Until There Was You Read online

  She and Luke were now in what was becoming their favorite spot, on the couch in front of the immense window in the great room. She couldn’t imagine anything more perfect than lying in his arms, watching the fire he’d built, listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart.

  “When I saw you this morning with Kayla and the other children today, it hit me,” he said softly.

  Something inside her went still and quiet. She couldn’t breathe. Please don’t say it, Luke. Please.

  “I imagined you holding our child.”

  “Luke, no.” She came upright in a frantic rush to her feet. Keeping her back to him, one hand clutched the back of a chair.

  Her reaction stunned Luke. “I’m not very good with words, because I’ve never had practice saying them to other women. I love you, Catherine. With every beat of my heart and every breath I take, my love for you grows stronger. Will you marry me?”

  Each word was like a dagger to her heart. Luke’s love was something she hadn’t let herself believe she could ever possess.

  “Catherine, what’s the matter?”

  Say something witty and sophisticated, her brain screamed, but nothing came. The pain and hurt were too deep.

  “Catherine?”

  In her mind’s eye, she saw him reaching for her. She made herself move. If he touched her, she’d crumble. “I-I can’t marry you.”

  “Why?” The question twisted the knife deeper.

  “I don’t want to discuss it.” She started toward her room.

  “The hell we won’t.” Catching her arms, he turned her. Seeing the anguish in her face, his anger vanished, his voice softened. “Talk to me. Whatever it is, we can work it out.”

  “Please, just let it go,” she begged, her voice as unsteady as her legs.

  “Not until I understand why you’re tossing my proposal back in my face.”

  “This wasn’t supposed to happen,” she whispered, trying and failing to free herself.

  “You can’t dictate to your heart, Catherine.” He reached toward her face and she flinched. “What is it?”

  “Just don’t touch me,” she cried.

  His head jerked back. A muscle leaped in his jaw. “I didn’t know my touch offended you all of a sudden. I won’t bother you again.”

  His proud shoulders stiff, he headed for the front door. In her heart, she knew that would be the last time she ever saw him. Hurt, defeated, rejected. No matter the price she had to pay, she couldn’t do that to him.

  “I can’t have children.”

  Luke halted abruptly, then turned. Catherine’s expression was as tormented as her words had been. He felt her misery, her agony. He closed the distance between them in three long strides. Despite Catherine’s shaking her head, holding up her hand for him to stop, he closed his arms around her, drawing her against him, his pain deep as he remembered his words earlier of her with their children. He shut his eyes and willed the lump in his throat to disappear; there was nothing he could do about the tears on his lashes.

  “As long as I have you, nothing else matters,” he told her. “I love you, Catherine. Nothing will ever change that.”

  Shaking her head she forced herself out of his arms. “You’re not thinking clearly, Luke. You’re trying to be noble. The doctors were very specific.”

  “When was that?”

  She didn’t want to talk about it, but if he understood there was no chance of her having children, he’d accept her decision. Pinning her gaze in the middle of his chest, she told him about the tumors, the surgery, and the doctor’s prognosis.

  “Have you seen a specialist since?”

  Her startled gaze flew up to meet his. “Why should I? The scarring isn’t going away.”

  “Then you aren’t certain? May—”

  “No,” she cut him and his hope off. “I can’t have children, Luke. Accept it and get on with your life with another woman.”

  “Is that what Roderick, your fiancé, did?” he asked with growing certainty.

  “Yes. His mother told me I was no longer acceptable.”

  “What did he say?”

  “I never saw or heard from him again after I told him.”

  “So you think I’m as selfish and heartless as that bastard, that I’d turn my back on you after you told me?” he said harshly. “You have that little faith in me?”

  “I have that much. You’d stay no matter what, and I couldn’t live with knowing you were trapped in a marriage by honor instead of love.” Her voice trembled. “Neither of us would be able to forget your mother wants grandchildren.”

  “This is between us. My mother’s wishes don’t enter into it. It’s what we feel for each other that counts.” He stared intently at her. “You once told me that no one can predict the future. Looks like you’re trying to, and depicting me as the one to want out. You could just as well get tired of me first.”

  Not loving Luke was impossible. “Then it seems to me that I’m saving us both a lot of trouble.”

  “Then you’re not as brave as I thought.”

  “I guess not.” Her arms wrapped around her waist. “I better finish packing.”

  “Did you lie, Catherine?” he asked softly.

  “Luke, please let it go.”

  He was so close, she felt the heat of his body. “Did your face, your eyes, your touch lie to me today when they all said you loved me?”

  “The answer won’t change anything.” She wanted to run, but her feet wouldn’t cooperate.

  “Yes it will. All you have to do is tell me you don’t love me, and I’m out of your life forever.” He moved until their bodies touched heart to heart. “Four words—I don’t love you—and it’s over.”

  More than the heat and hardness, she felt his enduring strength and power and yes, love. Tears streamed unchecked down her cheeks. “I can’t.”

  “Thank goodness.” His head rested against hers, his hands closing with inexorable gentleness around her upper forearm. “Thank goodness.”

  Catherine accepted her weakness. “Just because I love you doesn’t change anything, Luke. It makes me more determined that we don’t see each other again. This afternoon every picture you stopped to admire, every statue you touched had children in it.”

  “We can adopt,” he said.

  “Tell me you wouldn’t want your own children?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

  His gaze didn’t waver. “The children I wanted were because of you. I love you.”

  She shook her head. “It’s over.”

  Black eyes blazed. “You’re trembling in my arms and you expect me to let you walk out on me. All I have to do is touch you and we both want.”

  With her body craving his, there was no denying that what he said was true. “That’s why it should end here and now. You want more than sex, and that’s all I can give you.”

  His hands tightened. “Bull.”

  “I was selfish in seducing you, thinking only of what I wanted.”

  “Don’t you get it, Catherine? I love you. Don’t be afraid to trust me. I’d never leave you. I’d always be there.”

  Sorrow and tears sparkled in her eyes. “That’s what I’m afraid of. You said marriage and children go together. With me, you’d have none.”

  “We’d have each other, Cath,” he said. “Give our love a chance.”

  “Forgive me. Goodbye.”

  This time when she turned away, Luke let her go. Her mind was made up. Stubborn and loving, she’d put his welfare ahead of her own. He’d said she wasn’t as brave as he thought. He was wrong, she was braver. He stared out the large window. He couldn’t see the woods or the mountain peaks beyond, but he knew they were there.

  The inner peace the knowledge had always given him wouldn’t come. He wasn’t surprised. When Catherine left, she’d not only take his peace, she’d take his shattered heart.

  CATHERINE COULDN’T SEE WHAT SHE WAS THROWING in her suitcase, her vision was too blurred. With each article of clothing, the tears flowed
faster and faster. It hurt. Like someone wrenching her insides out. Of all the things that had happened in her life, loving and losing Luke had been the worst and the best. She could only imagine carrying, then holding a child conceived out of love. With Luke, she had experienced the shimmering ecstasy of love and the shattering heartache of loss.

  Slamming the suitcase lid down, she picked it and her purse up. So what if she didn’t have all her clothes? She had to get out of there before she broke down completely.

  Yanking open the door, she left her room. She kept her gaze fixed on the front door.

  “Going someplace?”

  Her throat and mind were too full to think of a plausible lie to tell him. Ten feet and she’d be out the door.

  She never heard him come up behind her. But suddenly he was there, blocking the door. “It’s dark outside.”

  Although she knew it was fruitless, she tried to go around him. In one seamless motion he sidestepped in front of her. She could feel the trembling in her body increasing, the knot in her throat thickening. “Please.”

  “I’ll always be there and answer when you call me, Catherine.” His arms closed around her.

  The luggage dropped from her hand. Her arms went around his neck with a desperation she was unaware of. The tears started in earnest and there was no way she could stop them.

  “Don’t cry, Cath. I’m here.” Picking her up, Luke took her to his room and closed the door. Sitting her on the bed he slipped the dangling purse from the crook of her arm, pulled off her jacket and shoes, then picked her up and got under the covers with her. “I’m here. I’m here.”

  “Make me forget, Luke.”

  “Catherine, we need to tal—”

  Her mouth found his, the urgency and need as bold as her hands on the zipper on his pants. “Please, Luke.” Her hand closed around his masculinity.

  His breath shuddered out over gritted teeth. “Cath—”

  “Please.”

  With a hoarse groan of defeat, his mouth fastened on hers. The kiss wasn’t gentle. She hadn’t expected or wanted it to be. Too many chaotic emotions were raging through them. Fear. Regret. Pain. Anger. But the emotion that emerged with each heated kiss, each feverish touch, each ragged sigh was love.

  There was as much desperation as passion when he buried himself deep in her liquid heat. They clung to each other fiercely, caught up in the fiery rapture. Stroke for incredible stroke, she matched him. Higher and higher they climbed together, unwilling for the end to come, but unable to stop its approach.

  Then it happened. Her body tensed beneath him, his above. Their cries mingled as they found completion together.

  For a long time afterward, Luke held Catherine, feeling the aftershocks sweeping through her. And in spite of the sexual gratification of his body, there was a need for something deeper. “Catherine.”

  No sound came but her uneven breathing. She wasn’t asleep.

  He rolled to his back, taking her with him. “Have it your way. I’ll talk, you just listen. I love you. I’ve never said those words to another woman, nor will I.”

  Beads of moisture dropped on his chest. Tears. His hold tightened. “You’re the only woman for me, Catherine. My love won’t fade, it will only grow stronger.” He kissed the top of her bowed head. “If you don’t want to get married, we won’t. Just don’t shut me out. Give us a chance.”

  Luke stared up at the ceiling and prayed to his gods that she’d listen. Yet something warned him that, like the night he and his brothers and sister had prayed for their father’s safe return and their prayers had gone unanswered, this prayer would also.

  CATHERINE AWOKE WITH A SPLITTING HEADACHE. TENsion and tears were a bad combination. Cautiously, she lifted her head and stared straight into Luke’s coal black eyes. Sitting in a chair on the other side of the room, he looked as tired as she felt. She had caused that. Her eyes shut tightly.

  “Catherine?”

  The touch of his hand, the concern in his voice opened her eyes. “I—”

  “I brought your suitcase in here. Take a shower and get dressed. I’ll start breakfast.” Then he was gone.

  Catherine lay back in bed fighting the stinging moisture in her eyes. Neither one of them could get through a rehash of last night. She could think of only one solution, and Luke would hate her forever.

  Throwing back the covers, she got out of bed. Not giving herself time to change her mind, she retrieved a card from her purse, then picked up the phone on the night stand and dialed.

  CATHERINE DRAGGED OUT THE SHOWER FOR AS LONG as she could manage. Twice Luke had come to check on her. Her makeup and dressing ate up another twenty minutes. She checked the small platinum watch on her arm. Please hurry.

  The thought was barely out of her mouth before she heard the door bell chimes. Picking up her luggage, she slung her purse over her shoulder, and left the bedroom. She halted abruptly as the small group of people in the foyer turned to her. She had expected only one. Tightening her grip on the suitcase, she continued.

  Luke crossed the room to her. “Why did you call her?”

  Ruth Grayson, her face pinched with worry, was right behind him. “Yes, Catherine, why? You said Luke needed me. He seems fine.”

  “My mistake. If you’ll excuse me.”

  “You’re not going anyplace until this is settled between us.”

  She glanced anxiously at his mother. She’d miscalculated again. Luke loved and respected his mother, but he wasn’t afraid to speak his mind in front of her. “Let it go.”

  “Everybody leave,” Luke told them, his gaze locked on Catherine.

  “No.” She shook her head, refusing to look at him. “Don’t you understand I can’t go through it again? It’s over—accept it.”

  “No.” This time it was Luke who voiced the refusal.

  Her hands clenched, her head fell. “Luke, I can’t be what you want.”

  He grabbed her shoulders and dragged her to him. His mother’s startled gasp, and the forward surge of his brothers and sister, did nothing to deter him. Turbulent emotions swirled in his black eyes. “You’re what I want. Can’t you understand that?”

  “Luke, let her go,” his mother said, her voice trembling. “Luke.”

  Morgan’s large hand settled on his brother’s rigid shoulder. “This is no way to handle this.”

  “Stay out of this,” Luke said tightly.

  Sierra, Pierce, and Brandon traded worried glances. Luke had always been the leader, the one everyone deferred to. If he wouldn’t listen to Morgan or their mother, they weren’t sure what to do. Help came from the least-expected source.

  “Don’t make me despise myself any more than I already do.” Catherine’s trembling hand rested lightly on his chest. “You love your family. I don’t want anything to jeopardize that. I seem to keep getting it wrong.” She visibly swallowed. “I only meant to love you.”

  “God, Catherine.” He crushed her to him, felt her scalding tears against his skin. He could hold her body, but not her heart, her mind. Abruptly, he set her away. “Go. Run. But you’ll never be able to run away from our love. The Muscogee language had no word for goodbye. No matter how far you go, you won’t be able to run far enough, fast enough.” Releasing her, he turned and stalked out of the house.

  Unknowingly, Catherine took a halting step after him. A strong hand on her arms stopped her. She looked up into eyes as black as midnight, and as turbulent as a summer storm.

  “Morgan, let her go,” urged his mother.

  “I can’t do that, Mama,” Morgan told her, his gaze never leaving Catherine’s. “Unless you’re planning on staying, I can’t let you go after him.”

  Catherine’s head fell. “Someone should be with him.”

  “You just ripped him to shreds, what do you care?” a feminine voice lashed out.

  “Sierra, be quiet. You haven’t seen them together,” Brandon admonished. “Can’t you see she’s as torn up as Luke is?”

  “He’s hurting,” Sier
ra defended, her small body quivering with fury.

  “So is she. But until we have all the facts, Luke might not take it kindly if you bash his lady,” commented another brother.

  “Pierce is right, Sierra,” Morgan said. “Sometimes things aren’t what they seem.”

  Sierra separated herself from her brothers. She studied Catherine’s face, ravaged by tears and pain. “If you need a place to stay until you work things out with Luke, I have an extra bedroom.”

  Catherine was totally caught off guard by the invitation. So were the other Graysons. Sierra wasn’t fond of overnight guests.

  “Thank you, but I have a plane to catch.” Catherine reached for her luggage.

  Sierra’s small hand closed around the handle first. “I’ll take you. You’re in no shape to drive.”

  “Thanks, but—”

  “Luke isn’t known for his patience,” Morgan interrupted. “If he comes back, all hell is going to break loose.”

  “And you can bet you won’t be leaving anytime soon, if at all,” Sierra added.

  Catherine palmed her forehead. Things were going too fast. “I have a rental.”

  “I can drive it, you can go with Mama.” Sierra gave the suitcase to Morgan, stuck out her hand to Catherine for the key. “If we’re going, we better get started.”

  Digging in her purse, Catherine handed her the key. They all swept out of the cabin and she was left to follow.

  Five vehicles were parked behind Luke’s truck. Ruth had apparently called her other children when she thought Luke was in trouble. A close family where children would be loved and spoiled. There was no place for her.

  She gazed into the woods. Luke would be there alone. “He shouldn’t be by himself.”

  “He won’t be.” Morgan led her to his mother’s 4×4 and opened the door. “I don’t usually interfere in other people’s personal lives, but Luke is special. He deserves the best.”

  “I know. That’s why I’m leaving.” Getting in, she shut the door on Morgan’s puzzled face.

  By the time Ruth had turned around, Morgan, Brandon, and Pierce were nearing the woods. Catherine abruptly sat forward in her seat. “The wolf hybrid. I forgot. He bit the man who tried to break into the cabin.”