Briana Gaitan - Just Caspian Read online

  “Waste away,” I whisper onto this smooth skin as I trail kisses down his neck.

  Buzz…Buzz…

  It’s coming from the nightstand.

  I groan. It’s always a call. Some sort of favor to be cashed in or job that needs to be handled. We each work more than needed, which make these moments alone a rarity.

  “Fu—dge.” I complain. At the insistence of my best friend and cousin, Quinn, we’ve both been trying hard not to curse as much. She’s concerned the baby might pick up our bad habits. In theory, it’s a good idea, but hard.

  “Ignore it,” I tell him.

  He does as I say.

  “I’m starved. I could really go for some ice cream and a movie.”

  Ice cream sounds nice. I never feel judged or fat with him. He simply loves me for me, and I do the same for him. I don’t look down on him because of his tattoos and he doesn’t care that I make twice as much money as he does. I don’t care that his idea of a good time is watching a game with his feet up on the table, and he doesn’t care that I have an overly zealous shopping addiction. He gets me, and I him. It’s easy. We never comment on our relationship with the media, which is nice because my last relationship lived in the tabloids, and we rarely go out in public. The paparazzi were frazzled at first, but eventually they stopped hounding us. We still have our moments when privacy is hard to come by, but in all our relationship is just as laid back as he is.

  He throws me over one shoulder and walks downstairs. I give out a small yelp, but let him carry me. It’s been a long day and the last thing I wanna do is walk.

  “How are your tracks coming along?” I ask.

  “Going good. I wrote a few for Leo and his new band, but they’re still missing something. I can’t figure out what. He’s gonna come over in the morning and lay it down with me. I gotta get these songs done before they go on tour this summer.”

  He sits me down on the kitchen counter and grabs us two spoons and a pint of mint chocolate chip. Leo is one of his old bandmates, but since their band, Aly, broke up last summer, Caspian has been dabbling in the finer arts of writing and producing tracks. He’s got over ten years of experience under his belt and his talent is one of a kind. For Christmas, I’d surprised him by having a recording studio put in one of the downstairs spare rooms. I know what you’re thinking. What an elaborate gift after only two months of dating, but we’re not only dating to waste time, we’re dating to last a lifetime.

  “Tell Leo I said hi,” I say between spoonfuls of ice cream. “Where is his tour going to be?”

  “Just a few stops up north. Ohio, Chicago, stuff like that.” His eyes become distant, glossing over with that sad look he sometimes gets since moving in. He misses the road, although he won’t ever admit it. He shoves a bite of ice cream in his mouth and winks at me. “What about you?”

  Besides all the parties and press over the weekend, I have nothing planned. “It’s just me and Tucker all weekend.”

  Caspian furrows his brow. “I don’t like the sound of that.”

  I pretend to gag, more for Caspian’s amusement than my own. Tucker played my love interest in the movie so people want to see us together. Tucker is a nice guy, once you get past the player façade and holier than thou attitude. There’s nothing going on between us, anymore. We’re just friends, and Caspian knows this. He doesn’t like it though.

  We enter the living room, curl up on the couch, and watch some football game. I don’t complain, only because he claims something important called the playoffs is on. I don’t know or care what that is, but it sounds important. I drift off on his shoulder early on. I don’t like sports. Never have, never will.

  A short time later, I’m awoken by Caspian picking me up. I snuggle up against his lean chest as he takes me upstairs. When he tucks me under the sheets, I almost fall right back asleep, but a vibrating noise startles me. Groggily, I sit up. Who could be calling at this time of night?

  Caspian walks over to his nightstand and looks at the screen. “It’s my Pops.”

  I pat the empty space beside me. “You can talk to him later, cuddle with me.”

  He contemplates for a moment, and soon the phone stops vibrating. “Oh well. I’ll call him back later.”

  Just as he says it, the phone vibrates again. Man, someone really wants to get ahold of him. We share a glance, both thinking the same exact thing.

  “Hello?” He sits down on the bed.

  His father rarely calls, they text every few days, but a persistent phone call?

  Caspian shoots up, his face pales, and I can see his breathing begin to get heavy.

  “Cas, everything okay?”

  I reach out to touch him, but he shakes me off and walks to the other side of the room. “Yeah…yeah…I’m leaving right now.”

  Something’s wrong, but with his back turned to me, I can’t figure it out. Is someone hurt? Did something happen?

  Caspian sits back down and drops his head down between his knees for a moment.

  “Cas?” My voice is barely audible. There’s a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something is terribly wrong.

  “My brother.”

  “You’re scaring me, what’s wrong?” My voice is more persistent this time.

  “My brother is dead.”

  His voice is so quiet, for a second I think I’ve misheard him. “Which one?”

  “Tirian.”

  The oldest, and the one brother I’ve never met.

  “Oh no, what happened?”

  “He was shot. I don’t know the details. I—I need to get to my parents’ place. I have to go.” He stands up and begins throwing what little clothes he has into his duffle bag.

  “Wait!” Before I think about what I’m saying, I suggest the only thing I can. “Let me come with you.”

  He looks at me with red eyes, eyes that I know are in pain. He’s holding so much back. He’s not even crying.

  “No, no. I can’t let you do that. Your flight is in the morning. You go to the premiere. This is a big weekend for you.”

  Does he not want me there? It hurts that he would even think that I’d put my movie before him.

  “This is your family we’re talking about. I’m already packed, and I just need to make a few quick calls. I’ll cancel my trip, and then I’ll drive you there.”

  “I can drive. Look at me, I’m as cool as a cucumber.”

  That’s what scares me. He’s calm, but he’s also using horrible metaphors. This isn’t Caspian. My Caspian doesn’t say phrases such as ‘cool as a cucumber.’ He doesn’t need to be driving when reality sinks in.

  “Are you kidding me? I’m staying with you. Don’t put up a fight either because I’m not changing my mind.”

  I pull on some clothes and search through his duffle bag on the bed. Are you kidding me? He’s packed useless clothes. Basketball shorts and T-shirts. This is a death; he needs his suit at least. Who knows when we’ll be back home. I neatly repack his bag and throw it down the stairs.

  “It’s a twelve hour drive to your parents. Let’s see if we can get a plane.” He doesn’t answer, but I pull up my laptop and begin searching. Nothing until morning.

  When I tell him this, he shakes his head. “I can’t sit here and wait. We’re leaving right now. Let’s go.”

  I don’t fight with him because this is Caspian. He’s loyal to his family, and there is no way he’ll sit for an entire night when his family is in pain.

  “Okay, then let’s go.” I grab my cell and start a round of emergency text messages.

  First text goes out to my co-star, Tucker. He and I were supposed to be interviewing and making appearances together.

  Ginger: Caspian has a family emergency. I won’t be at the festival this weekend. You’re gonna have to hold down the fort without me.

  Tucker: Seriously? Is it that important? I was looking forward to some alone time. ;)

  My face heats up. Whatever it was that Tucker and I had during filming is long over. I know it, but he hasn’t quite gotten it through his thick head.

  Ginger: EMERGENCY. Don’t get any ideas. This is strictly a business event.

  My next message goes out to Quinn.

  Ginger: Caspian’s brother died. We’re heading to New Mexico right now. I’m okay, Caspian is in shock. I may be out of touch for a bit. Love you lots.

  I press send and put my phone up. “Just let me pick up a coffee on the way outta town and we can be on our way.”

  The Night After

  “A little complication never hurt anyone.” -Caspian

  Buzz. Buzz.

  I open my eyes, to a pitch-black room.

  Buzz. Buzz.

  I need a moment to figure out where I am and what’s going on.

  I’m at Caspian’s parents’ place. The guest bedroom.

  Buzz…Buzz…

  I grab my phone off the nightstand to see dozens of missed phone calls and messages from my publicist and agent. They all say the same thing. How backing out of this event is a bad career move and I need to reconsider, but I won’t. I slam the phone back down. I’m not answering them today. Or is it tonight? Everything is all fuzzy so I peek outside. Yup, it’s night outside.

  It’s dinnertime. I must have slept all day. I stand up and fumble along the wall for a light switch. Once I turn it on, the room is flooded with fluorescent light, I stare in the vanity to smooth out my red hair. I look like Anna from Frozen on Coronation day. My hair sticks up in patches, my skin is pale, and my eyes are dark. Voices echo through the hallway, distracting me from my reflection. Everyone must be up. I try and polish up as much as possible before creeping along the hand painted tile floor towards the noise. For some reason, I pause in the dark hallway before entering the kitchen. The only voice I can pick out i
s Caspian’s. I don’t know his family well enough to tell whose is whose.

  “You and Ginger doing well?” a man asks. Must be his father.

  “Yeah, things are great,” Caspian replies.

  “Don’t you think things are moving a little fast? You’ve only been together a handful of months and you’re already living together?”

  “We’re okay, Mom.”

  My nose wrinkles a bit. I thought she liked me. She does like me, I’m certain of it.

  “She’s a sweet girl, but I’m worried about you. You normally take things slow. Are you at least having protected sex?”

  Caspian coughs. “I’m not talking about my sex life with you, Mom.”

  “I would prefer it if my unmarried son didn’t have a sex life, but I’m not stupid. I’m just saying, when you have a child, you’re going to have to be around more. You’re going to have to be a father. No more of this touring business or part-time recording stuff.”

  “You never minded my musical aspirations before.”

  “And I fully support your career, but will it be enough if you ever—”

  “Don’t worry. I have no plans to have any kids. You have more than enough grandkids as it is.”

  The room is silent, but I can just imagine his parents glaring at him.

  I can’t walk in after a comment like that. My heart is wrenching. We haven’t discussed our future; not really, we’re both more focused on the present. I want a family. Everyone assumes that I’ll make this terrible mom, but I want them. I never realized he didn’t.

  Everything is spinning, so I take a few deep breaths to compose myself. After a few minutes of this, I walk into the room like nothing is wrong. Even though the smile is forced, Pearl holds her arms out for a hug.

  “I hope you slept well, dear.”

  “Lovely, thank you.”

  She ushers me toward an empty chair between Caspian and a little blonde girl.

  “I made pizza. Eat. So Caspian tells us that you had a premiere this weekend?”

  I wave my hand in the air. “It’s nothing. Just some indie flick that no one will watch anyway.”

  “That isn’t nothing! Who is in it? What’s it about?”

  “It’s a romance I filmed with a co-star of mine, Tucker.”

  “Is that the young boy with spiky hair?” Pearl asks me.

  “Didn’t realize you watched Timelines, sweetheart.” James gives a smirk as Pearl waves him off.

  Timelines is the name of the soap opera I play in.

  When the little girl tugs on my arm, I look down at her and suddenly it’s easy to smile. She must be Alyne and Tirian’s little girl. She has bright blue Norwood eyes and little ringlets around her cute, chunky face. Caspian has mentioned her many times. She’s the youngest of his nieces and nephews and his favorite. He never got to see her much since Tirian and Alyne rarely lived in the States.

  “Hug,” she whispers before attaching herself to my hip. I pat her on the back and turn to Caspian who sits with his elbows on the table, an untouched plate in front of him.

  “Cas, are you okay?” I reach out to run my hand down his back. The second my fingers touch him, he sits up straight and runs his hands through his blond hair.

  “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

  A plate with a few slices of steaming pizza is set in front of me. Saliva pools in my mouth. Pizza isn’t something I normally eat, too greasy. Too yummy…

  “Thank you.”

  Pearl bends down to pick Bella up but the little girl grips me tighter, her fingernails digging into my skin.

  “Ow! Okay, you can stay.”

  Pearl scowls as if she’s upset that her granddaughter would rather cling to a stranger than her. “If you don’t mind, Ginger. She’s not said or eaten much since this morning. Can you try and get her to eat something?”

  “Sure.” This should be easy, I’ve done this with my younger siblings plenty of times. I hold out a slice of pizza and take a big bite.

  “Yum, Bella. This pizza is really good. Sure you don’t wanna try a bite?”

  Her only response is pushing her head deeper into my side.

  “What about this broccoli?”

  “Yuck!” She’s rubbing her face against me, and I have a feeling she’s just wiped a face full of germs or snot on my blouse. Strangely, I don’t mind.

  “Really?” I twirl a broccoli crown in my fingers. “They’re only baby trees. You can eat them like a dinosaur. Do you like dinosaurs?”

  Just as I thought, she lifts her head slowly and moves toward the plate of veggies. I give myself a pretend pat on the back as she noshes her teeth and takes a bite of the broccoli.

  “Wow, Ginger. We’ve been trying to get her to eat all day. Looks like you’ve got a talent there,” Ed tells me with an impressed expression on his face.

  I shrug and take a bit of my pizza. “Well, I had a bunch of siblings growing up. I was like the live-in babysitter.”

  Ed opens his mouth to say something, but Peter and his father walk into the room, causing everyone to turn and stare.

  “Did you get it all finished?” Pearl asks.

  Peter nods. I can tell that he’s trying to be strong, and as the oldest, he is expected to be so. I’m the oldest as well, but I was never any good at leading. Not like Peter. Peter manages a whole store. He gives directions and people automatically follow. Me, not so much.

  “The funeral is set for Monday with a memorial celebration here at the house.”

  Caspian’s hands tighten on the table. “Celebration? Our brother is dead. How can you celebrate anything?”

  James walks across the room and puts his hand on his youngest son’s back. “It’s important not to get angry. We need to trust in God’s plan.”

  He shakes off his father’s hand. “Screw your God! Screw any God that would allow this to happen. Tirian was a good man. He always did the right thing and now his kids have to grow up without a father.”

  “Cas, not in front of Bella!” Ed yells.

  Caspian pushes his chair back, making a loud screech that sounds like nails on a chalkboard.

  “Cas, please.” I try to stop him, but he shakes me off, again, and leaves.

  It takes a moment, but when I look back at Bella, I realize she’s stopped eating again. She may be young, but she knows what’s going on.

  “Don’t take it personal, Ginger,” Pearl says. “Caspian has always…had a lot of feelings. Even as a boy, he had a hard time expressing his feelings. That’s why we put him in music lessons as a kid. We hoped to give him a way to express himself. He writes music. It’s his way of expression. He isn’t good at telling us how he feels. Give him some time to sort out his anger. He’ll be okay soon.”

  I don’t have the heart to give anymore fake smiles. I’m too worried about Caspian’s behavior. He loves his parents, and I’ve never heard him say a bad word about anyone in his family. His spout of anger was completely uncalled for.

  “A celebration was the wrong word, Peter,” James scolds. “We aren’t celebrating his death, but remembering his life.”

  Pearl begins cleaning up all the food before looking at me. “Do you mind getting Bella ready for bed? She seems to have taken a liking to you.”

  “Sure.” I stand up, and Bella does the same, following me like a shadow back through the hallway and toward some of the bedrooms. Stopping, I turn to her.

  “Which one is yours?”

  She points to the room at the end of the hall. When we walk in, it’s empty except for a few bags on the floor. A picture of Tirian, Alyne, Bella, and an older boy sits on the night table.

  I pick it up and run my finger across the glass. “Is this your brother?”

  The boy is older, possibly college-aged.

  “Uh huh. That’s my bubby Ryker. He’s coming home tomorrow.”

  “Sounds exciting.”

  “I guess.”

  “I’m Ginger by the way. I’m your Uncle Caspian’s girlfriend.”

  “I know. Mommy showed me your pictures. She really like you.”

  It’s a struggle not to start crying in front of her, but somehow I’m able to keep a straight face. She pulls some pink pajamas out of her bag and grabs a hairbrush. “Will you brush my hair?”

  She climbs into the full-sized bed and puts the brush in my hand.

  “How old are you Bella?”

  “I’ll be five on my birthday, after that I’ll be twenty.”