OnlyIfItPleases Read online

  “Is that all of it?” She didn’t want it to be all about her.

  “No.” He stared at her for a moment and then shook his head with a sharp breath and a smile that was almost a laugh. “I like having my way, and I like being in control.”

  “I like not being in control. At least, for a little while.”

  “I know.”

  “But I don’t think what you said about BDSM is really me. I mean, it’s part of it. But not the biggest part. Because—” She broke off, realizing something else, beyond what she’d started to say. She closed her eyes to think.

  She’d had boyfriends before Walt, even though they were mostly vanilla. Vanilla sex had tended to be unsatisfying for her, although not always. She’d gotten used to her partner’s pleasure being not only a priority, but probably the only outcome of a night of sex. Well, it was often pleasant enough for her, but just that, pleasant. No rockets going off and no climaxes. She’d thought something was wrong with her, but at the same time, she was happy to please.

  Once she’d discovered kink that had improved somewhat. She still often pleasured herself after her orgasmless dates, but the fantasies generated by playing helped fuel those late-night masturbation sessions, so she didn’t mind too much if her top came and she didn’t. Then again, she never spent a whole weekend with him, so she always knew that she’d be alone with her vibrator soon. Walt had made her come a few times, but often got her halfway and gave up because it was too much effort. That had been frustrating—and what was worst about it was not the lack of an orgasm but the sense that she wasn’t responsive enough. That she had failed her Dom. That she wasn’t pleasing.

  She didn’t sense any of that from Master Hart, and that put her at peace. Pleasing. That’s what I want to be, even more than I want to come.

  She opened her eyes and he was there. He hadn’t prompted her but he was still listening, waiting. She knew what she wanted to do. “May I pleasure you, Master Hart?”

  “You were about to tell me what the biggest part of BDSM was for you, and I very much want to hear it.”

  Damn. “That’s just it though. I want to be pleasing. I want to serve. Not-not because it will get me some quid pro quo and I’ll get something back. Although… that was wonderful, and I do want it again, and it was because you pushed me, and all of that. But if it was just pushing, then—no, I don’t want it. Did you get off on denying me?”

  “Yeah.” He didn’t look entirely comfortable with it, but he met her eyes.

  “Then—do it again. When it pleases you. Only if it pleases you, Master Hart. Deny me all weekend if that would please you most.” She ignored the part of her that was saying that was the stupidest thing to say ever and pushed on. “I love the fact that you are showing me how to stand, how to kneel, how to lie on my back in the way you like the best. I know we just have the weekend, but I want to be here, now and fully into what we are doing for the duration of that. That…what we just did, was the best ever, and if you want to take me there again, I’d love it, and I don’t want to take anything away from it. But what I need to be most is of service. Please.”

  It seemed out of place to say all that lying back on the pillows. He seemed to have been struck speechless for a moment. So she took a risk and moved into the kneeling position he had taught her. And then adjusted to kneel open. If he does deny me all weekend, there’s always Sunday night with my vibe.

  He stood. For a moment she thought she’d done it wrong, that he was going to scold her or slap her or worst of all, walk away. But then he fished a condom packet out of his pocket and tugged his jeans open. His cock sprang forth, magnificent, huge and above all, hard. Her heart leapt. I have been pleasing. And I’ve turned him on. She watched as he rolled the protection over his cock. She wished she could take him bare, feel his skin on her tongue, taste his essence, but she knew it wasn’t safe. The documents in her purse weighed on her mind.

  He moved forward, his cock almost at her lips. She leaned toward him, wanting to wrap her mouth around his head and slide it down his shaft. She should just go with it, but—well, it was a long shot. He played with lots of women. Obviously, he took precautions, because she knew a lot of people in the scene considered oral sex to be “safe enough”. Safe enough wasn’t safe though. Still, if he was that careful, there was a chance. “Master Hart?”

  He looked at her as if he was trying to hold back his impatience. That was satisfying. I’ve made a little crack in his self-control. “What?”

  “I’m clean. I’ve got documents in my purse to prove it, if you’d care to look. I— It doesn’t matter, unless you have the same, but—I thought I’d ask.”

  “And you wouldn’t just take my word for it?”

  “No,” she said firmly. It was hard to take that tone of voice with him, but she wanted him to know that she meant it. She supposed she shouldn’t blame him for trying, but she was disappointed.

  His lips broadened into a grin. “Good girl,” he said, with what sounded like sincere approval. “You do know that tests don’t mean a thing if you’ve had unprotected sex after the test—or even just a week before. Two weeks.”

  “I have not had unprotected sex for—a very long time. Not even oral, Master Hart.”

  “And I haven’t for long enough to make the test valid. But on that subject, we’d still have to trust each other. And get to your feet. This isn’t the sort of decision you can make as a submissive.”

  “Should I put my clothes on?” she asked with a grin.

  “If that’s what you need to be sure you’re in a sensible headspace, yes. They come off easily enough.”

  “I think—the fact that your clothes are off is actually more of a danger. But I’m good.”

  “Go get your purse then, and I’ll get my papers.”

  She got up and he went to the bedroom. They met back in the living room, where he stacked up the magazines on the coffee table and spread out the papers before her. “We will still use protection for vaginal or anal sex.”

  “Okay,” she agreed. Again with the idea of anal sex. It intrigued her, but she didn’t think there was any way he was going to get her to ask for it. She knelt, preferring the floor to the couch. She tucked her knees at the table and studied the papers closely, but her mind wandered. A lot of men would be insulted that she didn’t trust them or that she was reading every line to make sure she understood it. She knew it wasn’t particularly sexy. But there was something comforting about the fact that he didn’t rush her and that he told her she was a good girl for not just taking his word. He got it. He cared.

  He was done with her papers a minute before she was done with his, but he didn’t rush her. Nor did he correct her kneeling form, although she realized that the way he’d spread out the sheets she didn’t need to use her hands to flip pages. She put her hands behind her and read the last bit until she was satisfied that it was her head, not her heart or her libido, that was making the decision. She was sure he was clean.

  And yet the papers were dated three weeks ago. Plenty of time to get into mischief. Had he not been so insistent on using a condom at all stages before, she wouldn’t have been able to make that last leap of trust. “Thank you, Master Hart.”

  “Satisfied?”

  “Only if it pleases you.”

  “This is not a situation for that, Vanessa, and I think you know it. Yes or no?”

  “Yes.”

  “Certain?”

  “Yes.”

  “In that case, you’re about to please me very much.” He rested his fingers in her hair and then tugged. She was forced to turn around, away from the table, and she tried to move to her knees. She couldn’t maintain her position and had to use her hands for balance on the floor. His sudden roughness surprised her and delighted her. He had seemed so calm, restrained. She wanted his passion and desire.

  His cock wasn’t quite as hard as it had been, but it was most of the way there. She slid her lips over it, savoring the warm, musky, unfiltered smell of him
. Her tongue caressed the underside of his glans, memorizing every texture. She let him slip out again so that she could lick down and then up the length of him. He stiffened delightfully under her attentions. Her balance restored, she clasped her hands behind her back again.

  She remembered how he’d said no to her when she was at the brink of orgasm and had a mischievous thought. She licked again, slowly. He moaned, but it seemed he’d seen her expression. “Denial is a one-way game here, Vanessa. We’re not wired the same way. Give me your mouth.”

  As fun as teasing him was, taking direction and knowing what he wanted was even better. She opened her mouth over the head of his cock and pressed forward, savoring his essence as it widened her lips. Her hand tightened on her wrists. Part of her wanted to hold his shaft to make sure that he couldn’t go in too far. But more of her wanted to be pushed and to have him in total control.

  He put his hand on the back of her head and pulled her forward, thrusting his cock down until it tickled the back of her throat. He held it there lightly, not quite triggering her gag reflex. Unless his grip tightened, she could pull back if she needed to. She breathed him in. She’d never had any sensation quite like it. She wanted to take him in farther, but she didn’t dare. Her eyes watered, but still she held the position.

  “Good, good girl. I may be a sick fuck, but I like that.” He waited a few more seconds and then pulled back. “Now. Make me come. You can use your hands.”

  She slid forward again, taking him in as deep as she could. This time, rather than holding it, she bobbed on his cock, tightening her lips around it. She caressed his balls lightly with her left hand, memorizing the way they felt. Her right closed around the base of his shaft, pumping him. She wanted to take more of him in than she could with her hand there, however, so she curled the ring and pinky finger back. She wanted to feel him at the back of her throat again. Especially because he liked it, but it wasn’t just that he’d said that. She wanted him to know she was giving it her all.

  “You want to please me.” It didn’t seem to be a question. Maybe he was telling her or maybe he was just marveling at it. She bobbed on his cock in what she hoped he’d recognize as agreement. He shifted his feet, changing the angle of his cock, and pushed forward, challenging her to take more. To her surprise, she could and did, hungrily.

  “You’re going to swallow everything.”

  She’d tried once, long ago, and ended up pulling back at the taste. But it definitely wasn’t a question. He was telling her. And she wanted badly to do her best. So she nodded again, wanting his pleasure. She felt his hands tighten on her head. His cock swelled inside her mouth. He was close.

  “Now.” A second later, he came, spurting warm liquid forcefully down her throat. She swallowed as fast as she could. She could barely taste it, he was coming so deeply inside. As if he knew it, he pulled back a little, the next spurt landing on her tongue, salty and intense. She savored the taste of him, wanting every drop. She squeezed with her fingers, milking him out and swallowing it down. She relished the burn in the back of her throat. It was like he said, she enjoyed being pushed, but not just for her own pleasure.

  He stopped, panting heavily. She looked up at him. His eyes were open wide, his jaw slack. Until he saw her looking, anyway. Then he smiled down at her and ruffled her hair. “Good girl.” He held himself there for a moment until he’d caught his breath. Even through his calm, controlled demeanor, that didn’t lie. She’d gotten to him. She didn’t have any notions she was the best cocksucker in the world but she hoped she’d given him something to remember. Maybe even a memory to jerk off to.

  She also wanted to do it again. Well, there’s more of the weekend. Maybe I will.

  He pulled back, letting his spent cock slip out of her mouth. She clasped her hands behind her back. “Thank you, Master Hart, for letting me taste you.” It seemed like the natural thing to do, as if she’d been doing it all her life, and doing it gave her a feeling of contentment. His training is taking.

  “My pleasure,” he said with feeling.

  She looked up at him for a long minute. With every little gesture, every way he taught her to behave, she was becoming more his. And yet she wasn’t his, not really. It was both all that she wanted and intensely painful. But any lingering doubt that submission was just a passing phase for her had vanished. This is me.

  Suddenly he crouched down and kissed her deeply, his tongue plundering her mouth. She responded hungrily, amazed that he would be willing to taste himself on her. Their tongues swirled together so long she started to feel short of breath, but she didn’t mind. She was floating.

  When he pulled back and straightened she felt bereft.

  “You’re definitely going to be my demo bottom tonight,” he told her.

  She suppressed a shiver. She wasn’t sure what scared her more, the idea of predicament bondage or the idea of people watching her while he demonstrated. Would she be allowed clothes?

  “And we need to get some clothes for you, for tomorrow.”

  That didn’t sound promising. “Not for tonight? I don’t want to wear the same dress I wore—I mean, maybe it’s vain, but I’d really rather not.”

  He smiled. “The simple solution is for you simply to wear no clothes at all.”

  She bit her lip. “I don’t even know where we’re going.”

  “It’s at a friend’s house. A small gathering, maybe a bit over a dozen people. It’s a shame, really. We had three times that many that wanted to come but we just didn’t have room.”

  She frowned. That did seem a shame. “Why not do it at the Devil’s Workshop?”

  “Because when the club’s a dance club, they sell a lot more alcohol. That’s when the club owners make their money. Frankly, I don’t think even the Friday night party is going to go on much longer. It’s just a matter of time before they want to have something more profitable going on. There’s talk of moving it to Thursdays, but a lot of people won’t come out to play on Thursday night.” He shrugged.

  “Still, to have someplace like that where everyone comes out to play at all is pretty amazing.” She remembered the first time she’d gone. She’d been amazed at what people did in public—some things she hadn’t even imagined or encountered in books. She didn’t think she had much exhibitionist in her, nor did she consider herself a voyeur, but the simple fact that people were being open about BDSM had made her feel more at peace with her own kinky side.

  He nodded. She got the feeling there was something he wasn’t saying. He reached out, clearly wanting her hand. She gave it to him, surprised for a moment that he hadn’t ordered her out of the position, and then realizing he hadn’t ordered her into it either. It had just been the way she felt she belonged. It had seemed right.

  He pulled her up. “Shower and then we’ll go.”

  Dismissed. She’d felt as though they were getting close for a moment, and now it seemed as if there were a barrier. Of course there’s a barrier. He’s a Dom, not a boyfriend. He gives the orders and you obey. But she could still taste him and her lips were sore from his kiss. “Only if it pleases you, Master Hart.” She turned and headed toward the bathroom. A shower would feel good, and maybe it would clear her mind. She needed that, before she got addicted to his passionate, claiming kisses.

  She’d gotten three steps when he said, “There’s a brand-new razor still in the package on the shower ledge. I want your pussy shaved completely. Have you ever done that before?”

  She stopped and turned around. She wanted to keep walking, but she thought she might get in trouble for just tossing an answer over her shoulder. She had a very skimpy bikini in college that she’d shaved herself for before chickening out on wearing it, but even then she’d left a patch. “No, Master Hart.”

  “If you’re uncomfortable doing it, I can do it for you.”

  The thought of his hands on her again made her shiver. Could she willingly spread her legs for someone with a sharp implement in his hands? But having seen him with the s
ingle tail, she knew his hands were steady. The problem was, that would be even more intimate. A few minutes ago she would have said yes. Now he felt distant, his words cold and businesslike. She needed to be distant too, or her heart would be in danger. She shook her head. “I’ll handle it.”

  She fled to the shower.

  Chapter Six

  Hart watched her go, hypnotized by the unexaggerated sway of her ass. He could hear the frost in her voice and he didn’t blame her. He knew he’d invited it by his tone. He was trying to put things back on a sound basis.

  It had been a long time since he’d let himself come in a woman’s mouth. He’d forgotten how intense the pleasure was, both physical and psychological. The tug of Vanessa’s lips, the pressing of her tongue—they were exquisite. The knowledge that she was tasting his essence was even better. He’d want more before the weekend was over. But the kiss afterward—well, that had been impetuous. Exchanging orgasms was less intimate, in a way. His guard was coming down, and that wasn’t good. Not for him, not for Vanessa. He was supposed to be training the little sub, not falling for her.

  He’d almost told her about his plans for the club, but he wanted to play it close to the vest until he had the paperwork finalized. He didn’t think Vanessa would gossip if he asked her not to, but word would travel fast in the fetish community. He didn’t want to get people’s hopes up. He didn’t want to be inundated with offers to help either. He had a few ideas of who he wanted to serve as dungeon monitors and who might be useful. Chuck, his oldest friend in the scene and a tough Dom no one messed with. Karl, who knew more about bondage furniture than anyone he’d ever met. Jannah, who always seemed to remember everyone’s name. Garrett, who knew how to make every drink ever made and who had a knack for listening without offering unwanted advice. If he could get them, they would be the core people. Jannah and Garrett should be the next to know. Only Chuck and Karl had any inkling of what he was planning. All of them identified as Dominants though. He could use a sub’s perspective.