Crashing Into You Read online

  Lukas put his hand on mine. It didn’t give me the same feeling as Evan’s tender touch, but it was still comforting. “So are you gonna stay cooped up all weekend studying like me? Or are you gonna go have some fun?”

  “I have to study,” I said. “I have the whole summer to have fun. Can’t I have just a few more days of peace and quiet before everyone starts forcing me to go to parties every other night?”

  “Nobody’s saying that,” he said, “but come on, Sydney, when’s the last time you did something unexpected. You know... something dangerous.”

  I glared at him. “I’ve done something dangerous before, Lukas. I’d prefer not to have it repeated.”

  I didn’t need to say another word; he knew exactly what I meant. Unlike Melanie and Evan, Lukas knew every detail of my deadly car accident.

  “All I’m saying is, go out tonight, have fun. Our first final isn’t until Monday.” He shot me his cheesy signature grin, the kind that was always able to put a smile on my face no matter the sour mood I was in. “I think it’d be good for you.”

  I thought about it. I didn't want to commit to anything. “We'll see,” I said, with a shrug. “I mean... you might have a point.”

  And I knew in my heart he did.

  Chapter 5

  Lukas and I chatted for another half-hour, during which I told him every detail of what happened in sociology class. He was so impressed that he gave me ten high-fives by the end of our lunch. When we parted ways a little after 3, he said he’d be in the library all weekend, that I should drop by tomorrow if I wanted to study. I told him I’d probably see him sooner rather than later.

  I stopped off at Jamba Juice for a mango smoothie, and headed back to the dorm. I didn’t see Melanie at her desk, and I didn’t see her on her bed, either. She could have been up there, though. I had to check. I always had to check.

  Our room was double the size of our freshman dorm—the dorms in Doheny Hall were barely big enough for a bed and a sink, let alone people—but it was still pretty cramped, especially with Melanie’s stuff taking up more than seventy percent of the room. She had a huge desk, a bean bag chair, a refrigerator, a bookshelf (which didn’t have a single book on it), a DVD shelf (this did have movies), a 36-inch screen TV, and a dresser drawer for her clothes that towered all the way up to the ceiling. There hadn't been a lot of space for our beds, so the two of us decided on bunk beds, with the top bunk so high and private you could only hop up to it with the assistance of a wooden ladder. We’d both wanted the top bunk, so we flipped a coin. Tails, Melanie. Sometimes she slept so soundly up there I didn’t even know she was in the room; when she slept against the wall, it was impossible to see her or hear her from the floor.

  “Melanie?”

  Nothing. I set my drink down, stepped on the ladder, and climbed to the top.

  “Melanie?” I asked, again. “Are you up here?” I lifted up her bed sheets. “Are you—”

  “Sydney?”

  Her voice was so loud and harsh, right behind me, that she caught me off guard. I tensed up, held in a scream. When I turned to look at her, I accidentally pulled back on the ladder.

  “Sydney, what are you…”

  “Oh shit!” I shouted. I slipped and slammed my back against the bean bag chair, not the hard carpet, thank God. The ladder, though, wasn’t as fortunate; it struck the corner of Melanie’s dresser and shattered in two.

  “What the hell?” Melanie rushed over to me. “What happened? Are you okay?”

  I sat up. It all happened so fast. The room, which had been so clean and tidy mere seconds ago, now looked like a construction zone. “Yes, I’m fine.”

  “Wow.” Melanie crossed her arms and looked at the bottom of her dresser. “With one week to go, you finally did it.”

  “Did what?”

  “You destroyed that stupid ladder.”

  Melanie’s only route to her bed was now in two broken pieces on the ground. I waited for her to scold me. Instead, she started laughing.

  She helped me to my feet. “It’s fine,” she said. “It's not like I use it much anymore.”

  “You don't?”

  “Lately I've been hopping up from my desk. It's faster.” She grabbed the bottom piece of the ladder and handed it to me. She took the smaller part, and held it above her. “I don’t think these will fit in our trash can.” She laughed, again, and waved me to the door. “Come on.”

  We walked down the hallway, toward the big trash can near the vending machine. The students with their doors open glanced at us in bewilderment, like we were heading to the roof to battle. We tossed the ladder remnants in the trash, and I closed the top.

  “Thanks,” she said.

  “Thanks? I broke the thing. Thank you.”

  We walked back toward our room. “It’s kind of cyclical, isn’t it?” Melanie said, after a few seconds of silence.

  “What is?”

  “Remember when my chair broke that first week freshman year? The one my dad built from scratch from IKEA?”

  “Oh my God, that's right,” I said, and let out a loud chuckle. “I haven't thought about that in forever. Your dad was so ticked off.”

  “Remember when we spent that first Friday night trying to put it back together?”

  “And then we just—”

  “Threw it in the trash!” Melanie said, finishing my sentence.

  “That’s right! Then the next morning we went to that garage sale that had a chair for, like, ten bucks. And your dad…” I couldn’t finish, I was laughing so hard. It had been almost a year and a half, but I could still see the expression on her dad's face when he walked in the dorm.

  “I know,” Melanie said. “He walks in, and he’s so impressed we put the chair back together. I’m like, Dad, the chair you built was black. This one’s red.”

  “He thought we painted it!”

  We stumbled into the room, both of us laughing, and wiping tears from our eyes. Melanie and I hadn't shared a laugh like that in a long time.

  She let out a nostalgic sigh, and leaned up against her dresser. “But it’s all come full circle, you know? We began by breaking a chair, we ended by breaking a ladder. I’ll miss you next year, Sydney.”

  “I’ll miss you, too.” I bit down on my bottom lip. I didn't want Melanie's kindness to end, but I knew I had to ask her. “So... you’re not mad at me?”

  “Mad at you? About what?”

  “You know. Evan hugging me.”

  She smiled, dipped her head a little. Melanie was so beautiful, but not in an annoying way. Her skin was super tan, with a distinct little mole on the upper part of her left cheek. Her blonde hair was long and straight and came down past her shoulders. She had on the smallest trace of eyeliner, but unlike most of the sorority girls at LMU, Melanie didn’t wear a lot of make-up; she didn’t need to.

  “No, not at all,” she said, after a moment’s hesitation. “It looked a little weird from a distance, I'm not gonna lie, but Evan said he was just trying to make you feel better. He said you blew up at the class, about that car accident you were in senior year? Sydney, you told me about the accident, and that your boyfriend died, but you never told me a little boy and his mom were killed that night, too. That's so fucking sad. How come you hid that from me?”

  I leaned against the bunk beds, crossed my right foot over my left. “It's not that I hid it. It's just... it was horrible, Melanie. The worst experience of my life.”

  “I can't even imagine,” she said.

  “And despite what happened in class today,” I continued, “I really don’t like talking about it. Even though it’s been more than two years, it’s still way too fresh in my mind.”

  “That makes sense. Again, I'm really sorry.” She took a deep breath, and attempted a lame smile. “You wanna change the subject?”

  I nodded, and said, “Please, let's.”

  She sat down in her chair, and bumped her legs together. “I can't believe we're living together for just one more week.”
/>
  “I know! I can't believe it, either.”

  “When are you moving out again?”

  “I have an 8 AM final next Friday morning. Gender Communications, it sucks. Lukas and I aren’t allowed to move into our new place until Saturday, though, so it works out, I guess. What about you?”

  “My last final’s on Wednesday,” Melanie said. “So Thursday, probably. Where are you guys moving? Century City, right?”

  “No, Culver City. It’s a cute two-bedroom off Alameda.”

  “Oh, that's right. That'll be nice. You’ll have to show it to me sometime.”

  I smiled. “I would love that.”

  She headed to the bathroom, and closed the door. I thought the conversation was over—the shower turned on almost right away—so I sat down at my desk and sorted through my binders on the floor. Melanie was likely getting ready for a party. Would she invite me? I wasn't sure. I figured I was in for a long night of studying.

  I thought I’d start with sociology. We had to memorize 120 terms and definitions for the final. I took out the packet and dropped it down on my lap. I looked at the first term. Acculturation.

  I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to look at these words. I loved school, a lot more than most girls my age—but tonight, I needed an escape.

  A few minutes later, Melanie re-entered the room all wet, wearing only her yellow towel. She opened her underwear drawer.

  “What are you getting ready for?” I asked, tapping my fingers against my desk. “You and Evan going somewhere tonight?”

  “Yeah, my friend Lea’s throwing a party.” She grabbed a black pair of underwear and walked back toward the bathroom. She stopped at the door, and turned to me. “You know what?” She paused, pursed her lips. “You should come.”

  “What? Really?”

  “Yeah, why not?”

  Lukas insisted. Melanie asked. Part of me even wanted to go. Still, though, I said, “I’m not sure…”

  I attended the occasional party freshman year, and the same thing happened every time. I drank enough Sprite to send me into a sugar coma, as others around me descended into lower forms of primate, slurring their words, breaking out in fights, blasting the music so loud they were practically begging the cops to come. I had barely touched alcohol since the night James died, so I could get bored, fast.

  But Melanie and I were bonding like we hadn’t in months, and I realized after next week I wasn’t going to be seeing her much anymore. I looked up into her puppy-dog eyes.

  “It’ll be fun,” she said. “Super low key. It’s not even that far away, it’s just off campus. You can walk home if you want to leave early.”

  I turned my computer to SLEEP mode. “Okay,” I said. “I’ll go.”

  “Really?” She stepped toward me and did something crazy, even for Melanie; she gave me a big hug. “That’s so exciting!”

  I didn’t exactly hug her back. I knew she was happy because this was my first yes to a party invitation after about a dozen no’s—but she was still naked under that towel. “Yes, it is,” I said, and kept my hands to myself.

  She stepped toward the bathroom again. “Okay, so in an hour or so how about we get some food and then head over to Evan’s. I think his roommate’s gonna drive us.”

  “Zach?” Also known as the ultimate jerk, the ultimate womanizer. Almost as bad as Todd. I loved Evan, but I hated Zach.

  “Yeah. Is that cool?”

  I sighed. It wasn’t cool at all. What was I getting myself into? “Sure,” I said, and faked a smile. “Sounds perfect.”

  Chapter 6

  I got to sit by Evan in the car. It wasn't much, but it was something.

  Zach drove us to the party. I didn’t trust him. I didn’t really trust any drivers anymore—not even me—but Zach was a special case. When I spent time with him, which was seldom, he always had a drink in his hand, and anytime I tried to make conversation with him, it was like talking to an inebriated sheep.

  “Nice to see you again… uhh...” Zach said, into the rearview mirror, obviously trying to remember my name.

  I waited for his attempt. Last time, he called me Sarah. When he said nothing, I said, “Sydney.”

  “Sydney! Of course. How are you? It’s been a long time.”

  “Sure has,” I said. “Watch the road.” I tugged tight on my seat belt. It was the only thing that saved my life two years ago.

  Evan tapped me on the leg—by accident or not, I wasn't sure—then immediately tore his hand away. “You can just leave your hand there,” I wanted to say. “You can keep it there for an hour, or a day. I don’t mind.”

  Instead, I stayed quiet, and let him be the one to start the talking. “I don’t know how much Melanie told you about the party,” Evan said. “It shouldn’t be too crazy. There probably won’t be more than thirty or forty people.”

  I crossed my arms, and scoffed. “Why are you guys treating me like a child? I’m a big girl. I can handle a stupid party, all right? I’m not that much of a loser.”

  Evan's mouth dropped open a little, like he wanted to take back his words. “I don’t think you’re a loser, Syd. That’s not what I was saying.”

  “Yeah? What were you saying?”

  “I just want you to have fun, that’s all.” He smiled at me, revealed his cute little dimples. He ran his hand through his wavy, gelled hair. “The really big party’s tomorrow night, at Reece’s place. That one's gonna be so crazy I'm not sure if I wanna go.”

  “Yeah?” I knew he was lying, just trying to make me feel better. He wasn’t going to miss the last big party of the year. Not even for me. “You could join me and Lukas in the library tomorrow. I’m sure we’ll be studying late.”

  “Is the library even open on Saturday nights?”

  “Until 11, yeah,” I said.

  “I didn’t know that. You gonna study for sociology?”

  “Of course I am. Lukas has Mr. Hernandez, too, on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So we'll both be studying for it.”

  “Hmm.” Evan cracked his knuckles, looked out the window. “Maybe I’ll stop by.”

  “What are you two talking about back there?” Melanie asked, turning her head toward us.

  “Nothing,” Evan said. “Are we there yet?”

  “Yep, next street over!” Zach shouted, and barely ten seconds passed before he pulled to the curb.

  I stepped out of the car and winced. This wasn’t some intimate gathering; this was a large-scale house party, the same as all the others. Evan helped Melanie out of the car, and held her hand as they walked toward the entrance. They were such a cute couple, so complimentary to one another. I hated that about them.

  Zach didn’t accompany me like a gentleman, but ran past Evan and Melanie, and started jumping up and down, like he was on fire. I wasn’t even to the front porch when I heard him scream from the backyard, “LET’S GET THIS MOTHERFUCKER STARTED!”

  Ugh. What an ass.

  Melanie and Evan stayed close to me for a minute or two, but that all changed when her sorority sisters surrounded them and guided them toward the backyard.

  I was thirsty, so I headed to the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator, the cabinets. I searched through the empty twelve-pack cases. They didn’t have soda. They didn’t even have bottled water. I grabbed a plastic cup and ran the faucet. I didn’t like tap water, but it was better than nothing.

  “What are you having?” a familiar voice said to my left.

  I turned around. “Oh, hey! Robert, right?” I took a sip of the water. It tasted safe, hopefully toxin-free.

  The tall, ginger-haired sophomore opened the fridge. “Yeah. And you’re Sydney.”

  “That’s correct. Glad to know someone knows my name.”

  “Huh?”

  “Nothing.” I rested my back against the counter. Watched as he perused the fridge. I hoped he was looking for soda, too; it’d give us something to bond over. “How many classes have we had together now?”

  “Jeez, I don’t know. At least thr
ee, right?” He grabbed a Fat Tire from the bottom shelf. “Ahh, here we are.”

  “They don’t have a keg in the back?”

  “No, they do. It just tastes like cat piss.” He tore off the cap and took a sip.

  I thought he’d leave the room; he got what he came in for. But he huddled up next to me, a pleasant surprise. A communications major like me, Robert was five foot ten, pale white, and super cute, with endless freckles, a thin pair of glasses, and a mop top of dark red hair. He was also gay. At least, I assumed he was.

  “Who’d you come here with?” he asked.

  “I was going to ask you the same question.”

  He tilted his head to the left. “My friend Bradley. He always talks me into coming to these things. I’m not much of a party guy.”

  “I’m not either,” I said. “I hate to admit it, but sometimes I prefer studying in a quiet room somewhere, than going out and getting wasted.”

  He narrowed his eyes, and said, “Oh, I’d prefer this over studying.”

  “You would?”

  “Yeah. What I’d rather be doing right now is laying out on my couch, naked, eating a big bowl of chocolate chip ice cream, and watching The Walking Dead. Now that's my idea of a good time.”

  I laughed. “Naked? Really?”

  “Sure. If it was warm enough.”

  I finished my glass of water, then filled it up again. I leaned back and looked at Robert from head to toe. Goofy red pants, long-sleeved collared shirt with little hearts decorated all over it. He was so perfect for Lukas. They were both dorky, both wore glasses. They even looked kind of alike.

  “Would your friend Bradley be joining you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know. When you’re naked on the couch.”

  He leaned his head back. “Why would he do that?”

  I looked away from him, embarrassed. I wanted to run to the backyard and hide under the biggest rock I could find. “Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were... you know...”