care, accomplice and hostage as the need arose. An alliance with Ilthea would also explain the daring of his coup: the attack staged while an army gathered on the southern marches; the small number of troops he’d used; the army’s arrival in time to ensure his ratification. If I found the army, and talked my way through the guards to this Sidonius, I might be able to make my way home. To my husband.

  First, though, I’d have to talk my way past Roshi. When I judged the silence had stretched long enough for doubt to squirm through her mind, I spoke.

  ‘Free, you say?’ I called, my voice startling Sepp after the tramp of our feet and the calls and whispers of the forest. ‘I suppose you mean to turn me into a farmer, then. Not with your people, because you’ve slept beneath a stone roof and you can’t return.’

  Guilt pricked me at this – she’d given up her home for me, after all. But guilt wasn’t enough to stop me.

  ‘I can’t imagine you have a good sense for the Turasi landscape. It must be Sepp setting the direction.’

  ‘Do you think she’ll shut up if we tell her?’ Roshi asked Sepp.

  ‘Not a chance,’ he said.

  She sighed, then
answered me. ‘We’re not heading to my people because that’s the first place Dieter will look for you, and my people will not stand between the two of you while you remain bound. We’re heading south, to the Ayrholm, House Falkere’s stronghold.’

  Her political acumen surprised me. Of the three southern tribes, Falkere was in the strongest position to aid me simply by virtue of not sharing a border with the Ilthean empire. Their previous alliance with my House also made them a sound choice. I had picked Falkere myself, when I first thought to flee, but I hadn’t told Roshi that.

  I looked at Sepp. Had he suggested our destination? Or had Roshi garnered the political knowledge on her own?

  ‘And does Rein know of his part in all this?’ I asked, naming the drighten of House Falkere.

  Roshi let out a breath of laughter. ‘Of course.’

  She didn’t elaborate any further, leaving me to wonder at the extent of her collusion with Rein – had it been he who arranged for my rooms to be unguarded when I’d been abducted?

  Unable to find fault in her plan, I took a deep breath and plunged in. ‘We’d be better off aiming southwest.’

  Roshi stopped in her tracks and was nudged into a stagger by the inattentive pony.

  ‘Southwest?’ Sepp cried, his eyes wide.

  Roshi was calmer. ‘The Iltheans infest the Majkan tribelands now. Even if we could avoid the army, which I doubt, there’s no land beyond the pass which doesn’t belong to the empire. There’s nothing but death in the southwest for you.’

  ‘Actually, it’s probably my only hope of surviving,’ I said, taking advantage of the halt to rest. My illness had left me weak, unfit for so long a walk.

  ‘Think about it,’ I said. ‘Dieter will assume I ran away. So what will he do?’

  ‘Shrug and switch to worrying about the army,’ said Roshi. ‘Which, I might add, we need to worry about as well.’

  ‘He may forget you two. Not me.’

  ‘Because you’re his beloved wife?’ sneered Sepp.

  ‘Because I was Duethin, or due to be. Because he killed my family and took my throne. Whether I seek power to wrest the throne back or provide a rallying point for dissatisfied drightens to do the same, I’m a threat. He will have to hunt me down.’

  A retort rose to Sepp’s lips but then he dropped his gaze, acknowledging my point. Roshi took longer, staring at me with thinned lips.

  ‘How does heading southwest keep you safe?’

  It was Sepp who answered. ‘Even Dieter can’t reach her in the depths of an army.’

  ‘The Iltheans will kill her before he can,’ said Roshi.

  ‘Not if I tell them who I am,’ I said.

  Sepp’s head snapped up. Roshi was slower to understand. ‘The southern snakes invade and conquer,’ she said. ‘They’ll put this Sidonius on the throne, not restore you.’

  ‘As Dieter’s wife, I’m a bargaining chip. They can offer to ransom me back, and win without bloodshed.’

  Suspicion hardened Roshi’s face. ‘You’d march us to our deaths to get back to him.’

  I fought to slow my breathing. If there was one thing living with Dieter had taught me, it was how to bury a lie among the truth so it went unchallenged. ‘None of us will die. The ransom is the bait I’ll give the Iltheans, that’s all.’

  ‘If they agree and march you back to him, Dieter will kill us for helping you escape,’ she pointed out. ‘If they don’t, the Iltheans will kill us on the spot. Doesn’t sound like a great idea to me.’

  She was a heartbeat away from a flat refusal, I could see it forming on her lips. So I sat down. ‘I walk southwest, or I don’t walk at all.’

  Roshi crossed her arms, her mouth set and eyes narrowed. ‘We can carry you.’

  ‘For how long?’ I countered.

  She hitched her shoulders in a shrug.

  Sepp didn’t have her talent for a straight face. He stood, chewing his lower lip, watching Roshi for her decision.

  ‘Don’t you understand?’ I said. ‘If I can sway the Iltheans, it might not come to fighting, and lives lost – the lives of those in the Turholm. They’re my friends, Roshi, my only family now. I don’t want to see them slaughtered. And the Iltheans are treacherous – they won’t honour the ransom.’ A truth if ever I’d spoken one. I’d have to watch for their deceit. ‘It’s our best chance to walk out of all this alive,’ I finished.

  Roshi shifted her weight from one foot to the other and looked at Sepp, who shook his head and, casting an apologetic glance at me, said, ‘It’s a bad idea. Sidonius is Dieter’s brother –’

  ‘Dieter said he doesn’t have a brother,’ I interrupted.

  ‘Forgive me if I don’t believe every word that comes out of Dieter’s mouth,’ Sepp snapped, then, turning back to Roshi, he went on, ‘Brother or not, Sidonius has a reputation for brutality which wasn’t earned lightly. He can’t be trusted. He claimed an alliance with Dieter already, and if he spoke true then seeking his aid is no different to turning around and walking straight back to the Turholm. And if he spoke false …’ He trailed off with a shudder, his gaze dark with memory.

  ‘We can’t take the risk,’ Roshi decided, cutting me off before I could protest. ‘I’ll think about your idea, but no more. In the meantime, we continue on towards the Ayrholm.’

  I didn’t fight any further, not yet. The idea was planted, and time would see it bear fruit. Besides which, the shattered mountains known as the Dragonstail stood directly between us and the Ayrholm – and west was the quickest way around.

  Getting to my feet was an awkward procedure, and neither of them helped. I had to lean forward until I rested on my hands and knees, then lever my feet under me and wobble upright. I held my wrists out, but refused to actually voice the request.

  ‘Not until you’ve proved you can behave,’ Roshi said, starting off again. ‘You’d better convince me before we reach the Falkere lands, otherwise you’ll meet the Falkere lordling bound and gagged.’

  TWENTY-NINE

  WITH MY OBJECT in sight I was a model prisoner, meek and uncomplaining. After two days Roshi relented and unbound my hands. We dallied by a streamlet that morning, scrubbing the odours of travel and hardship from our clothes.

  Conscious of the inevitable pursuit, Roshi had us moving again within an hour. I nudged and drifted west every chance I found. Roshi was too sharp-eyed a navigator to let us drift too much off her course, however, and by the third night I had achieved little.

  That night, the dream took me.

  After a dinner of pork jerky and water warm and musty from too long in a bladder, I slumped by the fire, staring into its depths, wondering how I’d ever get back home. Worry over me and the implications of my disappearance would be gnawing at Dieter, though no doubt he’d be hiding it. I massaged my wrists, which were still sore from the ropes.

  The flames lay heavy on my eyelids, drawing down sleep. My chin drooped, and by increments I slid sideways until I settled on the ground. Heat from the fire bathed me, narrowing the world to a snapping glow of shifting reds.

  At first, when an image of banked embers lapped closer and swam into focus, I thought I was waking and blinked. But there was no moment of blankness – for I had no eyelids to blink with, just as I had no limbs to move. Behind the steady red glow of the embers was a room, not a forest. And the room was familiar, for I had run my finger across every seam in those hearthstones, and buried my hands in the uneven lay of the rug’s pile. I had curled up on the couch too many times to count. Dieter lay on it now, one hand absently drawing shapes in the carpet, the other resting across his belly as he stared at the ceiling.

  ‘Matilde,’ he said, turning and looking deep into the fire, pinning me with his gaze. Stillness radiated out from our locked gazes, smoothing away the flutter at the room’s edge. The embers glowed brighter, burning my cheeks and brow, stinging tears from my eyes. I tasted charcoal and ash but I couldn’t look away.

  ‘There.’ He swung his legs off the couch and sat up with his forea
rms braced on his knees, his hands hanging between them. ‘That’s better. I’d offer you some wine, my dear, but I think it might make you more uncomfortable than not, right now.’

  Relief swelled in me like a spring tide, a sweet chill bubbling up my throat and quenching my anxiety. How did you find me? What sorcery is this, that you can seek me out in my sleep? I’m scarce two days’ ride south of you – bring me home! The words tumbled through my mind, but none escaped my lips.

  ‘Gerlach told me you’d fled,’ he said – casually, conversationally – as if none of it mattered. ‘Do you know, I actually believed him. All your mutterings about the quiet life, all your meekness. I thought you’d given up.’

  No! Roshi knocked me out and strung me up on a pony like a sack of meal, I wanted to say, but silence glued my tongue to the roof of my mouth.

  ‘Yet here you are,’ Dieter said. ‘In my hearth. Spying on me.’

  Pain lanced through me like Roshi’s poison, the flames snapping and flaring around me, the embers glowing cherry red in Dieter’s hearth.

  He leaned closer, his eyes pits of shadow in his face. ‘What is it you need to know, Matilde, that you come to my room in the middle of the night? Mine is not the only hearth banked with a living glow; mine won’t show you the drightens, or the numbers of our force.’

  I willed all my strength to speak, but the struggle was in vain.

  He frowned. ‘Don’t go yet, Matilde,’ he said, even as a hand jostled my shoulder, cooling and banishing the flames. Dieter’s voice faded, tinny with increasing distance. ‘We’ve much still to discuss.’

  Darkness surrounded me, disorienting me, but the hand jostled and anchored me. I followed it like a lifeline to air, swimming up through the black depths.

  Roshi’s face emerged in a shiver and ripple, as though I was breaking the surface of water. Weariness bruised her dark eyes.

  ‘Dieter!’

  The trapped cry escaped me at last, but it was to Roshi and the campsite I cried, not the stone hearth and my husband.

  ‘Anything you want to share, cousin?’ said Roshi.