Crashing Into You Read online

  “What?” Robert turned around.

  “A bolt of lightning across the way. It was super close!”

  “Lightning? Crap, it’s gonna start pouring, isn’t it?”

  “Probably.” I stepped forward and hugged the boy. “Nice seeing you, Robert. You meeting up with Lukas?”

  He nodded. “His class has another half hour. I’m gonna go wait for him in the library.” He slung his backpack over his shoulders and headed in the other direction.

  “Have fun tonight, okay?” I said, with a quick wave.

  “I will,” he said, and shot me one last smile. “Later, Sydney!”

  As soon as Robert disappeared around the corner, the rain officially began pouring, hard, like lukewarm daggers.

  “Shit.”

  I jogged past the fountain, and past the Lair, all the way to the parking lot. I was almost to my red Kia Sportage, when thunder erupted like a sonic boom behind me.

  I spun around, and saw not a lightning bolt, or a new black cloud ready to unleash its fury on me; instead, I saw Evan. He was crossing the street, his black jacket pulled all the way over his head.

  “No fucking way,” I said.

  I ducked in front of a car that wasn’t mine. I stayed hidden for a few seconds, then peeked over the top. Evan had his hands in his pockets, and his head tilted down, as he raced down the pathway to the main door of Rosecrans Hall. He stopped, pressed his phone to his ear.

  “No,” I whispered. “Don’t. Please.”

  He didn’t have to wait for Michelle to come down. Three girls walked out the door, and he headed inside.

  I should have left. I should have just gone home, taken a long shower, jumped on my bed, and slammed a pillow over my face for the rest of the night. I liked the fantasy of Evan being mine forever, not the reality that he was quickly slipping away from me.

  But even though it was pouring out, and even though I knew nothing good would come of it, Rosecrans Hall was calling my name.

  I dropped my notepad and book in the back of my car, as well as my gigantic sweatshirt, which I noticed in the mirror made me look like a blob of cotton candy. I walked, didn't run, toward the dorm. I let the rain soak into my tank top, my jeans, my hair. I didn't care. I needed to know the truth.

  I stopped in front of the building. I knew what floor she was on—the fifth—but didn’t know the room. I took out my phone, pretended like I was texting someone. While Evan only had to wait about ten seconds, I ended up standing outside for a good ten minutes, if not longer. No living soul dared to walk out into the pouring rain. Finally, after what seemed like forever, a young guy with a massive umbrella pushed open the door, and I bolted inside.

  I would have paid money for a towel at that moment—I must have looked like I had taken a dip in the ocean—but every door in sight was shut. I turned to the elevator, and waited an agonizing minute for it to open.

  When I stepped out onto the fifth floor, I noticed immediately the weird silence. I glanced down the hall, at all the closed doors.

  I walked forward a few steps and glanced inside the one open door to my right. Inside was a cute blond boy, typing on his laptop. I knocked on the wall. “Excuse me?”

  “Yeah?” He peered up at me. His eyes were bloodshot, like he hadn’t looked away from his computer screen all day.

  “Sorry to bother you. I’m looking for a friend of mine. Michelle Swanson. Do you know her?”

  He scratched the stubble on his chin, and leaned back in his chair. “Yeah, I know Michelle. She’s the chick who got that awful haircut, right?”

  “Yes!” I was glad someone agreed with me. “You wouldn't happen to know what room she's in, would you?”

  “Sure do! Last one on the left, room 520. Can you let me know if Sasha's in there? She took my tequila bottle last night and I still haven't gotten it back.”

  I hesitated. “Tequila bottle?”

  “Yeah. That shit's expensive, man.” He swung his chair around and continued with his typing.

  “Okay. Thanks for your help.”

  I turned back to the quiet hallway. Took a deep breath.

  And started my fateful walk.

  Why did I feel like I was on death row? The hallway had a dank, musty smell to it, and the chipped walls and fluorescent lights overhead gave the place the feel of a prison. I passed rooms 510, 515. All the doors were closed. Nobody seemed to be around.

  I finally stopped at room 520. This door was closed, too. I leaned my ear against it. Heard soft, muffled chatter coming from inside. It was both of them. Michelle and Evan.

  This was it. The beginning, or the end.

  I knocked on the door.

  Chapter 33

  Nobody answered.

  I almost knocked a second time, when Michelle, finally, cracked the door open.

  “What the hell?” she said. “What are you doing here—”

  I kicked against the door, and almost knocked her to the ground. They weren’t naked, thank God, but Evan was inside, leaned up against a computer desk. His eyes doubled in size the second he saw me.

  “Sydney?” he asked. “What—”

  “I knew it,” I said, and kept my gaze on him, not Michelle. “You tell me you’re gonna stay away from her, and three days later you’re alone with her in her fucking dorm?”

  He stepped toward me slowly, and put out his arms, like he was afraid I might stick a knife in him. “Syd, calm down. This isn't what you think, I promise.”

  “No!” I screamed at him, stopping him in his tracks. “Don't even bother!”

  I turned to Michelle. She sat down on her bottom bunk, and took a swig from a tequila bottle.

  “What the...” I shrugged, almost at a loss for what to say. Almost. “Are you guys drinking together, too? Getting drunk before you fuck? Super classy, Evan.”

  “Stop! Will you listen to me?” He reached for my hand, but I pushed him away, and started slamming my fists against his shoulders.

  “You bastard! You goddamn bastard! What are you doing in here? Why are you with her?”

  “Sydney! Stop!” He latched onto my hands and pushed me up against his chest. “Stop. Please. Listen to me.”

  I let out a deep breath, and shut my mouth.

  “I just told Michelle everything,” Evan said.

  “What, everything?” I asked.

  “I told Michelle I can't spend time with her anymore. I told her that I love you. That I want to make my relationship work… with you.”

  I glanced at the inebriated freshman. She took another swig of the tequila; she was partying it up like it was Friday night. When she refused to make eye contact with me, and instead glanced to her right with an exaggerated frown, I knew Evan was telling the truth.

  He took my hand, and held it tight, as Michelle shook her head with condescension. “I tried to talk to her on the phone about this,” Evan said, “but she wouldn’t have it. She kept texting me, kept leaving me voice-mails all day. I had to come up here to make sure she was okay. Her last few messages sounded crazy.”

  “Oh, screw you!” Michelle shouted. “You're a piece of shit, you know that?”

  Evan's jaw dropped. “Oh, I'm a piece of shit? You just show up here, start wanting to spend all this time with me. I reached out to you, as a friend. And the minute I ask to step away, you get all clingy, and act like I'm your boyfriend or something—”

  “Shut your mouth, you fucking moron,” Michelle said, so direct, so maliciously, I had to remind myself this was the same bubbly girl from before. “You don't know what you're talking about. I want nothing to do with you. Not anymore.”

  She went to take another sip of the tequila, but I snatched the bottle away from her.

  “Hey! Hey, that's mine!” she screamed.

  “What are you doing, Michelle?” I asked. “Do you have any idea how much alcohol content is in this? How much have you had?”

  I put the tequila on the desk. Examined it. Patron Silver.

  It was half empty.
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br />   I turned to Evan. “What’s the matter with you? Why’d you let her drink so much?”

  “I…” He shrugged. “I didn't even see the tequila until you—”

  “I’ll tell you why,” Michelle interrupted, a dumb smile forming on her face. “Because he likes to watch girls get drunk. Don’t you, Evan?”

  I narrowed my eyes. An awkward silence came over the room. “What does she mean by that?”

  Evan put his hands up, and said, “I don't know. I don't know what she's talking about anymore.”

  “Sydney, just curious,” Michelle said. “Did Evan ever tell you what he did the night my sister died? Did you know he was at the party?”

  I shrugged. Was that her big reveal? “Of course I did.”

  “Yeah? Well there's a little more to the story...”

  Evan grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the door. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

  “No.” I tried to shake him away. “No, I want to hear this.”

  “She’s drunk,” he said. “She’s just gonna start making shit up to piss you off. To piss us both off—”

  “Evan, let go of my arm.”

  He finally did what I asked, and leaned against the door. I turned around, and watched as Michelle scooted herself to the edge of her bed.

  She brought her elbows to her knees, and rubbed her palms together. “He told you he just showed up, saw that Melanie was drunk, and went home. Is that right?”

  “Yeah.” I took a step toward her. “Because that's what happened.”

  “Not so fast,” she said. “I got a little tipsy with Kendra and Daisy last night. You want to know who they said started the chanting? Who got everyone involved, made it so Melanie would drink herself to death?”

  Evan shook his head. “Syd, she’s lying. She’s manipulating you.”

  “He's the reason she drank so much that night,” Michelle said, staring at me with cold eyes. “Todd and Zach talked him into it. They told him to get her as drunk as possible, and you know why?” She looked at Evan. “So he could get laid.”

  I spun around. “What? Is that true?”

  Evan rolled his eyes. “Of course not. Why would I need to get Melanie drunk to have sex with me? She was my girlfriend!”

  “Melanie and I talked on the phone more than you think, dickwad,” Michelle said. “She was getting ready to break up with you. Her anniversary present to you was a fucking gift certificate, for Christ's sake. The kind of present you give your grandmother.”

  He shook his head. “It's not like that. She never had time to get me a real—”

  “Plus, you guys hadn't had sex in weeks. Weeks, Evan. Tell me I'm wrong.”

  “You're wrong,” he said, with no hesitation. “Besides, you wouldn't know a thing about what went down at that party. How could you? You weren't even there!”

  “But those girls were. They were drunk last night, they had no reason to lie. Is that how it happened, Evan? Did you scream it in front of my sister? You know… chug, chug, chug—”

  “All right, now that’s enough!” Evan shouted. He grabbed my hand. “Come on, let’s go.”

  “No!” I shook him away. “Don’t touch me.”

  “Syd—”

  “Get away from me!” I backed up, all the way to Michelle’s dresser. I thought back on that surreal night. It all came roaring back into my mind like a dream I'd long forgotten. “You wanted to go up to my room.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “What?”

  “After the library. You were still with Melanie, but... you kissed me, and you wanted to go to my dorm.”

  “But I didn’t. I never would've actually—”

  “So when I turned you down, you left, and went to the party. And when Melanie started letting loose, you saw her as your next best opportunity, didn't you?”

  “Syd, this is ridiculous.” Evan looked like he wanted to cry. “Michelle's just feeding you all these lies to get you to turn against me. That's what she wants!”

  I shook my head in annoyance, and stepped toward the guy I loved. Or at least, I thought I loved. “Listen. I don’t care if your intention that night was to have sex with me, or to have sex with Melanie, or to prove how much of a fucking stud you are to Todd and Zach. Whatever. I don’t care. This is what I care about…” I hesitated, for what felt like a full minute. “If you hadn't gone to the party that night... would Melanie still be alive?”

  He reached for my hand. This time I let him take it. “Syd, look into my eyes.” He paused, then said, “No. A hundred times, no. What happened to her that night had nothing to do with me, I swear. I was there for ten minutes. We got into a fight, and I left. That's it.”

  I shook my head. None of this felt right. Not anymore. “I'm sorry. I have to go.”

  I pushed past Evan and walked down the hallway, speeding up with each step. When Evan shouted my name from afar, I started to run. I entered the stairwell, and charged down to the first floor.

  I blew out the main door, into the pouring rain, which was pounding the pavement even harder than before. I raced across the Rosecrans lawn, but slowed down when I found the parking lot.

  “Where… goddammit.” I glanced to my left, then my right. Where was I parked?

  I reached into my pocket and hit the unlock button. My car’s lights flashed halfway across the lot, ten vehicles over. I walked up to my driver’s side door, and pulled my keys out of my pocket—when my foot landed in a giant puddle.

  “What the—”

  The puddle went deep, into a hidden pothole, and when my leg went down, so did the rest of me. I crashed against the pavement, and the keys flew out of my hands, all the way under my car.

  “Oww! Fuck!”

  Pain shot through my arms and legs. I pulled my foot out of the puddle, and turned over, onto my back.

  “Syd! Oh my God! Are you all right?” It was Evan.

  “I... I think so.”

  He grabbed my hands, and pulled me up to my feet. He leaned over, inspected me from head to toe. “I don't see any blood, but... do you want me to take you to the clinic? Just to be sure?”

  “Evan…”

  He brushed some pebbles off my legs. “I can get you some bandages. I can ask if they’ll give me some, do you want me to do that—”

  “Evan. Shut up.” I leaned back against my Sportage, and pulled him toward me. I gazed into his eyes, really studied him for a moment. He wasn't a bad guy. He'd never do anything to hurt someone. Right?

  “Syd, I love you,” he said, after the long bout of silence.

  “I know you do.”

  “I just want everything to go back to the way it was. You know... the way it was this summer.”

  I gazed up at the angry sky. “You mean, when it wasn’t raining?”

  He chuckled, and nodded his head. He stepped closer to me. I let him.

  “Evan, I want to believe that we’re gonna be okay.”

  “We will. I promise.”

  I shook my head. “I don't know. There’s so much in our past… I just don’t know if—”

  “We’re meant for each other.” He took my hand. Again, I let him. “You have to believe me when I say I had nothing to do with Melanie’s death. What happened was a terrible thing, but it was no one’s fault but her own, do you understand? I’m with you now. All I want to do... is love you. That is, if you'll let me.”

  His black jacket was soaked. I touched his chest, brought my hands up to his shoulders. I rubbed my thumb against his goatee.

  “I…”

  “Syd?”

  I stared into his eyes, didn’t look away from them. For two years, Evan had been my everything. And now I had him all to myself. Was I really going to give that up, all because of a drunk freshman with some lame theory?

  Was I really not going to give him another chance to prove his love to me?

  “I believe you,” I said. “I have to believe you.” I hugged him, and whispered into his ear, “I love you, too, Evan.”

  He pus
hed his hands against my cheeks, and kissed me. I tilted my head back, wrapped my arms around his waist, let the rain wash over me. Evan pressed his lips against my neck.

  “Evan... oh my God…”

  “I love you,” he said. “I love you so much.”

  Thunder crackled right above us, so loud we both stopped, and darted our eyes at each other.

  “Evan?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You want to get out of this rain?”

  He smiled. “I think that’s a great idea.”

  I opened my car's side door, and fell against the back seat. I scooted far enough to the other side so he could shut the door behind him. I wrapped my legs around his ass, just as his hard-on pressed against me.

  I closed my eyes, as he kissed me on my nose, my cheeks, my chin. He ran his tongue along my neck, down to my upper chest. I breathed harder and harder, faster and faster. After a tantalizing minute, he came up for air and brought his face close to mine.

  “How are you?” he whispered.

  When I opened my eyes, my breathing stopped. I didn’t see Evan.

  I saw James.

  “What…” I shook my head and blinked, real fast. Back to Evan again.

  “Syd? Are you all right?”

  “Yeah, I'm fine,” I said, and pushed his head down to my lower body. “Keep going. That feels so good.”

  He pulled up on my tank top, as he caressed my belly button with his tongue. Then he went down even farther.

  “Oh shit…” I said. “Oh Evan…”

  He peered up at me, and smiled. I gazed at his face.

  James again.

  I closed my eyes. Counted to three. Opened them. Evan.

  “Oh, thank God,” I said.

  “What?” Evan asked.

  “Nothing. Keep going.”

  He slipped my jeans off, then slowly pulled down on my undies. His tongue entered me. He started off slow, then went faster, and deeper—deeper than ever before. I dug my fingernails into his back and pushed my feet up against the car ceiling.

  “Evan… oh my God…”

  I jerked my head to the left and right. I couldn't take another minute. I couldn't take another second. I opened my mouth wide.