The Lessons Read online
Page 25
It doesn’t really matter. He believed that I might speak, and that was enough.
I smoked another cigarette, watching the people walking about the streets. And as the day turned to evening and the cafés and restaurants of Islington began to tinkle and rattle, I let myself out of the flat and went home.
Night, rising from the sea-green depths of a dream I forgot instantly on waking to the insistent sound of a telephone.
Jess, awake fractionally sooner than me, switched on her bedside light. A cloud of yellow and blinking resolved at last into her face looking at mine and the sound of a telephone still. She frowned at me. I attempted to frown back, furrowed with sleep.
She walked into the hall and picked up the telephone.
I heard her say, ‘Hello?’
Then, ‘It’s all right. What is it?’
Then a long pause. Then, ‘Oh, God. No.’
She walked back into the bedroom, holding the phone to her ear. Her expression was unreadable.
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Yes, I’ll tell him. Yes, he’s here now. Do you want us to come?’ A pause. ‘All right. We’ll see you tomorrow.’
She sat on the end of our bed and took hold of my hand, turning it over to put her palm against mine.
‘Oh, James,’ she said, and I think I knew then. Nothing other than this would have caused such horror, nothing less would have stretched the skin around her eyes or made her mouth convulse. ‘Oh, James, there’s been an accident.’
22
There was an inquest, of course. There had to be. A slow judicial uncovering of facts, a piecing together of shattered things, laying out the bones of the matter and noting: first this happened, then this, then this. This is how we make sense of the world, by trapping it in words and sentences, by pinning it like a butterfly to a felt backcloth, killing it to keep it still, so we may trace its lines.
So, there was this: the November night was cold and the road was icy. Slides were shown of the ice on the road, the place where the tyres failed in their grip, the long, dark streaks where Mark’s foot had hit the brake but the car had not stopped, and had not stopped, and had not stopped. The depth of the tread had been measured, the length of the skid marks, the distance to the point of impact. The figures were carefully recorded.
And there was Mark’s condition. Not drunk, it was ascertained, not over the limit. His blood and urine had been tested, but nothing of note had been discovered. He was lucky in that, if one can call it luck. If he and I had not argued he might have stayed in London for his usual excursions which would have left their traces. But if we had not argued and he had stayed in London everything might have happened differently. At the least, if we had not argued his mood might have been different. Mr Winters, they said, was in an agitated state. He and his wife had argued, the coroner heard. A separation had been discussed. A highly agitated state. It was recorded.
But was he speeding? No. At the point when the brakes were applied, it could be calculated using various models, the car was travelling at between 40 and 45 miles per hour. Perhaps a little fast for an icy country road late at night, with a child fast asleep, he thought, strapped into her car seat. Perhaps a little fast, but not excessive. One would not criticize him, said the police witness, on that score alone. And we who knew how Mark drove when he was in a highly agitated state, we who had seen him take his eyes from the road … I who had seen the bead of sweat on his upper lip and known that he himself did not understand why he did what he did … We did not speak up, of course we didn’t. It was too late for that, too late for it to do any good. No one could know, now, precisely what had happened despite all tests and calculations. The night was cold. The bend was sharp. The speed was not excessive. These were the preliminary conclusions. Mr Winters, approaching a sharp bend, did not perceive the patches of black ice on the road. The front nearside wheel of his car hit the ice, causing the car to skid. Mr Winters wrenched the wheel, an overcorrection. The car hit a second patch of ice and skidded for several yards before colliding first with a fence and then, careening sideways, a tree at the side of the road. On impact, the car was travelling at approximately 20–25 miles per hour.
And the child. Yes, here we came to it. I heard the sigh in the fingers of the coroner as he turned the page to look once more at the photo-graphic evidence. I did not see the photographs, did not wish to see them. I believe that Franny looked, with Simon. I believe that he wanted to see. Mr Winters, they said, naturally thought the child was asleep in the back seat. He had picked her up from her grandparents’ house – ‘wildly demanded her,’ one testimony reported. They did not think it wise to withhold the child from him although the hour was late and the child already asleep. She could in any case be carried to the car, fastened into her seat and taken to her own bed without waking her.
He would have held her close to him, as he always did. The inquest did not go into this point, but it is clear to me. He would have smelled the milky, honeydew-melon scent of her breath and heard the quiet snuffle of her snore. Daisy, asleep, always had a look of tremendous seriousness; a frown between her closed eyes. He would have held her close to him and kissed the side of her neck and placed her, with such care, sleeping into the car seat, and fastened the buckle at her waist.
On this point, a great deal of time was spent. Who had seen him buckle it? Who had heard the harness snap shut? Had they been certain the click was heard? It was a matter of grave importance, not least for the manufacturers of this brand of child’s car seat, and for the several thousand other parents who had purchased the same brand in the past three years. It was necessary to apportion blame, if blame there were to be apportioned. For when the car was examined it was clear that the buckle was undone. Could she have done this herself? The evidence was inconclusive. It had been known for children to undo their car seats, although a parent carelessly fastening a seat was more common. Mrs Winters had in the past seen the child trying to undo the buckle, little fingers and thumbs pressing down on the central latch, tongue out in concentration, pressing and pulling. Daisy was always trying to free herself from harness. Mark encouraged her. But there was no way, at this stage, to be certain.
The child had been in a deep sleep when she was placed in the car, it was concluded, but the cold might have woken her. Would Mark not have noticed that she had awoken? Would she not have cried out? Would he not have seen her move? Ah, but he was in a highly agitated state. And she, sleepy and confused, might have made a little noise but been drowned out by the roar of the engine through the cold and frosted night. Perhaps Mr Winters had not, in his agitated state, fastened the buckle correctly. Perhaps it had already been open. Or perhaps Daisy had worked her little fingers down under the tight-fitting straps to the buckle, where she had pushed and wiggled until the webbing holding her in place released. It is so hard, sometimes, to tell the difference between the bindings that trap and those which secure; too hard for a child to know.
It was impossible now to ascertain which of these scenarios had occurred. But certain it was that, at the moment of impact, the child was unsecured. At the first impact, she had been thrown forward, upward and to the side, into the window. She did not, as the expert witness averred, ‘exit the vehicle’, but the impact was sufficient to crack the window’s toughened glass. It was then that the most serious injury was sustained: the fracture of the skull, the unstaunchable cerebral haemorrhage. The second impact had thrown her back against the floor of the car, but the damage this had caused was by comparison minor. If the parents might find a modicum of comfort in it, the coroner said, they could be assured that the child had died without regaining consciousness.
The verdict was accidental death. The coroner expressed his sorrow. The grieving parents could not look at one another as they passed from the court into the brittle winter day without.
For several days, it seemed that no one spoke. There was a rushing sound constantly, like the sound of planes taking off, a blanket of noise which made speech intolerable. For se
veral days, there was nothing in the world but the sound of weeping.
But there was madness, too. A hideous, scrabbling, madness which blew in great choking lungfuls through us so that we cried out suddenly, or woke terrified in the night, or looked at ourselves in the mirror and thought, I do not know who that person is, I do not know at all. There was no reasonable response but madness. There was no reason.
Jess developed again the eczema which had not troubled her since childhood. Long raw streaks appeared on her legs and on her back and on her freckled chest, burning weeping flaking patches as if she had been licked by flame. She could not bear to be touched; even the flick of a bedsheet as she turned in the night could make her cry out.
Mark did not attempt to hide from us the fresh scars, red and raging down his arms. He had come to stay with us because Nicola did not, because she could not, because they were not, there were no words between them. Even the language of glances or of touch had gone, even that. And because she blamed him, yes of course that too. There was no evidence of dangerous driving and yet we knew, we all knew, every one of us knew. It might have happened to anyone, the coroner had said, and yet it had happened to Mark. An icy road, an un fastened buckle, a highly agitated state.
And so there was a taking of sides. Simon, of course, was with Nicola. The family wrapped itself tightly, a nexus of guilt and pain. I did not hear their conversations, but I can imagine how they would have spoken between themselves, each one saying to the other, ‘Why didn’t I stop him? Why didn’t I tell you to stop him? Why did we hand over that sleeping bundle, why? What were we thinking?’
Franny attempted, at first, to go between sides. She loved Mark, she did, and hung on his neck and wept with him, and all her sardonic wit was gone and instead she lit cigarette after cigarette for him, holding two between her lips and lighting them both and passing one to him as if she were giving him oxygen or vital medication. But she loved Simon too, and it was hard for her. She grew pinched and drawn as the days went on, harder and with her grief inside her like a stone.
It came to an end one day while Jess was in the bathroom of our flat dressing the fresh wounds on Mark’s arms and Franny and Emmanuella had walked on to the balcony to smoke. We were talking of nothing, as we did, and Franny became silent and then said, with a return of her sardonic smile, ‘Has it ever occurred to you that, if Jesus and God are the same person, and God made Jesus suffer on the Cross, then Jesus is a self-harmer?’
There was a shift in the atmosphere. Emmanuella moved her weight from one leg to the other and threw her cigarette over the balcony.
‘A self-harmer too, I mean,’ Franny persisted, ‘like Mark.’
Emmanuella moved suddenly, with a jerky motion unlike her accustomed grace, half hesitating as she acted. She took a pace forward and slapped Franny hard across the cheek.
Franny staggered back, her hand clutching her face.
‘Fuck!’ she said. ‘Fuck, what did you do that for?’
Emmanuella was impassive, her features calm.
‘It is not to joke, Franny, not about such things, not now.’
‘Fuck,’ said Franny, nursing her face.
Emmanuella watched her and said nothing.
And after that Franny did not come to our flat any more.
There were days and days to wait before the funeral. Acres of time to fill. And after the first numbness, the days were long and the nights were terrifying. Mark raved and stamped and wailed in the night, not sleeping or waking from sleep to find the knowledge new and fresh and all horror once more. We put a photograph of Daisy in the living room and it seemed both too much and not enough. Father Hugh visited Mark and sat with him for an hour in silence. Mark’s mother telephoned, but he would not speak to her. Jess applied aqueous cream to her red-raw streaks and Mark came home with pills in tiny bags or with folded pieces of paper and we waited for the funeral.
It was for Nicola’s family, that responsibility. There was never any argument about that.
Rebecca telephoned to let us know the arrangements. Here the location, here suitable hotels (and here, she told us, the family’s hotel, the hotel we were to keep Mark away from). She preferred not to speak to Mark. Once, he leapt up as I was talking to Rebecca and grabbed the phone from my hand.
‘Where’s Nicola?’ he demanded. ‘I want to talk to my wife.’
In the silence of his listening we heard Rebecca’s crisp tones buzzing through the receiver.
‘She doesn’t want to talk to you, Mark.’
The old Mark would have wheedled and persuaded. This Mark said nothing; like a broken prisoner, he hung his head and passed the telephone back to me.
Later, I said to Jess, ‘I expect they wish they’d never met him.’
Jess said, ‘He saved Leo’s life. He still did.’
So few things in life permit clear calculations. Unlike the equations of velocity and heat transfer I’d learned at Oxford, the effect of one person’s life on another cannot be weighed in micrograms. ‘What is truth?’ said jesting Pilate, and would not stay for an answer.
Something disturbed me before dawn in the hotel on the morning of the funeral. I awoke quivering, alert. A thump, a series of clanks, a muffled thud from the connecting room; Mark’s room.
The door was unlocked and he was not in bed. The bedsheets and duvet were tangled and twisted. The drawers of the dresser had been flung about the room, the table upended. A keening sound came from the bathroom. I opened the door. Mark was leaning over the sink, breathing heavily. In his right hand he held a razor blade, which he was pressing deeply into the surface of his chest, just below the collarbone. Blood was running down his arm and chest, thick like syrup. There was blood in the basin, and on the wooden floor, on the white towels. There was a bloody handprint on the mirror, where he’d been leaning. He looked up, his pupils large and dark.
He said, ‘James.’
He said, ‘I can’t. I mean, it’s not. It’s not a good time for a party, James.’
I felt my heart thump in my throat.
I caught at his arm, the one with the razor, trying to pull the blade from his grasp.
I said, ‘Stop, Mark, stop.’
And he started to scream.
Jess called her father, the GP, staying in a hotel a few miles away. Mark was seeing things. He talked about ghosts and demons, horses and angry avenging angels. I walked him up and down on the balcony. The night air calmed him a little and the screaming stopped but not the muttering, the slow murmur of sibilant syllables.
‘Somewhere,’ he said, ‘somewhere something, I can’t I can’t stop, stop them, ask, she didn’t ask, she says.’ He picked at the gushing wound on his chest.
Jess’s father was all cool medical professionalism. He shone a light into Mark’s eyes and tipped out one tiny white pill from a brown bottle.
‘Now,’ he said, looking directly at Mark and holding his gaze, ‘I’m going to give you something to make you feel better. Do you think you can swallow this little pill?’
Mark nodded abruptly several times.
I washed the blood from my hands, brought him a glass of water and he took the pill.
Jess’s father said, ‘It’ll take about twenty minutes to kick in.’
He took Mark’s hand in his and laid Mark’s head on his chest. And then Jess, stroking the hair at the nape of Mark’s neck, began to sing:
‘Au clair de la lune, mon ami Pierrot,
Prête-moi ta plume, pour écrire un mot.
Ma chandelle est morte, je n’ai plus de feu.
Ouvre-moi ta porte, pour l’amour de Dieu.’
I wouldn’t have thought she’d remember, but memory is a strange thing and pulls what is necessary from secret crevices at urgent times. It was the tune of the music box, the sound he had loved as a boy, and after a while Mark did begin to calm. His muttering ceased, his fidgeting grew still and, a little later, he yawned.
Jess’s father looked over Mark’s cuts with professional calm. Seve
n deep lacerations above the heart; we could see the sickening white of rib at the bottom of some of them.
‘I’m going to suture these now,’ he said. ‘It might sting a bit. We could go to the hospital if you’d prefer.’
Mark shook his head. No, he would not prefer. His eyelids were sagging and then creeping open again, whites of his eyes flashing.
It was a slow and meticulous process, sewing Mark back together. It reminded me of my mother, when I was a child, sewing up an old toy whose stuffing was falling out. The needle went in through the flesh and slowly the thread was pulled after it. And again. And again. Sewing the skin together with even, elegant stitches until all the raw edges were gone. While he worked, Jess’s father muttered to Mark, telling him the stitching was going well, that it would soon be over, that he was a good boy. Mark meanwhile lay perfectly still, breathing in and out, his raked chest rising and falling.
When it was over Mark slept, and we changed from our bloodstained clothes and went downstairs to drink coffee.
Jess’s father said, ‘He was lucky you found him, James. Another few minutes with that razor and he could have done very serious damage. If he’d passed out from the blood loss he …’
He paused. We understood what could have happened if Mark had passed out, bleeding heavily, alone in a hotel room in the middle of the night.
He continued,‘You know, when Jess was little, I thought about this constantly. Constantly. How many ways there are to hurt a child.’
He took a gulp of coffee.
‘One tries not to let them know, naturally, but one begins to be haunted by these visions the moment they’re born.’

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French Decadent Tales (Oxford World's Classics)
Phantasm Japan: Fantasies Light and Dark, From and About Japan
01 The Pothunters
Roxanne St. Claire - Barefoot With a Bad Boy (Barefoot Bay Undercover #3)
My Father's Tears and Other Stories
Every Part of You Taunts Me
WorldLost- Week 1: An Infected Novel
July 1930
Kennedy In Denver (In Denver Series Book 1)
bw280
9781618854490WildChelceeNC
Stargazer Maxima (Cosmic Justice League Book 1)
Complete Works of James Joyce
The Collected Westerns of William MacLeod Raine: 21 Novels in One Volume
BeneathCeaselessSkies Issue003
ebooksclub.org Open Secrets Stories
The Possibility of Us
Purple Haze (Blue Dream Book 2)
The Season of Passage
The Onyx Talisman
King of Kings
After the Rain (The Twisted Fate Series Book 1)
The Blessing
Ann H
DeathOBTourist
Sword and Sorceress XXVII
New Blood (The Blood Saga Book 2)
GRANDMA'S ATTIC SERIES
A Bad Day for Sorry
06 The Head of Kay's
Diehl, William - Show of Evil
Two Pieces of Tarnished Silver
The Fate of Falling Stars
Behind the Pines (The Gass County Series Book 3)
Bertrand Russell
Love and a Blue-Eyed Cowboy
The Swamp Warden
Fight With Me (Fight and Fall)
Candy Girl
GODWALKER
Red Mandarin Dress
Oscar
After the Fire, A Still Small Voice
To Get To You
Neruda and Vallejo: Selected Poems
You Don't Have to be Good
Jane Vejjajiva
Phoenix Daniels- Beautiful Prey 3
Michelle Woods - Animal Passions (Blue Bandits MC Book 2)
WE
The Way of the Sword
Sarwat Chadda - Billi SanGreal 02 - Dark Goddess
ChristmastoDieFor
Alphas Prefer Curves
The Hot Pink Farmhouse
The Cry of the Marwing
Love Lies
The Scars of Saints
Russian Magic Tales from Pushkin to Platonov (Penguin Classics)
THE COLD FIRE-
Imminent Danger (Adrenaline Highs)
BeneathCeaselessSkies Issue007
Cox, Suzanne - Unexpected Daughter
Closer to the Heart (The Heart Trilogy Book 3)
February 1931
How To Write Magical Words: A Writer's Companion
Homeland Security (Defenders of Love Book 2)
The_Chronicl-ir_to_the_King
The Project Gutenberg eBook of To Invade New York.... , by Irwin Lewis
February 1930
THE_REALM_SHIFT
Devi
Wolf3are
Hearts Through Time
BeneathCeaselessSkies Issue005
A CRY FROM THE DEEP
Without Prejudice
The Daughter's Return
Amy Sumida - Light as a Feather (Book 14 in The Godhunter Series)
Third World War
The curse of Kalaan
Crash Lights and Sirens, Book 1
Debra Webb - Depraved (Faces of Evil Book 10)
Amy Sumida - Perchance To Die (The Godhunter Book 12)
The Lion of Boaz-Jachin and Jachin-Boaz by Russell Hoban(1973)
Rough Around the Edges Meets Refined (Meet Your Match, book 2)
A Soul's Sacrifice (Voodoo Revival Series Book 1)
Charles Willeford - Way We Die Now
Type here book author - Type here book title
2012-09-Shattered Steel
With Strings Attached
9781618853462BlindEcstasyHoltNC
Girl Friday
An Unacceptable Death - Barbara Seranella
Hidden Realms
Last Night Another Soldier
The Worst Witch to the Rescue
Immortal of Darkness
the eye of the tiger
The Last Illusion
June 1931
Taming Her Italian Boss
Once Bitten - Clare Willis
9781618852014TheSpaceCougarsCadetPierce
Pulp Fiction | The Invisibility Affair by Thomas Stratton
TrustMe
White Is for Witching
May 1930
The Girl of Diamonds and Rust (The Half Shell Series Book 3)
DropZone
29 Three Men and a Maid
bc-1010_mother_in_bondage_paul_gable_
Complicated Matters
Untitled0
changing-places-david-lodge
The Winter House
The Alchemy Press Book of Urban Mythic
HORRORS! #2 More Rarely Reprinted Classic Terror Tales
Best European Fiction 2013
Earthquake
The Secret of the Rose and Glove
What to Do When Someone Dies
Amy Sumida - Tracing Thunder (The Godhunter Series Book 13)
True Ghost Stories: Real Accounts of Death and Dying, Grief and Bereavement, Soulmates and Heaven, Near Death Experiences, and Other Paranormal Mysteries (The Supernatural Book Series: Volume 2)
Manage Me (Taven's Circus Book 1)
9781618850638IfOnlyYouKnewBergman
Islamic States of America (Soldier Up Book 2)
book
Another World
Amy Sumida - Out of the Darkness (The Godhunter Book 11)
The Rainbow Pool
The Pantheon: From Antiquity to the Present
2012-12-Thieves Vinegar
in0
Wolf's Bane: Book Three of the Demimonde
11 The Swoop
Spud
Urban Legend
01
Taking Whatever He Wants: The Cline Brothers of Colorado
0968348001325302640 brenda huber shadows
Tales of the German Imagination from the Brothers Grimm to Ingeborg Bachmann (Penguin Classics)
AccidentalVoyeur
Dark Delicacies II: Fear; More Original Tales of Terror and the Macabre by the World's Greatest Horror Writers
A. Zavarelli - Stutter (Bleeding Hearts Book 2)
Oklahoma kiss
Born To Be Wild
Catching Haley (Falling for Bentley Book 2)
BeneathCeaselessSkies Issue002
The Seventh Execution
Simply Beautiful
Adaptation Part Two
The Way of the Dragon
Aminadab 0803213131
9781622661848 EPUB
Pulp Fiction | The Cat and Mouse Affair (August 1966)
The Black Lizard Big Book of Black Mask Stories (Vintage Crime/Black Lizard Original)
The Thackery T Lambshead Pocket Guide To Eccentric & Discredited Diseases
9781618853011NoHoldsBarredChelcee
Ruth Ann Scott - Alien Romance - Saved By An Alien
Borderlands 5
Susan Hatler - Just One Kiss (Kissed by the Bay Book 3)
Stephanie Thomas - Lucidity
Whisper of Leaves
Charity's Warrior
Nine Months to Change His Life
Surrendered: A Collection of Five Works
book_template2.qxd
Guardian
I Dream of Yellow Kites: What if it was all just a nightmare?
Delilah Devlin - Sm{B}itten (Night Fall #1)
BeneathCeaselessSkies Issue004
Body Heat
J.Rihards - An Agitated Gentleman (The Submission Series #2)
The Forsaken Rose: (Clean Young Adult, Fantasy Romance) (Rose Belmont Series)
Johnny Dash and the Doral Flower (Johhny Dash Series Book 1)
BeneathCeaselessSkies_Issue011
Change of Heart by Jack Allen
Arnica Butler - Well-Constructed Affairs
Marie Force - And I Love You (Green Mountain #4)
The Orphic Hymns
Perfect Personality Profiles
William F. Nolan - Logan's Run Trilogy (v4.1)
o ca77aeec6e4cf556
HisHumanCow
BeneathCeaselessSkies Issue010
Tampa Black: Part !
Ruby's Song (Love in the Sierras Book 3)
Troubled Daughters, Twisted Wives: Stories from the Trailblazers of Domestic Suspense
The Bonedust Dolls
GodOfWar05152014aLLROMANCE
October 1930
Bright Fires Burn Fastest
March 1931
Pulp Fiction | The Finger in the Sky Affair by Peter Leslie
Adien: The Sons Of The Apocalypse MC
The Mao Case
Microsoft Word - Documento1
Ghostwritten
Tropic of Night
I Remember You (An Erotic Romance) - Isis Cole
StealingFireCalibre
B00HSFFI1Q EBOK
Her Love Lost (Love Shattered Series Book 1)
storm
Can’t Never Tell
4221 words
dontjudge06242014aRe
My Lord Beaumont
Gagliano,Anthony - Straits of Fortune.wps
DreamDatewiththeMillionaire
i de1359f7e9a78273
The Blind Side of the Heart
Pleasure 2035
Bobby Hutchinson - [Emergency 01] - Side Effects (HSR 723).htm
The Unprintable Big Clock Chronicle
index
Harari, Yuval Noah - Sapiens, A - Sapiens, A Brief History Of Hum
Lend Me Your Ears: Great Speeches in History
Tainaron - Mail from another city
Porno
Doctor Who - The Silent Stars Go By
Highland Shifters: A Paranormal Romance Boxed Set
Diary of a Vampeen: Vamp Yourself for War
12 Mike
Sing to Me
B001GAQ55C_EBOK.prc
22 The Man With Two Left Feet
Serpent Moon
The Journey to the West, Revised Edition, Volume 4
9781618850034TroubleHunter
Dark Wood: Legends of the Guardians
Abduction Revelation II: Truth Be Told (The Comeback Kid)
Pulp Fiction | The Hollow Crown Affair by David McDaniel
Black Corner
Hawkmoon (The Hawkmoon Chronicles)
2012-11-Killing Time
Blood and Money
Pulp Fiction | The Synthetic Storm Affair (May 1967)
Trespass
The Barrier: The Teorran of Time: Teen Fantasy Action Adventure Novel
Quarterback Sneak
Adaptation Part One
amonthwithpub
Waltz This Way
BOH 8-21-07 (00178434).DOC
Helen Smith - Beyond Belief (Emily Castles #4)
tmp0
BeneathCeaselessSkies Issue009
The Politeness of Princes (The Politeness of Princes [1905]; Shields' and the Cricket Cup [1905]; An International Affair [1905]; The Guardian [1908]; A Corner in Lines [1905]; The Autograph Hunte
Do or Die Reluctant Heroes
January 1931
Susan Meissner - Why the Sky Is Blue
B005H8M8UA EBOK
cause to run an avery black my
B00N1384BU EBOK
Severance Lost (Fractal Forsaken Series Book 1)
Thrity Umrigar - First Darling of the Morning (mobi)
Her First Fisting
Sophia Hampton - Withdrawal (Satan's Cubs Motorcycle Club Book 2)
The Best Science Fiction of the Year: 1
The Juggler And His Rose
Marion Zimmer Bradley's Sword and Sorceress XXVI
Love Lust
PIECES OF LAUGHTER AND FUN
B00S79KYL6 EBOK
World's Funniest Jokes (Volume I): Huge Collection of mainly dirty jokes, puns and humor for adults
On killing
The Raymond Chandler Papers: Selected Letters and Nonfiction 1909-1959
Retaliation (The Assassins Book 1)
Enduring Love
B00F9G4R1S EBOK
9781618850478TwoForThePriceOfOneSullivan
Moon Bound (Glorious Darkness Book 1)
A Silence in the Heavens
Rogue Oracle
Guns of Alkenstar
CourtesanTales Masterfile
Orders from Berlin
The Perfect Match
Thea Frost - What His Darkness Reveals 04
September 1930
Portia Moore - He Lived Next Door
Pulp Fiction | The Vampire Affair by David McDaniel
Committed: An Erotic Valentine's Tale
Death At The Excelsior (Death at the Excelsior [1914]; Misunderstood [1910]; The Best Sauce [1911]; Jeeves and the Chump Cyril [1918]; Jeeves in the Springtime [1921]; Concealed Art [1915]; The Te
Selena Kitt - Gavin (Stepbrother Studs)
Tiredness Kills - A Zombie Tale
Shifting
Loser's Town
Thalia Lake - Choosey Lovers
The Savage Altar
German Cooking Today
The Touch of Love
A Passage to Absalom
A Beautiful Fate
B071NZPNXN EBOK
Purveyors and Acquirers (The Phosfire Journeys Book 1)
The Way You Love Me
Burned
Microsoft Word - Book 12 FINAL
Microsoft Word - TheEx-FactorFinal.docx
Amazing Stories 88th Anniversary Issue: Amazing Stories April 2014
BeneathCeaselessSkies Issue006
Charlene Hartnady - Stolen by the Alpha Wolf 3# (Determined Theft)
UNTOUCHABLE
Family Storms
Clean Romance: Loves of Tomorrow (Contemporary New Adult and College Amish Western Culture Romance) (Urban Power of Love Billionaire Western Collection Time Travel Short Stories)
Pulp Fiction | The Goliath Affair (December 1966)
Love and Punishment
Won't Back Down: Won't Back Down
von Willegen, Therése - Tainted Love (Siren Publishing Classic)
Broken
The Fighter's Girl
Watching You: KJ Elite Inc.
J.A. Pierre - A New Dawn: From Rich Housewife to Suddenly Single
14 Psmith in the City
i 7d341843b82569de
Truly, Madly
Noble Sacrifice
Red Solstice (Alfheim Book 1)
Volume 3: Ghost Stories from Texas (Joe Kwon's True Ghost Stories from Around the World)
HORRORS!: Rarely-Reprinted Classic Terror Tales
TheNine-MonthBride
Starfire
Loving Liza Jane
Spring Fires
The Secret Friend
Last Witness
B00OPGSMHI EBOK
KnightRiderLegacy
A Tale of Fur and Flesh
Helen Smith - Real Elves: A Christmas Story (Emily Castles Mysteries #5)
A.J. Bennett - Hired Gun #3 (The Sicarii)
Red Christmas
The Way Home (Lights of Peril)
Ever, Dirk: The Bogarde Letters
The Railway Detective
Free Fall
The Amateur Marriage
Amy Sumida - Blood Bound (Book 16 in The Godhunter Series)
April 1931
Temporally Out of Order
HALLOWED_GROUND
AJAYA I -- Roll of the Dice
Open File
Addiction (Magnetic Desires Book 2)
Crybbe (AKA Curfew)
B00I8BCQ6O EBOK
tameallrom
i beae453328863969
Hecate's Own: Heart's Desire, Book 2
A Life In Blood (Chronicles of The Order Book 1)
The Commitment
The Mighty First, Episode 1: Special Edition
Names My Sisters Call Me
Sharon Karaa - A Familiar Problem (Northern Witches #2)
August 1930
The Journey to the West, Revised Edition, Volume 1
Alexx Andria - A Christmas Promise
Bear of Interest
i 5f46cfb4d10d4d86
IT
Tombstoning
Pulp Fiction | The Howling Teenagers Affair (February 1966)
The Man From Beijing
So Paddy got up - an Arsenal anthology
A Book of Mediterranean Food
Science Fiction Fantasies: Tales and Origins
Lightning Rod Faces the Cyclops Queen
Letting Go (A Mitchell Family Series)
The Memory Game
Mandy M. Roth - Magic Under Fire (Over a Dozen Tales of Urban Fantasy)
KD Robichaux- Wish he was you (The Blogger Diaries Trilogy Book 2)
B018YDIXDK EBOK
Julia Mills - Her Dragon's Heart (Dragon Guard Series Book 8)
Number9Dream
B00ICVKWMK EBOK
The_Chronicl-_Rise_of_Lucin
Harcourte Vampyre Society 02 Dangerous Choices
Julian, by Gore Vidal
Amazing Stories 88th Anniversary Issue
Great Russian Short Stories
Dizzy
The Men of CLE-FD updated
Victoria Connelly - The Rose Girl
Nine One One
Borderlands 4
Change of Fate (The Briar Creek Vampires Series #4)
The Treasure of Far Thallai
Dark Whispers Sheridan and Cain 2009
Charissa Dufour - Misguided Allies (The Void Series Book 2)
Complete Works of J. M. Barrie
With Our Dying Breath
Harcourte Vampyre Society 01 Dangerous Revelations
BootyARe05202014