Addiction (Magnetic Desires Book 2) Read online

  He unfolded himself from the chair and stood up. Clo’s voice held notes of amusement. "So now that you two have slept together, I hope you plan on at least buying her a cup of coffee. That is, of course, after you tell me how my daughter is doing."

  Drake fussed over Hannah, and Clo turned to me. "I think you should warn Orion you’re seeing someone. You know how protective he is. I’d hate to see the doctor here get his lights punched out because you didn’t tell your brother about him."

  She had a point. "I’m not seeing him. I mean we had one date, and it went badly."

  "And that’s why I found the two of you cuddled up together, fast asleep?"

  "Yes, no." I threw my palms up. "I don’t know what this is."

  Drake turned to Clo, and I waited as they talked. She nodded, and he beckoned the nurse over before approaching me. "I don’t know about you, but I could use that coffee right about now."

  I nodded and picked up my bag. Clo was focused on Hannah, so I let him take my hand and lead me out. We walked through the corridors and out into the sunshine, the natural glare causing me to dig through my bag for my sunglasses. "Where are we going?"

  "There’s a cafe a couple blocks down. We’ll get coffee and take a walk through the gardens."

  I sipped my brew as we meandered through the gardens. It was peaceful, and there weren’t many people around. "When we were back at the hospital, you said you hadn’t met a woman in a long time that interested you enough. What did you mean by that?"

  "There was someone." His shoulders slumped. "A long time ago."

  "What happened?" I touched his arm, and he covered my hand with his own, holding it there.

  "She died."

  I hadn’t expected the answer. My heart ached for him. "I’m so sorry."

  He pulled me into his chest. "It hurt for a long time, and I didn’t think I’d ever want anyone else in my life, but you can’t hold onto the past forever."

  I could beg to differ. I seemed to manage to do so. "How do you do that? How do you choose to let go and move on?"

  "I don’t know," he said. "I think you have to make a conscious decision to put it behind you and trust that life has something better to offer. I’ll always remember her, but she would want me to be happy."

  He leaned against the rock wall and I moved beside him. I wanted to believe it was as simple as putting the past behind me. That letting go of the hurt and lack of trust I had in myself and others wouldn’t lead to more pain, but I wasn’t so sure. Seeing him vulnerable made me intensely aware of my own vulnerability, and although he'd asked me out on a date, I couldn’t believe that he was interested in me enough for this to last much longer.

  He pulled me into him, pushing my back up against the wall as he pressed against me. "I’m going to kiss you."

  My heart pounded against my ribcage. I couldn’t move as I stared into his eyes. He pulled me into his stratosphere. My breath caught. I actually wanted him to kiss me. Licking my lips, I glanced at his, wondering what a real kiss with him would be like. One where I didn’t hold back.

  But, I couldn’t kiss him. If I kissed him I would drown, and then I would be powerless to stop him from taking what he wanted. I should say no. His eyes focused on my mouth as he dipped his head. Oh, shit. Trapped by his grip on my elbow, I found myself squeezing my eyes shut and forcing my body to go limp. His lips whispered over mine, and my stomach flipped.

  "Birdie, open your eyes for me."

  I opened my eyes and stared into his, barely an inch from mine. Why hadn’t he kissed me? What was he waiting for?

  "Why are you so scared?"

  "I’m not." I tried to break away from him, but he had me pinned with the wall at my back. "What makes you think I’m scared?"

  "It’s in your eyes, on your skin." He brushed a thumb along my jaw line, and my heart thundered faster. "You don’t let go, and you don’t let anyone in."

  "You don’t know me," I snapped, though apparently he did. How could he sum me up in one sentence, when he barely knew more than my name?

  "You’re right. I don’t yet, but I want to. And I want to kiss you, ‘til you’re climbing my body for more."

  "I want you to kiss me," I said, and meant it. I wanted him to kiss me so he could let me go, both the hold of his hands on my body and the attraction between us, and yet I wasn’t sure kissing him wouldn’t only make it worse.

  "Nah, darlin’, not enough. I want you to want it so bad, that when I take your mouth not one single inch of you is held back. I don’t want to kiss you only to see fear in your eyes."

  He let go of me and headed toward the path, while I hurried to catch up with him. "I want you to kiss me."

  He spun around and caught me up in his arms, pressing his lips against mine and abruptly letting me go.

  "That wasn’t… I thought you were going to really kiss me."

  He tucked my hair behind my ear. "Show me then. Show me what you want."

  "Um." I swallowed as I moved in closer to his chest. If I wanted this kiss, I was going to have to work for it. Reaching up on tiptoes, I rested my hands on his shoulders, and he held me steady with a palm to the small of my back. Our faces were so close; I flicked glances from his eyes to his mouth, unable to take in his whole face. Our chests rose and fell, our breathing falling into sync, and I could see the slight shading on his jaw. His pupils dilated as he held me in his steady gaze. Frozen in place, he didn’t move a muscle as I brushed my lips gently against his, but his fingers trembled against my back. Was this what it would have been like to kiss me, if I wasn’t the one in charge? I didn’t like it. I wanted him to kiss me, to really kiss me.

  Sliding my arms around his neck, his hair silken against my fingertips, I curled it around one digit as I kissed him again. His lips were softer than I expected, and warm against my own. I knew what came next, but I didn’t know how to initiate the kind of kiss I wanted from him when I was the one in charge.

  I opened my mouth enough for my tongue to dart out and run across his lower lip, and his fingers dug into my back as he parted his lips under mine. He tasted as good as he smelled, and I timidly thrust my tongue forward to meet his, sliding against each other. It was a sweet kiss as I explored his mouth, but it wasn’t what I wanted. Thankful he'd given me this moment so I didn't have to be afraid of not being in control, I couldn't help wanting more. His body was so stiff against mine, and that slight tremble turned into a tremor as I kissed him. He was holding back, and I wanted all of it. I broke the kiss off and ran my lips over the slight prickle of his jaw. "This isn’t what I want. I want...you to kiss me with everything you’re holding back right now. I want it all."

  He shook as he exhaled. "Are you sure? Because if I kiss you now, it’s not going to be gentle, or slow. I’m going to devour you."

  A quiver ran from my belly up my spine at his words, and I nodded.

  "Good." His hand traveled up my back and into my hair, gripping it and forcing my head back while he brought his lips down to capture mine. The tangle of my lips against his set my blood racing and I kissed him back with all I was worth, my fingers sliding into his hair as my hips rose to meet his. He nipped at my lower lip, and I parted willingly for him as he probed my mouth with his tongue, meeting each caress with my own. So, this was what a real kiss should be like. Crushed up against his chest, I could barely breathe while he possessed my mouth, like he owned me. I wanted it. I wanted more. A moan escaped between us, and I was surprised that it was mine. I was trembling with each deep thrust of his tongue, and each glide of his lips against mine made me want more. If kissing him was like this, then what would more be like?

  He broke the kiss and left me trying to catch my breath, my knees shaking. I couldn’t find the strength to unwrap my arms from his neck as he stared into my eyes.

  Then he lowered his lips to my ear. "The next time I kiss you I won’t wait for permission."

  Oh, shit. My heart picked up speed and warmth pooled between my legs. One kiss and he thought he own
ed me, and I couldn’t deny that I wanted him to. I touched my lips. I could still feel him though he’d let me go.

  "I should go back. I need to go look after my nephew." It was an excuse, but if I stayed here, next to him, all he’d have to do was crook his finger and I’d be on my back in the grass with my panties between his teeth. Heat pooled, soaking my underwear, and I took a step away from him.

  He watched me, his lips pursed. "All right, let’s get you back."

  We didn’t talk as we walked back to the hospital. I didn’t know what to say to him, and he seemed shut off from me. His eyes guarded, his gaze unwavering from where he focused in the distance. I couldn’t understand why he had gone cold after that kiss. Had I done or said something wrong?

  He walked me to my car and opened the door for me to slide in.

  "You’re scared, aren’t you? Of whatever this is between us."

  I nodded, and he crouched beside me. "I want to get to know you." He placed his hand on my leg. "I won’t hurt you. I’m not the kind of guy who hurts women. I’m not going to push you, no matter how much I want you."

  "I…It isn’t that." How could I explain to him that I wasn’t afraid of him? I was afraid of me.

  "Tell me." He gazed at me, and I opened my mouth but the words wouldn’t come.

  "I have to go."

  He let me go, getting up and closing the door. Starting my car, I waited until he'd stepped away before driving out of the car park. I wanted him and he wanted me, but was that enough? It would be better if I went home and forgot all about him, and the way his kiss made me want to lose control. If I let him in, he’d have me to do with as he pleased, and I would be the one that had to live with the regret, because I wouldn’t be able to say no. I’d never been able to make good decisions.

  Chapter Eight

  Drake

  I shoved my fists in my pockets and shook my head. By god, she was a confusing woman. Her car weaved into the traffic until she was out of sight. With a groan, I scrubbed my hand along my jaw. I could still feel her mouth under mine. The way her breathing had picked up as she opened up to me and let me own her for those few minutes played in my mind. I’d known she’d be fire, but she’d scorched my insides when I'd devoured her, like I'd wanted to since the day I saw her attacking the bag at the gym. My pulse quickened. God, it had taken everything I had not to take her to the ground, roll her under me, and let her know exactly what she was doing to me.

  Even now, I was hard as a rock. Yeah, I still had hours before it became an issue, but that didn’t ease the intensity of it. I wandered across the garage to my bike. She was a cocktease if ever I’d come across one, and her naivety made it that much hotter. The way she gave in to me like she wanted what I was offering, and then went running in the other direction made me more determined to have her.

  Sure, I got it. Her tentativeness in the way she approached things, and how she ran away when she let things move too far outside her control, it all pointed at a girl who'd been mistreated. I didn’t understand why she was so scared though. The contradiction of her fear and her desire confused me and left me fascinated all at once. I wasn’t going to push her, much, just enough to make sure she came to me willingly.

  She was in my blood now, but it was more than her mouth and the sass she threw at me at every turn, or the kiss that let me know I could take whatever I wanted. It was that moment in the nursery with her curled up in my lap. I pulled my wallet from my pocket and flipped it open to find the picture I still carried. The corners were curled and a little tattered, but Hailey stared up at me with that quiet lingering smile she’d had. A daisy held her hair tucked behind her ear, and her gaze danced with amusement. "Shit Hailey, I’ve held onto you so long, but there’s something…" My hand trembled. "…I have to see where this goes."

  I shoved the photo back in my wallet and pulled on my helmet. Birdie had fit so perfectly with me, her body melding with mine as we fell asleep. I’d slept around a lot the past ten years, but not once had I fallen asleep with a woman in my arms. My chest constricted as guilt washed through me at letting someone get close enough to make me think about letting go of Hailey.

  Birdie

  I marched into the house, past Mellie, who was curled up on the couch. She looked up from the book she was reading, giving me a questioning gaze. My head dipped, not wanting to talk, I kept going to my bedroom. Slamming the door behind me, I threw myself down on the bed and cried. How could he turn me inside out with just one kiss, and more than that, how did he see through me so damn easily? Was my every thought and feeling written on my face? I’d told him nothing, and yet he knew how to push my buttons. He’d figured out who I was in a few short hours. I’d never been so scared of anyone in my life. I was sure he could make me forget the rules I’d followed for the past ten years. Flipping onto my back, I glared at the ceiling. "Fuck you, Doctor Barclay, for screwing up my life."

  ***

  It was dark when I woke, and I rolled onto my back to see the flashing light on my phone. Picking it up, I stared at the screen. I can’t stop thinking about how you melted when I kissed you. I know you’re scared, but I’m not going to let you go.

  I threw my phone down on the bed. I wasn’t going to answer. He’d get the hint and leave me alone. Chewing my lip, I snatched it up. You can’t have me. I’m too screwed up.

  My phone beeped seconds later as his next message came through. Everyone’s screwed up, Birdie. I always get what I want.

  Sitting up, I turned on the light. How was I supposed to reply to that? Not this time.

  In the kitchen I made a cup of tea and read Mellie’s note she’d made out of magnets on the fridge. She never had trouble telling me when she was going out on the town. I remembered watching her cut out the words and glue magnets to the back when she first moved in. Of course, a few of them were code words, but they were the ones I found on the fridge in the morning after she’d had a big night out. Savoring the heat of the cup in my palms, I went out onto the deck. As hard as I stared at my phone, his next message wasn’t coming through. Maybe he’d given up. I hunched over as my chest tightened, and sipped my tea. Couldn’t he have tried a little harder?

  My phone vibrated on the table, and I picked it up. I can see that this isn’t easy for you, but I am going to have you, all of you. And when you finally give in, I am going to own that mouth of yours, that body, and your soul. You will belong to me and only me.

  What the hell? I crossed my legs as heat poured through me. He already owned my mouth. His kiss had assured I’d never want to kiss another man again, and I could only imagine what he wanted to do to my body. Wasn’t that the reason I didn’t want to see him again? But, my soul?

  Did he want me to fall in love with him? I bit my lip. I was attracted to him in the most primitive of ways, but I had never been in love, and I didn’t plan to start now. Besides, he’d said it himself. He wasn’t the type of man who was interested in a relationship.

  I don’t do sex. I texted back and sat my phone on the table. A minute later, it rang, and I answered.

  "You don’t do sex, huh?"

  "Nope." I chewed my thumbnail.

  "Give me your address, and I’ll show you just how much you do sex, darlin’."

  "You’re kidding, right?"

  "No," he growled. "I fucking want you. You’ve had me hard all day, woman, and from the way you looked at me after I kissed you, I know you want me too."

  "I’m not having sex with you," I argued, and gave him my address anyway.

  He chuckled. "You may fight it, but deep down you know it’s only a matter of time before you give in."

  "Not going to happen." I hung up on him, and he didn’t call back.

  My cup empty, I turned off the lights and made my way back to bed in the dark. The thundering roar of a motorcycle filled the silence, and then it was gone. I released the breath I’d been holding. It wasn’t him. He wasn’t coming.

  The knock on the door startled me and I jumped. I was wrong,
he was here, and I was in more trouble than I’d ever been in before, because as much as I told him I didn’t want him, I did, and it wouldn’t be long before he broke through what control I had left. He was already too close. I opened the door, and he pushed his way inside, gathering me into his arms. His mouth held mine captive while he squeezed my ass. Sucking my bottom lip between his teeth, he pulled my mouth open so he could slip his tongue inside, and I met him tentatively as he backed me up against the wall. His demands thrilled, sending heat through me, and I pressed into him.

  Sparks shot through my skin, pooled in my belly, and soaked my panties. My breath fell heavily with each rasp of his tongue against mine, and each flex of his fingers on my ass. Winding my arms around his neck, I pushed my hips up to his and felt his hard bulge between us. I was staggered by how quickly I succumbed to him. My insides quivered and grew tight until I couldn’t breathe. He was devouring me, and it felt right in his arms, but I wasn’t ready to let him make this choice for me. Tearing my mouth from his, I squirmed in his grasp. "Let me go."

  He tensed, his hands staying on my body as he reared back to stare at me.

  "Let me go," I repeated, struggling to get out from between him and the wall. "I can’t do this."

  He let go of me, his fingers going to his temples. "Darlin’, you confuse me. I can tell you want me as much as I want you. Why the fuck won’t you admit it? What’s holding you back?"

  "Drink?" I cocked my head at him as I walked to the kitchen. "There’s beer in the fridge."

  He nodded and leaned against the wall, his arms crossed as he watched me. "You don’t drink?"

  "My roommate does." I knocked the top off the bottle and handed it to him then poured myself a cup of tea. Standing there with him staring at me, I felt small. He was waiting for me to tell him why I wouldn’t give in to what was going on between us, and my reasons, though important to me for so long, felt hollow. They were the reasoning of an insecure girl who hadn’t been able to handle the pain caused by her own bad decisions.