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  "Because I love you, stupid." Trish's teeth flashed white in her honey brown face.

  Trish had never steered her wrong yet, Nina thought with a rush of affection for her friend. She still marveled that two such opposite characters such as she and Trish could become such steadfast friends. From the very beginning they had gravitated toward each other, naturally fitting together like two sides of a coin. One side raunchy, colorful and flamboyant. The other side pure white bread suburbia.

  "I love you too, my friend. Now what are you having? I'd like me some bowtie pasta."

  Later in the day Joseph wondered again if Nina was trying blow him off when they said goodbye that morning. Had they been in the same room together? Last night was great and he wanted more. He became aroused every time some portion of the night before crept into his mind, which made it hard for him to keep in character on the set. Nina’s creamy skin and her soft sweet lips popped up in the middle of his lines. By the time he left at six thirty he was on fire to see her.

  He ordered the Moroccan-style grilled chicken dinner from room service and at eight o’clock dialed Nina’s number from his cell phone. The answering machine clicked on and he hung up without leaving a message. An hour later he tried her number again, and again there was no answer. Unable to stand it anymore he left the hotel, hailed a cab and gave the driver Nina’s address.

  Nina and Trish lingered over dinner then parted ways outside of the restaurant. She rounded the corner to walk up the hill to her house and saw a figure sitting on the front steps. He looked good in a black leather jacket, long legs clad in jeans sprawled out in front of him, elbows resting on the step behind him: Joseph! I told him to call! She seesawed between annoyance at his presumptuousness and an excited thrill at seeing him again.

  He stood up to meet her. "Listen," he said. "I’m sorry for just showing up here. I’ve thought about you all day and I couldn’t stay away."

  Nina looked at him as he stood in front of her, so handsome and appealing. She couldn’t resist him. If she let him upstairs with her now she would lose any control of the situation. He would have the upper hand, deciding whatever future was before them. With a sigh she walked into his arms and told herself that he was worth the risk.

  Upstairs they took off their coats and shoes and went straight to the bedroom.

  "Would you take off your pants?" Joseph said.

  Nina giggled, "Sure thing." She went over to the bed, sat down and slipped out of her jeans and underwear. Then she lay down and gave him a clear view of everything. He walked over to her, his heated gaze never leaving the exposed space between her legs. "Man!" he whispered hoarsely.

  "What are you waiting for?" Nina said, and felt a burning ache spread through her. Her pelvic muscles contracted involuntarily. She couldn’t wait to be filled up by him.

  Joseph dropped his pants around his ankles and buried himself in her. They both cried out simultaneously as he drew back and pushed into her again. The soreness from their previous lovemaking felt like exquisite pain to Nina. She bent one knee and propped her foot against his shoulder while he drove into her with a measured pace, then she shifted her hips so that he came at her a little bit sideways. The delicious friction increased faster and faster until she climaxed. Joseph followed soon after and collapsed on top of her. He wound his fingers through her hair, trapped her head in his hands and kissed her, his breath coming in deep sighs. When their breathing had slowed he gently extricated himself and lay on his side next to her. They both drifted off to sleep.

  Although they had conflicting schedules, Joseph managed to be at her apartment every night, sometimes at three in the morning when she got home from work. Invariably, he spent the night, going off to the set early before she got out of bed. They couldn’t get enough of each other. He came to the club every night she worked. They'd been joined at the hip for a month now. Still, he avoided talking about the future.

  One morning on Nina’s day off Joseph asked her if she would like to come down to the location where they were filming and have lunch with him that day. Nina had never been to a film shoot, and being naturally curious, she agreed.

  "There’s only a few days left…" Joseph began.

  Nina covered his mouth with her hand. "Don’t tell me when it’s done. I don’t want to know when you’re going back to LA. Don’t tell me until right before you leave." Privately, she was pleased that he wanted to show her where he worked. Everyone at the club knew about Joseph, but the only person associated with Joseph that knew about their relationship was Trevor. His willingness to show her to the cast and crew could mean that he actually thought of them as a couple.

  At one o’clock Nina arrived at the location. A guard directed her past the barriers to where Joseph stood talking to another actor that Nina recognized. His name was John Chapman.

  Joseph waved her over. She walked up to the pair and before she could say anything the man reached out and shook her hand saying effusively, "Hello! It’s good to finally meet you! I heard they’ve wrapped up your movie."

  Nina looked down at the short, little cherub. He thinks I’m some actress! Nina played along and said, "Yes, we finished just last week."

  "I’m having a birthday bash for Marie next month. I want you and Joseph to come."

  "Of course we will," She answered. She took Josephs arm and led him a few steps away.

  "Exactly who does he think I am? Does he think I'm your wife?" she said quietly. "Who has just wrapped up a movie?"

  "I’m not married, Nina. He probably thinks you’re a woman I’ve been seeing in LA," Joseph admitted, downplaying the information.

  Nina felt her stomach drop. "You have a girlfriend," she stated.

  "I haven't seen her for three months. She's just someone I go out with," Joseph said.

  Nina wouldn't look him in the eye. "I’m leaving," she said, "all of a sudden I’m not feeling well."

  "Wait. What about lunch? Don’t leave! Talk to me!"

  "What’s there to talk about? Everything has just been said. How dare you put me in this humiliating position?" She looked at him then, glaring hatefully.

  "So, we’ll set him straight. It’s not a big deal. "Joseph tried to keep up with her as Nina, her back ramrod straight, started to walk briskly past the barriers the way she had come.

  "Joseph," she said through gritted teeth, "I’m leaving. Call me later okay." She stopped and patted his shoulder. "They’re looking at us," she said with a nod of her head to several people behind them. She gave him the barest brush of a kiss along his jaw and said again, "Call me later."

  She walked away and knew he was watching her. When she turned the corner she started running down the street to her car.

  Joseph watched her until she was out of sight. Shit! He wanted to kick himself for putting her in this situation. He was appalled that she’d found out this way. He felt a clutch of fear. Did he totally screw this up? Call her later? Right! I’m sure she wants me to call her.

  When the day's shoot was over, he went back to his hotel room and tried calling her three times with no success. He decided to back off. She was avoiding him. He thought about just letting the thing go, he was going home soon. But now he wasn’t so sure he wanted to go back to LA. He tried to imagine himself without Nina, but couldn't think about what that would be like. Every waking moment seemed to be filled with thoughts of her. And now, all he could think about was when he could be with her again. He was miserable without her. He rolled around in his bed tossing and turning, unable to sleep for thoughts of her swirling in his brain. After three days he decided that he couldn't take it anymore. He called her again thinking that he could somehow force her to talk to him.

  Nina screened calls through her answering machine. She lurked around her building before she went inside to make sure Joseph wasn’t waiting for her at the entrance as he had before. She was incensed. Snippets of memory rang bells in her mind. Two or three times he had answered his phone and told the caller he’d call back. He was waiting
to be alone so he could talk to his girlfriend without me overhearing, she fumed, thoroughly consumed with jealousy. She was also avid for information. Who was she? Were they living together? Why hadn’t he seen her for three months? Does she look like me? Is that why the guy thought she was her? She knew she would speak to him eventually but she had to cool off first. Also, she wanted to make him pay.

  On Friday, Nina was ready to go to the club when the speaker on her phone came on unexpectedly. Startled, she spun around towards the sound of Joseph's voice. With the ringer off, she didn’t know when calls came in. He was leaving her a message.

  "Nina? Are you there? Will you call me back? Please. I didn’t do this intentionally." After a pause the voice continued, "Look, if you won’t talk to me, I’m coming down to the bar to see you."

  Nina leaped for the phone, anxious to forestall him. She didn’t want him at the club. She didn’t want a scene in front of her people. She picked it up too late, he had hung up. She immediately dialed his number and he answered on the first ring.

  "So, you are there! You going to make me suffer some more or are you going to give me a chance to talk to you? And why don’t you have a cell phone?"

  "Because I’m one of those people that don’t find it necessary to have my face in a phone all the time," Nina said impatiently. "Look, don’t come to the bar, you’ll distract me and I won't be able to do my job. Meet me at my apartment around two thirty." She hung up the phone. Not leaving me much choice in the matter, she thought, irritated. Like a spoiled little boy who wants his way.

  Nina arrived home from work a little before two, dead tired. She’d been distracted at the club after all, scatter brained and cranky. She made mistakes on drink orders and didn’t give a very good performance on stage. By the time she arrived home, she felt even more irritable and touchy. Luckily, Joseph hadn’t arrived yet, so she took the time to clean up a little and change into a pair of sweats and T-shirt. He arrived exactly at two thirty. They sat down at the dining table eyeing each other warily. Nina still felt a lot of anger. She was angry at him for having control over her emotions and angry at herself for still feeling that pull of attraction that made her want to climb onto his lap and kiss him all over his handsome face.

  He began speaking, "I didn’t tell you about Karen because I knew you wouldn’t want to be with me." A shadow from the window fell across his face. "When I first saw you I was so attracted all I thought about was you. I didn’t say to myself ‘Oh boy there’s someone I can mess around with while I’m in town’. It wasn’t something that I planned. I haven’t seen Karen in three months and I don’t know what’s going on between us. I apologize if you felt humiliated. It was thoughtless and selfish of me."

  Nina looked at her hands folded in her lap. "Karen who?"

  "Karen Clark, she’s a… relatively unknown actress. She’s just finished her first leading role in a film that was shot in Spain."

  "Are you living together?"

  "No," he said.

  "And would she be pissed off if she knew you were boning some chick you met up here?"

  "She doesn’t know. And no, I don’t think she would be mad unless it interfered with her social standing in Hollywood. We don’t really talk about things like that. It’s kind of like an unspoken understanding between us. I know she has seen other people, too."

  "So, you guys have what you might call an open relationship?" Nina asked contemptuously.

  "I guess. Like I said, we’ve never really discussed it. Anyway, I didn’t tell you about her since I was only here for a short time I thought it would be apparent to you that I didn’t have to explain myself or tell you about my past or make excuses to you," Joseph said.

  "Yes, but it’s not really in your past is it? And if you’re going to put me in a situation where I have to be uncomfortable and humiliated, then yes, you do have to explain a little. Like, by the way, I’m connected to this actress in LA and so everyone at this film shoot that I’ve invited you to is going to look at you and think you’re my local piece of ass for the duration and isn’t that a big joke. How were you going to introduce me?"

  "Jesus, Nina! Nobody cares. No one would think anything of it!"

  "Well, I care!" Nina held back tears. How could she have deluded herself? Here he was, practically admitting that she meant nothing to him. It was fine before, when she could pretend he had feelings for her. But it was out in the open now. He had a girlfriend. There was no hope, never a chance for them and he knew it the whole time. She'd mistakenly believed that he felt the same way, but he'd played her, allowed her to think there was something more. He'd just taken her heart, dropped it on the ground and stomped on it. She struggled to regain her composure so he wouldn't see how badly hurt she was.

  "Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry if I’m making a big deal out it. It was just a fun ride, but I’m ready to get off now." She arranged her features into a weak smile and tried to act nonchalant. She got up from the table, walked over to the door, opened it and looked pointedly at him. "This is your cue," she said, her eyes flashing.

  Joseph gazed back at her with a look of alarm on his face."You’re kicking me out? Nina," he said nervously, "You don't mean that." He reached for her hand but Nina snatched it out of his grasp.

  "It was fun!" she said, still holding the door open. "Nice meeting you!"

  "I can't believe this," he whispered. He stood beside her for a moment and searched her face, apparently looking for the sweet, gullible woman of the past month. Then he walked out the door without another word.

  Nina closed the door behind him and went to the window that overlooked the street. She saw Joseph appear from under the front awning and get into an SUV down below. She watched the car until it was out of sight. Miserably, she went to her bedroom, crawled into bed, buried her face into her pillow and wept.

  Joseph felt awful. All Nina wanted was for him to tell her that he wouldn’t be with Karen anymore. That he wanted to be with her. That he would fly back and forth from LA to Seattle to see her. That he didn’t want to end it. That she made him happier than he’d ever been with a woman. He knew that was what she wanted to hear. But the truth was he didn’t know for sure. He couldn’t conjure Karen up in his mind, she had all but disappeared from existence this past month. But he had to know how he felt when he actually did see her again. Karen had landed back in LA a week ago and she called him constantly, wanting to know when he was returning. They had a history together and he felt an obligation towards her. He knew he had to let Nina go. But, did she have to be so mean about it? I hurt her, he realized. Completely botched it all to hell. He spent the entire ride back to his hotel in distress, brooding out the car window. He wanted to tell Trevor to turn around and go back. But he told himself he had responsibilities. His part was done in Seattle. He had to go home.

  FOUR

  JOSEPH'S dream was extremely sexy. Nina was on top of him, riding him. Her hands were on his chest and her legs were spread wide, knees bent on either side of him. She made a little ‘uh’ sound with each thrust. Her head was thrown back and he had one hand around her throat, the other hand crushing her right breast. At the moment when he knew she was about to come, he awoke with a start and reached over to the other side of the bed. Instead of Nina he found Karen, her blonde hair spread over the pillow. She was sleeping deeply but Joseph rolled over and prodded her with his erection anyway, forcing her awake. Staying half asleep she turned on her back and opened her legs for him. Joseph pushed into her dryness and after five or six quick thrusts came inside her prematurely.

  Well, that was par for the course, he thought and went to shower. He was going to have to end it with Karen. He knew it the minute he saw her at the airport when she threw her arms around him. She had kissed him passionately and it was all he could do not to wipe the greasy lipstick off his mouth. They had spent the last week together as if nothing was amiss. To her it was the same as usual between them. Joseph wondered if she was deliberately indifferent to his manner tow
ards her, or if she really was dumber than a box of rocks. She looked more beautiful—tan, healthy, and even blonder from her weeks in the sun. But when he looked at her naked body, his brain wanted to rearrange the parts to be Nina’s. Nina’s skin and her breasts, her awesome, pile driving ass. His body responded reluctantly to Karen, but he felt disconnected when they had sex. Her breast implants no longer turned him on. They seemed to him these mildly comical attachments that swayed and puckered with gravity and manipulation. Plastic sacs filled with fluid that just happened to be surrounded by skin. Once, when they were having sex, they were sliding up and down across her chest and he had a vision that if they coasted right up into her neck, she would look like a bullfrog. He had to use all his will power to keep himself hard inside her. His mind just wasn’t with her.

  Karen got on his nerves. Problem was breaking this news to Karen. He didn’t think she would mind too much, she had gotten a lot of attention lately and wouldn’t be lacking in male company. As he stood under the hot water he thought about what he would say to her. He had to make it clear that he didn’t want to see her again.

  When he came into the kitchen, he smelled coffee and saw Karen talking on the phone. Would she ever get off that phone? It seemed the only time she wasn’t chattering non-stop was when she was asleep. Like she couldn’t bear to be silent. Maybe then she’d have to contemplate the fact that she really was a shallow, vain, attention sucking snob. She was all ‘Miss Popular’ now and taking advantage of every minute of it. Well, she could shine without him around.

  "Can I talk to you a minute?"

  She got off the phone and started to launch into what he knew would be an account of every word of the conversation she had just had. Joseph interrupted her, "This isn’t working out for me."