A. Zavarelli - Stutter (Bleeding Hearts Book 2) Read online

  Nicole was right. Babies needed a lot of stuff.

  It was hard to tell what was actually necessary, and what wasn’t. But Nicole had no problem throwing whatever she thought might be slightly useful into our shopping cart.

  “Have you thought of a theme yet?” she asked, staring at some different wallpaper trims in bright colors.

  “No.” I shook my head. “I wanted to wait and see what I’m having first.”

  She pouted. “That isn’t until next week, maybe. If they can tell.”

  Next week. God, that was surreal. I couldn’t believe how fast it had gone. I wondered if Ryland would want to know. We hadn’t even discussed it. We hadn’t discussed much of anything since I’d moved back two weeks ago.

  Every day, he sent me exactly one text to check in with me and see how I was doing. He told me if I needed anything at all, I was to contact him right away. But I hadn’t thought of anything that sounded like a good enough reason to bother him.

  It hurt, because as much as I loved Nicole, I wanted Ryland to be the one to do these things with me. It was silly and unrealistic, but suddenly my shopping trip didn’t seem all that fun anymore.

  “Maybe we could just do something yellow,” Nicole continued.

  “I’m really tired,” I blurted. “I think I’m all shopped out for one day.”

  “Really?” she asked.

  I nodded.

  “Okay, I’m sorry Brighton. You’re right, we still have plenty of time. Let’s go home and you can take a nap.”

  ***

  I spent the entire weekend sewing while Nicole moped around the apartment and scrubbed every surface she could find. She was full of anxious energy again, and I didn’t know what had been going on with her.

  I thought maybe she was nervous about looking for a new job, but it could also be because her and Matt still weren’t speaking. It was a subject I wanted to revisit, and tonight, I had every intention of doing just that.

  I’d gone to her favorite bakery and bought her a dozen cupcakes, fully intending to do nothing but binge on sugar and make her pour her heart out. But when she breezed into the apartment looking relaxed and happy, I was a little surprised. She set to work, laying out a truck load of takeout food on the counter.

  “I ordered just about everything on the menu,” she stated. “So help yourself to whatever you want.”

  She wasn’t making eye contact with me, and I knew something was up.

  “Nicole?”

  “Yeah?” she asked absently, bending down to look through the cupboard as though she had lost something.

  I walked around the counter and shut the cupboard, forcing her to look up at me as I crossed my arms.

  “What’s going on?”

  “What do you mean?” she blinked.

  Now that I was closer, I could see that her eyes were swollen and puffy, but she had a smile on her face that was the polar opposite.

  “Nicole… I can see you’ve been crying,” I said carefully. “Tell me what’s going on.”

  “Sheesh, I can’t get anything past you,” she muttered as she stood up and leaned against the counter.

  “Blame it on the men in my life,” I retorted.

  “I planned to tell you all of this after dinner,” she said. “But I met Ryland for coffee today.”

  “You did?”

  That familiar space in my chest hollowed a little more at the thought of him. I’d been doing so good at keeping him off my mind, but the simple mention of his name was enough to almost topple my resolve again.

  “He’s been messaging me for a while about it,” she said. “And I decided to go see what he wanted. Despite everything that’s happened, he’s still like a brother to me…”

  “You don’t have to justify why you went,” I assured her. “I know you care about him, Nicole. I want you two to be friends, nothing would make me happier.”

  “Well honestly, I was pretty much expecting the entire conversation to be about you,” she said. “I thought he was going to try to get me to talk to you or something. But it wasn’t about that at all.”

  “What was it about?” I asked curiously.

  “It was about Jackson.” She leaned against the counter and stared off into the distance for a moment. “Ryland told me that it was time for me to live my life. To be happy.”

  Warmth filled my heart when I realized what she was saying. Ryland had finally absolved her of her guilt over moving on.

  “That’s really amazing, Nicole.” I smiled for her. “You deserve it.”

  “That isn’t all.” She rifled through her purse and pulled out a check. “He gave me this too.”

  I stared at the check addressed to Nicole with more zeros than I could count, trying to understand what it meant.

  “He sold the house on Belvedere Island,” she explained. “And he said that Jackson would have wanted me to have the money.”

  “He sold it?” I repeated, tears brimming my eyes. “But… that was where he grew up. It was the only thing he had left…”

  “That’s what I said.” Nicole shrugged. “But Ryland said it wasn’t home anymore. That without his family, it doesn’t feel right, and it never will.”

  Shock resonated through my entire body at his decision. I could only imagine how difficult that must have been for him, and I wondered how he was handling it.

  “Did he…” I cleared my throat and tried to wash away my emotion. “Did he look okay?”

  “He looked… different,” she answered.

  “Different, how?”

  “I don’t know, he seemed kind of… defeated.”

  “Oh.”

  “He asked me to give you something too.” She pulled another envelope from her purse.

  I took it between my shaky hands and tore off the seal, hoping it was a letter. Some kind of communication from him other than a text. I hoped he was getting better and that his anger really was gone. But did that mean he was moving on from me too?

  I was disappointed when I shook out the contents and found another check. It was for twenty million dollars, and it was addressed to Sophia’s Shoes. My legs wobbled a bit, and I had to grip the counter to keep from falling over as I read through the paperwork.

  It was a donation to the charity which stipulated that 50% of the monies would be deposited into my own personal account in order for me to run the foundation full time.

  Nicole peeked over my shoulder and gasped as she saw the amount.

  “Oh my God,” she whispered. “That’s…”

  “Crazy?” I finished for her, setting the check down on the counter. “I can’t accept that.”

  “Why not?” she asked. “It’s for the foundation. He obviously wants you to run it. And he probably wants you to feel like you have a steady income, Brighton. You’re having a baby.”

  “Do you think that’s why?” I blinked up at her. “He’s paying me off?”

  “What?” Her eyes widened. “Of course not. Where would you get that idea?”

  I didn’t get to answer because there was a knock at the door. Nicole almost looked embarrassed as she moved to open it.

  “I hope you don’t mind, but I invited Matt.”

  I smiled at the blush on her cheeks. “Of course not.”

  “Hey, Brighton.” He gave me a hug as he sauntered inside. “Nice to see you again. I can see the baby’s getting bigger.”

  “It is.” I smiled and patted my bump.

  “Well, I don’t know about you ladies, but I’m starving.”

  “C’mon, grab a plate,” Nicole urged. “You’re eating for two now.”

  ***

  We were sitting on the sofa watching TV, and I couldn’t help but notice that Matt and Nicole were getting closer and closer as the evening went on.

  He’d wrapped his arm around her twenty minutes ago, and now they were even holding hands. It was the most adorable thing I’d ever seen, but at the same time, it was making the emptiness in my chest ache.

  I was abou
t to excuse myself to bed when the doorbell rang again, and I shot Nicole a questioning glance. “Are you expecting anyone else tonight?”

  “No.” She frowned.

  I padded towards the door and looked through the keyhole, glimpsing a woman dressed in a nurse’s uniform.

  I opened the door a crack and returned her cheerful smile. “Can I help you?”

  “Are you Miss Valentine?” she asked.

  “Uh… yeah?”

  “My name is Emma Charles. I’m here to be your nurse.” She said it in a way that I’m sure sounded perfectly reasonable, but I just stared at her in confusion.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Do you mind if I come in?” she gestured towards the apartment. “Mr. Bennett sent me.”

  “Okay, sure. Sorry.”

  She came in with a medical bag and took a seat as she started to explain. Matt and Nicole joined me in the kitchen and listened in.

  “Mr. Bennett has hired me to be your round the clock nurse and baby consultant. I’m here to help you with whatever you need, whether it’s assisting with meal preparation, cleaning, or any medical emergencies that should arise.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I protested.

  “I’m really not.” She frowned. “I’m highly qualified for this job, Miss Valentine. If you’d like me to provide credentials…”

  “I’m sure that you are,” I said apologetically. “But the thing is, I don’t need a nurse or a consultant.”

  “But I’ve already been paid,” she argued. “A lot of money. Mr. Bennett wants to ensure you and his baby have the very best care. I’m here to help you.”

  She said it as though I didn’t understand what her role was, but it was perfectly clear. Ryland had hired someone to wait on me hand and foot. Again, another gesture that I’m sure seemed perfectly logical to him.

  I decided to try for another tactic, one that wouldn’t hurt her feelings.

  “Look, I really appreciate your offer of services. But as you can see, the apartment is already quite full, and there’s really not room…”

  “I can sleep anywhere,” she volunteered. “A sofa will do. And once Mr. Bennett has finished up the arrangements for the new apartment, I’ll have my own room…”

  New apartment? I glanced at Nicole and she shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe it’s not such a bad idea,” she said. “You could use a little help, Brighton. You’ve been really busy with the charity stuff lately, and you look tired all the time.”

  “Really, Nicole?” I squeaked.

  Matt chuckled and pulled her against his side. “If you aren’t happy with the arrangement, Brighton, maybe you should take it up with Ryland?”

  “Oh he’d like that, wouldn’t he?” I grumbled.

  The poor nurse looked like she had no idea what she’d gotten herself into.

  “Why don’t you relax and dish yourself up a plate of food,” I told her. “I’m going to speak to Mr. Bennett myself.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Brighton

  I fully expected to hold onto my anger and give Ryland a piece of my mind when I stormed into his apartment. But as I walked through each room, I came up empty.

  I padded back through the living room, wondering if he could still possibly be at work. It was late though, and I doubted I’d be able to get into the building. Then another thought occurred to me. One that had been bouncing around in my head for a while.

  I wondered if he’d found someone else since he’d given up on me. If he was out with her at that very moment. My heart stuttered and my stomach churned.

  No, he wouldn’t do that. Ryland always told me he’d waited five years for me. There was no way he could just move on so quickly. But as fast as he’d gone cold, I really didn’t know where his feelings were at. Just when I thought about giving up and walking out the door, something out on the balcony caught my eye.

  I turned around and examined his profile in the moonlight as he stared out at the skyline. All of my irritation deflated when I saw him sitting there in the cold, looking more lost and alone than I’d ever seen him. I drew closer to him, unable to keep my head and heart from wanting the same thing. I pushed open the glass door, but he didn’t hear me. His skin looked ice cold, and his eyes were empty.

  “Ryland?”

  He turned at the sound of my voice, and something flared to life in his eyes as his gaze travelled over my face. He took a step closer on instinct, but then stopped short.

  “Brighton? Are you okay?”

  His eyes travelled down to my belly as I nodded, and he stuffed his hands into his pockets in an effort to control himself. I could tell he wanted to touch me, and honestly, I wanted him to touch me too. We were so close, but so far away.

  “The nurse…” I stammered.

  “Please.” He took another step. “Just give me this one concession. That’s all I’m asking.”

  I shook my head. “It isn’t what I want.”

  He rubbed the back of his neck and blew out a breath. He was heartbroken, but he didn’t understand. I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t find the words. My pride and my heart were at war, and things with Ryland were never like this before. He usually took whatever it was he wanted, without question. And that included me.

  But now there were so many different emotions between us. Emotions I didn’t even know how to deal with. This man before me was not the same man who’d blackmailed me ten months ago. He was not the same man who’d tried to kill my brother, or who had funded Norma’s addictions. This man was a broken, empty shell… and it was breaking me to see him this way. But he still wouldn’t let go of his anger over me hiding this from him. He seemed to be in the habit of taking his pain and twisting it into anger. And I didn’t know how to get through to him.

  “Nicole said you’ve been tired,” he remarked. “I’m just trying to help, Brighton. In the only way that I can.”

  It wasn’t the only way he could help, but again I was too proud to admit that.

  “The nurse said something about a new apartment?” I asked. “What was she talking about?”

  “That apartment isn’t going to work,” he said. “I think we both know that. I have a couple other places I’m looking into. I was going to text you and ask if you’d come look at them with me tomorrow.”

  The way he said it was so business-like again, I hated it. But I nodded anyway.

  “Please just give Emma a chance,” he continued. “Let her take some of your stress away, Brighton. It isn’t good for the baby.”

  I frowned, because I knew he was right. And when he put it that way, it sounded selfish of me not to take him up on it. Most women would probably kill to have what he was offering while they were pregnant.

  “Okay,” I agreed. “I’ll give her a chance.”

  “Thank you.”

  Silence fell between us, and it was awkward. Things had never been this way before. I didn’t know what to say or how to act anymore. So I turned to go.

  “I’ve been doing some reading,” Ryland said. “I think you’re supposed to start feeling some movement soon.”

  I nodded, because I’d read the same thing in my baby book.

  “Have you?” he asked. He looked worried, like he was missing out on something.

  “Not yet.” I smiled. “But I’ll tell you when I do, I promise.”

  “Okay,” he agreed. “And I made you an appointment for next week to have an ultrasound, so we can go together. I think you’re due for one.”

  I bit my lip and nodded. No way was I going to tell him that I already had an appointment in my old neighborhood. Besides, I wanted him to be there with me.

  “Thank you.”

  He cleared his throat and tore his eyes away. “Anyway, it’s late. So I guess you should probably get some rest.”

  “Yeah.”

  I walked towards the door solemnly.

  “I’ll have Ted pick you up at noon tomorrow.”

  “Okay, Ryland.”

  “Go
odnight, Brighton.”

  “Goodnight.”

  ***

  “So?” Ryland arched a brow at me expectantly as my eyes wandered over the apartment once more.

  It was a luxury loft that took up the entire top floor of an apartment building. Complete with a bay view and all the comforts that anyone could ever want. And the real kicker? It had been divided into two living spaces. There was very little in the way of privacy, with only a sliding partition that extended between the lounge areas. Ryland had calmly explained that he would have one side, and I’d have the other.

  “You want to raise our baby here?” I clarified. “In this sterile apartment?”

  He looked miffed, but I didn’t care. Technically there was nothing wrong with the apartment, but the realization that he was committing to us being separated for the next eighteen years upset me. I knew it was ridiculous. This was what I told him I wanted. And now I was completely contradicting that. I wanted to blame it on the hormones, but I couldn’t even do that.

  “What’s wrong with this one, Brighton?”

  There was an edge of frustration to his voice, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to be here another moment.

  “You can’t possibly think this would work,” I fumed. “What’s going to happen when you start dating again Ryland? You’re just going to bring your girlfriend back to the apartment while I’m sitting in the next room with your baby.”

  He tore his eyes away from me and stared out the window. “It would never be like that.”

  “You say that now,” I continued. “But you can’t possibly know that. You’re not going to be single forever.”

  I didn’t know why I was pushing this. I was making myself crazy, but I wanted to hear his response. To see if the final nail had already been wedged into our coffin. If we were really over.

  Ryland didn’t answer, and that was answer enough.

  “What do you want from me?” he asked. “I’m trying to do the right thing here.”

  “I don’t want anything,” I said weakly. “I just want to go home. I’m tired.”

  It was a lie, but I knew Ryland wouldn’t argue me on this point. Unfair? Yes. But I needed to get out of this apartment and everything it represented.