KD Robichaux- Wish he was you (The Blogger Diaries Trilogy Book 2) Read online

  “What were you doing in Texas?” he asked curiously.

  Getting my heart broken and my soul crushed.

  “I was there for a semester of school. My brothers thought I should see what it was like to live in a big city after living here all my life,” I replied.

  “You’re actually from here? Weird,” he stated.

  “Yeah, there’s not many of us.” I shrugged.

  “You want to go outside to the bonfire?”

  His question caught me off guard, being such an abrupt change of subject, and I didn’t answer for a minute as I took a sip from my wine glass. Brittany looked over at me and replied for me, “Yes, she’d love to,” and placed her hand on my lower back to push me forward out of my seated position with a grin.

  I glared at her as I stood up in front of Aiden, and when I turned to face him, I looked into the most beautiful hazel eyes I’d ever seen. She was right; they were incredible. He took my hand to guide me through the throng of people crowding the house, and when I looked back at Brittany, she gave me a wicked smile and wiggled her fingers at me.

  We made our way out the back door and down more creaky wooden steps, then across the sparse, rutted grass until we reached the barrel blazing with a smoking fire.

  “The good thing about living out here in the sticks is we get to burn shit whenever we want,” Aiden remarked.

  “Are y’all a bunch of pyros or something?” I asked lightly.

  “What dude isn’t?” He laughed. I looked up at him and noticed the scar Brittany had mentioned. It was a small black line that ran straight across the top of the bridge of his nose. He must’ve been able to tell where my eyes had landed, because he tapped the scar with a finger of his free hand not holding his beer bottle and said, “Yep, the dangers of being a pyro.”

  “What happened?”

  “You’re going to think I’m a dick,” he warned.

  “What dude isn’t?” I threw his words back at him, and he chuckled.

  “True. Okay, so I brought a girl to one of these parties, and ended up hitting it off with someone else. Well, turns out the girl I had brought told one of her guy friends what had happened, and we got into a fight by the bonfire. Our scuffle ended with me face planting into the fire,” he explained.

  “Wow, you are a dick,” I joked.

  “Yeah, well, ended up not going home with either of the girls because I had to go to the hospital and get my nose sewed up. They didn’t clean it up good enough, because, ya know, military hospital, and it scarred with soot still in it. Now it looks like I got a fucking tattoo across my nose,” he complained.

  “Aw, that’s okay. Gives you character,” I assured him with another genuine smile.

  We continued our conversation, topics coming easily as we talked about everything from where he was from to what I was studying in school. And at one point during the night, he ended up taking his shirt off, the bonfire mixing with the heat of the summer making several of the guys do the same. He was well-built and had a couple of tattoos, but it wasn’t until he turned toward the house to go refill my wine glass that I saw the tattoo running across the top of his back. I don’t know how long I stood there, nearly hyperventilating with an oncoming panic attack, when Brittany nudged me out of my stupor.

  “You okay?” she asked, concerned.

  “His tattoo,” was all I could say.

  “What about it?”

  “He…he has his last name tattooed across his back.”

  Gotta get out now, gotta run from this

  I’ve always had a type. I’ve always been attracted to men with dark features and tattoos. It’s just what gets my juices flowing I guess. There’s been a long line of hot guys with dark hair, dark eyes, and lots of ink, but only one consumes my mind and plagues my dreams.

  Jason.

  He told me once that he got his last name tattooed across his upper back, because he was proud to be a Robichaux, even more driven to wear the name with honor because he was adopted.

  At the time, I thought it was heartwarming. But as Aiden walked toward Brittany and me, carrying a Bud Light in one hand and a full glass of pink wine in the other, I found it haunting. I mean, of course the first dude who had gotten me out of my self-imposed shell and made me really smile and laugh in weeks just had to have the same tattoo as the man I really want, the one I would give anything to be with. He couldn’t have a cool quote or a fucking butterfly tattooed there, could he? No.

  When Aiden stepped up to us, he handed me the glass, and I accepted it with a quiet, “Thanks.” Gone was the light, humorous mood from only minutes before, replaced with a dark thundercloud hanging directly over my head. After a few awkward moments of listening to Brittany and Aiden banter like siblings, she went back inside the house, leaving me alone with him once again.

  “You all right?” he asked quietly.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied.

  “Nah, something’s wrong. You want to get away from all this craziness? I live right next door. We could watch a movie or something,” he suggested.

  My knees buckled as images of watching movies in Jason’s bedroom flashed through my mind. Him making furious love to me while DVDs would play in the background, drowning out the cries he pulled from deep within me as he thrust into me, marking me as his.

  “Whoa there,” Aiden said, grabbing onto my arm. “I think you may have had a little bit too much to drink. Let’s go chill out at my place for a little while.” He looped my arm through his and walked me across the yard toward another white doublewide. I wanted so much to tell him no, that I just wanted to go home so I could cry myself to sleep again, but the pain in my chest was so overwhelming I just let him guide me, hoping getting away from the crowd of people would help me clear my head of the demons that just wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone.

  We made our way up a set of steps that looked like they were just built, the wood still bright and clean, not weathered in the slightest. He held the screen-door open for me, and he followed me inside. Upon entering his living room, the first thing I saw directly in front of me was a green felt-covered table, and another wave of horrified astonishment hit me.

  You have got to be fucking kidding me.

  In the center of the long oval table, its edges wrapped in black padded leather, sat a set of red, blue, green, and white clay chips, along with a deck of cards and a dealer chip.

  Four of a kind.

  Dark chocolate eyes looking up at me with amazed pride.

  The smirk on those deliciously pouty lips.

  “Do you play?” Aiden’s question brought me out of the memory, and I looked up at him blankly.

  “A little,” I replied quietly.

  “You look like you need to sit down before you fall down. Why don’t you take a seat on the couch while I get you a bottle of water?” he suggested, nodding toward the sectional on the other side of the living room. I agreed and went to sit in the corner where the two halves met, the huge pillows lining the back of the suede couch engulfing me, comforting like a hug.

  He came back and sat beside me, handing me an opened bottle of water. I took a sip as not to be rude, since I knew he’d probably never met a person who despised water as much as I do.

  “Better?” he asked, pulling out a pack of cigarettes from his jeans pocket. I noticed they were Marlboros, but thankfully not the all too familiar red box. It was a golden color, something about a special blend. He pulled a dinner tray with an ashtray on it closer to him from the side of the couch and sat his beer down before lighting up. After the last ten minutes, I could definitely use one too, so following his lead, I pulled my own pack of menthols out of my crossbody bag and lit my own. It felt weird smoking inside someone’s house, but I was happy to relax a little, enjoying the quiet.

  “Better now,” I finally replied, blowing out a long stream of smoke.

  “So what brought you to the party?”

  “I came with Carson.” At his questioning look, I explained, “We’re ju
st acquaintances. I met him on MySpace, and he asked if I wanted to come so I could meet some new people. I haven’t really done much since I got back home.”

  “So what do you like to do? If you haven’t done much, then what would you like to be doing?”

  Playing pool at Legends…cuddling up and watching Boondock Saints with the man I love…drinking wine and smoking on a humid but comfortable back patio…

  “I like playing pool. I learned to play while I was in Texas, so I don’t really know anywhere to play here. None of my friends play, so I don’t have anyone to go with,” is what I said aloud.

  “Well, you’re in luck. I just so happen to be badass at pool. I go all the time to a bar up the road. I’ll take you sometime…if you want,” he suggested.

  Of course he plays pool. Why wouldn’t he? Last name tattooed across his back, poker table in his house, self-proclaimed badass at pool…I swear to God, if he wears Realm, I’m going to flip shit. I took an inconspicuous sniff in his direction, but all I could smell was cigarette smoke and beer.

  Maybe I was looking at this in the wrong light. Yes, it was really unnerving how many things were popping up that were so much like Jason, but instead of me running from it, what if it was a sign? These were all things I loved about him, and this nice guy, Aiden, had the same hobbies Jason did. And I just happened to find him only nine days after coming home from Texas? Maybe I was meant to meet Aiden.

  What were the odds of meeting a man so much like the one I thought I was supposed to be with, at a random party where I knew absolutely no one? In a house full of strangers, he was the one who had caught my attention. He was the one who had whisked me away from the overwhelming crowd, rescued me.

  Just like Jason always rescued me.

  “Hey, where did you go?” Aiden asked, tilting my chin up to look into my eyes.

  Wow, they really were the coolest eyes I’d ever seen. They weren’t the dark chocolate eyes that made my heart skip a beat, but were beautiful, somehow comforting, and I took it as a good thing that at least one trait was solely Aiden’s.

  “Sorry, I just really miss the friends I made in Houston. We got very…close, and I’m still not used to being back home. I left for a reason, but now…here I am.” I sighed.

  “Yeah, it sucks making good friends and then having to leave them. I have to do that a lot, being in the Air Force. Not only when we move bases, but even on small trips and deployments. But hey, you can always talk to them on the phone, text, and computer shit, right? I don’t have one of those profile things, but I heard you can find all sorts of long lost friends on there.”

  Talk to him on the phone? No. He never wants to speak to me again.

  Text? No. His parents took texting off his phone, because he ran up the bill hundreds of dollars.

  Computer shit? No. God, no. It would kill me to see him moving on with his life, seeing pictures of him.

  “That’s a good idea.” I gave him a small smile and looked away to put out my cigarette in the ashtray. “Can I use your restroom?” I asked, standing and straightening out my top.

  “Sure, it’s just through there, first door on the left.” He pointed to the opening in the wall he had gone through when he got my water.

  “Thanks,” I said, and hurried away to find a moment of solace.

  When I was in the first grade, my mom threw me my first big birthday party, inviting everyone in my class at school along with the usual cousins and other family members. I can remember being so excited about the prospect of the party, but as everyone started showing up one by one, the crowd growing larger and larger, me being the center of everyone’s attention, that excitement turned into anxiety.

  I disappeared for a little while, and when my mom finally found me, I was hiding in the gazebo in my backyard. She loves telling the story about how when she discovered my hiding spot and asked why I was in there, I told her, “I just needed to get by myself, Mommy.”

  Right now, that’s exactly what I was feeling. I just needed to get by myself. And Aiden’s bathroom was the safest bet for a hiding spot without looking like a complete lunatic, which was another facet of emotion I was feeling at the moment.

  Closing and locking the door behind me, I don’t even turn on the light because there is a three-wick candle that’s lit on the lid of the toilet, which actually does wonders as a sense of relief. I grasp the edge of the bathroom counter as I braced myself to catch my breath.

  Just needed to get by myself.

  No, you don’t need to be by yourself. You need someone to take away the pain, because you sure as hell can’t do it yourself.

  I looked up into my reflection, focusing in on how the dancing flames of the candle made my eyes look wild, almost spooky.

  The last time you were around candles, Jason had you at the side of his bed, fucking you from behind while you held onto his sheets for dear life.

  The memory made me double over in pain, like I’d been punched right in the gut, and I rested my forehead on the back of my now stacked hands.

  Yeah, you were bent over, just like that.

  I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, wishing the thoughts away.

  Wish in one hand and shit in the other, and see which one fills up faster. Don’t wish the thoughts away; just fuck them away. After all, that’s all you’re good for, right? And once this one is done with you, you can just find anoth—

  “Stop!” I shout, jerking myself upright. The evil little voice in my head, which just so happens to have a deep, Texan drawl, has been talking to me for the past nine days since I left Houston. It’s the reason I dragged myself out of bed every morning, using the little inner strength I have left to defy what it tells me.

  Hoping Aiden didn’t hear my outburst, I turn on the faucet and rinse my face off with cool water. When I straighten and dry off on the towel hanging on the rack behind me, I gather myself enough to be in the presence of another human being and walk out to the living room.

  “I’m feeling a lot better now. Thank you. I think I’m going to go find Carson to see if he’ll take me back to my car. I rode with him from Pope.”

  “That’s all right. I’ll take you,” Aiden offered, putting out his own cigarette before standing.

  “You don’t have to do that. You’ve done enough already.”

  “I really don’t mind. Plus, he’s probably already too wasted to drive you. Dude can’t pace himself to save his life,” he remarked, looking around, I assumed for his keys. “You ready?”

  “Um…yes. Yes, thanks, Aiden. You’re too sweet.” I walked over to where he was holding the door open for me and made my way down the steps. I waited for him to lock his house up before following him to a white Pontiac Grand Am. He clicked the remote to unlock his doors, and I hopped into the passenger seat.

  As we were pulling away, I regretted not exchanging numbers with Brittany. I really liked her, and hoped I’d get a chance to hang out with her again. And as we drove down the long, empty road back to Pope AFB, I thought that might definitely be in my future if Aiden had anything to do with it. He pressed and pressed until I finally agreed to go play pool with him tomorrow, and at my request, he promised he’d ask Brittany if she’d like to come.

  Going through the security gate on the base, I handed over my driver’s license for them to check, not having to get the car searched since Aiden is active duty and has the security sticker attached to his windshield. Soon, we pulled up next to my blue Malibu after I pointed it out to him in the dorm parking lot.

  “Okay, so tomorrow. Eight o’clock at Little Reno. Let me get your number, and I’ll call you from my phone so you can have it just in case you get lost or something,” he said.

  “Smooth,” I chuckled, and then typed my cell number into his contacts. I handed it back to him, and then turned toward the door to get out, but he grabbed my arm.

  “Hey, it was really great meeting you, Kayla. Don’t worry. We’ll show you how much fun it can be being back here in Fayettenam, and y
ou’ll forget all about those friends in Texas,” he assured me.

  I really hope so, I thought, and then I said it aloud.

  He gave me one last infectious smile before letting my arm go with a gentle pat, and I opened the door to leave. As I opened my driver’s side door, I looked over at him when he rolled down his window, and he called out, “Drive safe,” before pulling away.

  Throw ‘em back ‘til I lose count

  After I got home last night, I lay in bed for a while, thinking of all the crazy coincidences between Aiden and Jason. Thinking? More like obsessing. But my last thought before I finally fell asleep was that I’d just see where things went. I had only just met the dude. He could end up being someone to spend time with, who I become really good friends with, or I could never see him again after this weekend. Or, maybe it could grow into something more. For some reason, the similarities didn’t feel like just a coincidence. Or I could be so freakin’ desperate that I’m trying to give meaning to something completely insignificant. Either way, I’ll let it play out.

  So now here I sit in Anni’s living room, my eyes burning because the fumes of her hair dye are so strong as she sits next to me with her soggy mane piled into a clear shower cap. She’s going dark this time, but I know she’ll get tired of it in a couple of weeks and change it again.

  I thought about letting her do mine—she’s gotten really good at it, since she’s had tons of practice—but I’m just not ready for such a change. All I can think of is Jason running his fingers through my long, dark brown locks, telling me how he’d never seen such shiny, beautiful hair before, that he could almost see his reflection in it. Or how he’d tangle it in his fist at the back of my head and pull me to him for one of his amazing, heart-stopping kisses. I know it might be a smart thing to change it up, but I just can’t. Not yet, at least.