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  And he sighs, hanging his head.

  "Damn, baby. How the fuck do you think this makes me feel right now? I just...I can't get there, you know how it is when I smoke. Shit." He pulls out of me and lays beside me, turning me onto my side to face him. "I wanna watch you cum so bad...I wanna make you say my name. Tell me what you want." And he's pressing into me again, still half-hard against my thigh, his hand creeping between my legs.

  Well, I wanted you to fuck me...

  Of course I wouldn't say that shit right now. I know that'll start a fight quicker than I can get the words out.

  I sigh softly when I feel the pad of his thumb brush against my clit, and I instinctively draw my leg across his hip, opening myself up to him more, pressing my forehead against his.

  "You want that?" he breathes against my lips as he rolls his thumb across my clit, pressing harder, sliding his index finger back against my slit. "You want these fingers in your pussy?"

  And I nod slightly, mouth agape, and he presses into me with a second finger.

  "I want you to cum for me," he whispers. "I want you dripping on my sheets."

  He probes me with his fingers and I close my eyes as pleasure waves wash over me, and God, his mouth is so dirty. I love when he talks dirty to me with that mouth...I just wanna fuck it.

  I reach down and seize his wrist with my hand, fingers digging in slightly, and I lower my eyes at him. He grins slowly, "That's not what you want now? You change your mind?"

  But I can't speak. God, I just want that mouth...

  His fingers pull out of me and he wraps his arms around me, bringing his face so close to mine, his lips barely touch mine as he whispers, "Well what do you want then? You want this mouth on that pussy? You want me to lick that little snatch?"

  He licks his lips after he says it and that simple action paired with those words almost sends me into an orgasm right there. He brings his open mouth to mine, pushing his tongue past my teeth slowly, lapping at the inside of my mouth with his tongue, sucking on my lips as he pulls away.

  Yes, that's exactly what I want...

  I nod slowly, and he smirks, blinking, eyes still bloodshot, eyelids still heavy with intoxication.

  "Well you better come sit on my face then."

  I hold my breath when he says it. He rolls onto his back, taking me over with him.

  "You better come sit on my face so I can eat that pussy up just like you want me to."

  I bite my lip and my stomach quivers a little as I sit up on him, pushing against his chest for leverage. He tucks his hands behind my knees and pulls me up while he wiggles his body down the bed underneath me.

  His facial hair tickles my skin slightly as he kisses my inner thighs and he hooks his arms around behind my legs, gripping my hips with his strong hands. I lean my weight forward above his head against the mattress onto straight arms, and he slowly pulls me down, pressing my aching center to his mouth, coating his lips with my fluids.

  I moan loud as soon as his lips touch mine, and he's kissing me, just like he kissed my mouth, sucking on my lips slowly, his tongue lapping at my slit. He snakes his fingers inside my legs to open me up wider and his tongue ventures inside, smooth and wide against my soaked folds.

  He makes long strokes with his tongue, letting the tip flick gently over my clit, making me jump slightly and gasp. He smiles against me when I do it, laughing a little, and his breath is warm and tickles against my skin. He hums quietly against me, "Baby, this pussy tastes so good."

  I moan softly and look down at his face to see him looking up at me, those crystal blue eyes almost hidden under his heavy lids, the rest of his face covered by my body. He sneaks a wink at me before he goes back in with his tongue, licking a little quicker this time, and he closes his lips against my wet heat, sucking slightly, making a soft smacking sound when he pulls away.

  "Oh my God..."

  I groan in appreciation, panting heavily. He turns his attention to my clit, flattening his tongue against it and then pressing hard with just the tip, making slow circles around it and I gasp his name, fisting the sheets in my hands as he closes his lips around the sensitive nub, sucking lightly.

  I rock my hips against him when I feel one hand slip away from my hip and his fingers, God those fingers, are pushing inside of me again, his tongue still busy on my clit.

  I reach up and grab the headboard with one hand, throwing my head back as his fingers fuck me faster and he licks at my clit with that warm, wet tongue, sensation swarming my body and pulling me under.

  "Lex...oh fuck." I sit up completely, grabbing the headboard with my other hand and squeezing until my knuckles are white, my mouth agape and my breathing labored.

  He works at a torturous pace, his fingers are fast and deep but his tongue is slow and teasing, bringing me to the edge and letting me fall back over and over, and it builds and builds.

  Every muscle in my body tenses as he brings me to the edge one last time, one hand holding my hip strong. He curves his fingers deep inside of me and closes his lips around my clit. That's all it takes, and I surge over the edge as my orgasm wracks my body and I shut my eyes tight, calling out his name, and God's name, cursing and panting as I ride the wave over and over until I'm spent.

  I fall down against the mattress onto my hands again and my arms can barely hold me long enough for him to inch back up under my body before I collapse against his chest.

  He grins, pushing a few damp strands of hair back from my forehead. "Girl...if you tell anybody I did that..." he trails and I laugh softly.

  I groan as he slides out from under me, leaving the bed quickly. "Where are you going?" I call after him, turning onto my back.

  He reappears in the doorway before too long, approaching the bed again with swift strides, grinning as he flicks the small baggie in his fingers. "I let you sit on my face, now you get to blow me," he winks, flashing the bit of coke in front of my eyes as he stands beside the bed. I giggle as I start to push myself up into a sitting position, but he puts a hand on my chest, laying me back down. "Nope, this one's on you," he grins.

  Heat flushes my body and I bite my lip to suppress a moan. He hasn't done this in forever. I don't know why it makes me so hot, but I'm tingling in anticipation as he pulls me over parallel to the edge of the bed and empties the contents of the tiny baggie onto my stomach right below my navel, just enough powder for two small lines.

  Light glints off of the razor blade as he waves it teasingly before using it to gently cut the pile into two small lines, pushing it flatly across my skin, making goosebumps rise on my whole fucking body. I hold my breath, peering down to watch, stomach tightening just a bit.

  "Don't cut me," I sigh and he grins up at me, wetting his bottom lip with the tip of his tongue and I'm stifling another fucking moan.

  God, how does he know how to get me so hot?

  He pulls the blade away for a moment and he leans his weight onto his free hand, bringing his face close to mine, licking those sexy fucking lips again.

  "C'mon, Leala...you know I wouldn't hurt you," he whispers, mouth hovering over mine at a teasing distance, lips almost touching mine as he speaks.

  He pulls back right as I reach my lips up for his and I sink my head back into the pillow, groaning in frustration as he chuckles softly, the wetness between my thighs taunting me. He knows exactly what he's doing to me.

  He tosses the blade onto the nightstand and picks up the short straw between his fingers, placing his other hand on my stomach just beneath my breasts to steady himself as he leans over me. He takes the lines quickly, goosebumps rising in the wake of the straw running teasingly over my skin. He exhales a satisfied sigh before grinning at me, biting at his bottom lip, a flash of mischief in his eyes.

  Now the real fun starts.

  Chapter Ten

  I sigh nervously when I hear the knock at my door. She had called me earlier that morning and said she wanted to talk. I didn't miss a stitch of the disappointment in her voice when she heard L
ex in the background, groaning and mumbling into my neck, me trying to push down a sigh of pleasure as he disappeared beneath the covers to distract me from the phone call. I finally had to roll out of bed in order to keep my mind completely coherent. I can't bullshit around with her, she knows the real me. The me that existed in some alternate universe before I got swept up into this clusterfuck of a life.

  She's my sister after all; she should know me better than anyone.

  Of course I fucking panicked and left Lex's house without so much as a kiss goodbye when she said she was coming to my apartment. I had to get home and clean, try to disguise the fact that my life has been almost completely in shambles for the last five years. I need her to think that I'm fine on my own, that leaving home for this wasn't the biggest mistake that I've ever made...

  But maybe I'm trying to convince myself just as much as her.

  I open the door after a second impatient knock. She's always been the one with the tight temper out of the two of us. In fact, we're pretty much complete opposites, and I see that this still hasn't changed a bit when I look into her face. God, it's been so long.

  "Hi." She looks a little shocked. I'm not sure what she was expecting.

  "Hey." My response is more like a hoarse whisper, all of the strength in my voice suddenly sucked into a vortex of harsh reality staring me in the face.

  She brushes past me and into the living room, surveying the small space immediately, thoroughly, and I sigh. What a greeting.

  "Up to snuff?" I deadpan, and she throws me a look over her shoulder before sinking down into the overstuffed chair next to my couch. I sit on the couch slowly, cautiously, not throwing my weight around like I usually would, crossing my legs properly and trying to sit up straighter than normal. I inhale deeply before blowing it out.

  I stare into her face. We've never looked very much alike, but I can see just enough of my face in hers to make my stomach turn. She's my sister, I can never deny that.

  Her dark brown hair falls around her round face in long curls, contrasting harshly against her pastel skin, whitish but glowing and radiant, pinker at the cheeks, healthy and alive beneath her dark blue eyes. My complete and utter opposite. People never mistook us for sisters, me with my dirty blonde hair, board straight and reaching just below my shoulders, wide bangs sweeping across my forehead above my bright green eyes, green like a crayola crayon, surrounded by tanned skin stretched tight over my harsh bone structure. But we have the same nose and eyes, and sometimes when she smiles just right, I see myself right there in her face.

  "You look terrible." She's never been one to beat around the bush. My posture slumps a bit.

  "Well...it's kinda hard to look your best when you feel your worst," I mutter, my face expressionless. This is not going to be a great conversation.

  "Seriously, Leala. You look like you haven't slept in days. And I've never seen you this thin before." She looks me over, shaking her head and I tense under her gaze. As the younger sister, I always sought her approval growing up, and I physically have to force down my feelings of failure as I sit before her.

  "Oh cocaine...it's a blessing and a curse," I muse sarcastically trying desperately to drown the negative energy in the room, rolling my eyes a bit. She scoffs at me, twisting her face in disgust.

  "You know, I'm glad your life is such a big joke to you now," she laughs in disbelief.

  "What the hell Aimee, how can you expect me to take myself seriously...I mean really."

  "How can you expect anyone else to, then?" She raises an eyebrows at me smartly, awaiting my response.

  My tongue plays along the inside of my mouth as I contemplate, trying to think up something smartass to say to her, but I finally just give up with a sigh of defeat. "I guess I don't."

  "That's sad...you were always so gifted," she sighs, her gaze floating off somewhere over my shoulder as she sits back in her chair a bit, crossing her arms.

  I narrow my eyes at her, spitting out my words harshly. "No, I was a fucking people-pleaser! There's a big difference!"

  She snaps her head back directly to mine when I say it, waiting a beat before responding coolly, "So are you happy now? Is that what this is about...making you happy? You know, you were never selfish, but I can't imagine you doing this for anyone else but yourself."

  "Maybe this was about me...so what?" My voice is taut, my eyes fixed on hers harshly.

  "Well I hope you're fucking happy. I'm sorry lifestyles of the rich and famous, and having everything you wanted, and being everything to everyone wasn't enough for you! I guess if you're happy it doesn't matter how many people are heartbroken then, right? Because while you're running around on the streets all happy and shit, mom and dad are still miserable and mourning the loss of their daughter, even after five years."

  "Well I guess you can just take the crown as the favorite now. I know it's what you always wanted," I say it curtly, maybe just to hurt her. I know she's hurting me...and I'm not even sure if she's trying to.

  She retorts immediately, dryly, without a second thought. "No, I always wanted to be proud of you, and now I'm just fucking disappointed."

  Damn. I pause a moment to pull the proverbial dagger from my heart.

  "Forgive me for not living up to your expectations..." I reply softly, lowering my eyes a bit.

  She doesn't miss a beat. "More like completely losing every shred of dignity and self-respect you ever had."

  Fuck. This isn't going to be a drawn-out battle...she's punching for the KO.

  "What the fuck do you know about it?" A defensive tone rises in my voice.

  "Well I know you run around on the streets, hole up in a house bought solely with drug money...and you're with Lex now. I'm sure that's a relationship that's really just soul-filling, isn't it?" she gushes, her words dripping in sarcasm, and I snap.

  "You don't know shit about him!" I lean forward, almost rushing at her. It's one thing to sit here and belittle me, but she doesn't have to bring Lex into this.

  "I know he's a loserheaded nowhere fast. His family is ashamed of him. And he fucked your life three ways from Sunday, Leala. That's all I really need to know to form a pretty accurate opinion of him, I'm sure."

  I'm silent for a moment, taking in what she said, trying to bottle my rage. Even though I know Lex isn't perfect, I'm still so goddamn defensive when it comes to him.

  "This isn't his fault, I chose this," I grind the words out, clenching my fists.

  "Well, he sure isn't helping you get out of it anytime soon, is he? You're digging your own grave, and he's letting you borrow his shovel." She can see my emotions crawling all over me as she spits her insults in my face, almost smiling sinisterly.

  "You don't know him!" I finally explode, gripping the edge of the sofa to keep from lunging across the room.

  "I don't have to, and I sure as hell don't want to. Why would I want to have anything to do with a man who's ruining my sister's life? Hell, he's not even a man...a real man would never do this to you," she scoffs, disgust blanketing her face.

  "How many times do I have to say it Aimee?! You don't know anything about Lex or my relationship with him!"

  "Relationship!? You call it a relationship?" She pushes out a laugh in disbelief, flipping her dark hair over her shoulder before her face hardens again. "How many times have you shared needles with him, Leala? How many times have you had unprotected sex with him? How many times has he gotten you stuck in the middle of a big fucking mess that had nothing to do with you? He's bad news! If he cared about you, he would leave you alone."

  I pause, letting her words sink in. It would be a much less bitter pill to swallow if I couldn't hear the truth in them. "I could never leave him...you just don't get it," I finally answer painfully.

  "No, I don't. And I'm not sure you really do, either," she tosses her words away, pushing herself up quickly from the chair and pacing toward the door.

  "So that's it? You came to give me a lecture and hit the road?" I rise from my own seat, fo
llowing her.

  She turns to me in the doorway, hand on the knob. "I came thinking I could talk some sense into you...but you're too far gone. This didn't do either of us a bit of good."

  "I'm not gone! You don't even know me anymore." I furrow my brow.

  "No I don't, I think that's the saddest part of all," she replies flatly, jerking the door open and stepping outside.

  "I want to get clean...I do."

  She stops when she hears the words, strangled in my throat. She turns to face me, arms crosses defiantly, lips pursed.

  I sigh, leaning against the door jamb. "Aimee...I really do."

  "I don't see how you can expect me to believe that." She shakes her head, eyebrows raising in skepticism.

  "Because you're my sister...and you're supposed to love your family no matter what," I groan, pleading. I need her to tell me something, anything to make up my mind for me. I have to get clean. Give me a reason, my eyes ask her.

  "And that same obligation doesn't fall onto your pretty little shoulders?" she sneers. "You know mom and dad would pay for rehab if you'd just go. They'd put you in there tonight." She nods for emphasis, and my stomach burns and knots at the mention of my parents. I don't need them bailing me out of this mess.

  "I know...I just...I have to think about it." I pause, but I really don't have to think. I don't want to think. My posture straightens, and I look at her with a sudden confidence. "I can do it on my own, you know."

  "No, cause if you were gonna do that, you would've done it. You're not stupid, Leala. Something...or someone...is holding you back," she says it so matter-of-factly. How can she possibly still know me so well after all of these years we've spent apart?

  But I know instantly who she's referring to...

  And I also know she's right.

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  I push the front door open without even knocking. I'm angry and confused and just upset at everything that took place during the talk with my sister.