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Karen stared at him, her blue eyes wide with confusion.

  "What’s that supposed to mean?"

  "It means that I don’t want to see you anymore," Joseph said.

  "Joseph, baby!" She came around and knelt at the foot of the kitchen chair where he sat. Winningly, she smiled up at him. "You don’t mean that!" She placed her palm over the crotch of his jeans and started rubbing. "What can I do to make it better?"

  The friction of her hand irritated him. "I do mean it, Karen. I don’t want to see you again." She unzipped his pants. "Christ!" He got up from the chair and zipped himself up. "How can I say it without being cruel? I’m not coming back."

  "Well, I guess you just did say it, didn’t you?" Karen scrunched up her face like she was going to cry. She covered her face with her hands and let out a phony sob.

  Joseph picked up his keys and headed for the door. "You’re acting. I can tell."

  "So, now are you going back to your little piece of ass?"

  Joseph stopped in his tracks.

  "I heard about that woman in Seattle. Are you really going to go back to some little nobody that you met in a bar?"

  "What I do now is no longer any of your business!" Joseph shouted, pissed off. How dare she bring up Nina! He went out the door, got into his car and drove to his house where he called a friend who invited him to a party. Tonight he’d forget about Karen, and he’d try to forget about Nina.

  Karen sat unfazed at the table, thinking deeply. He thought she was stupid. Men were the ones that were so stupid and infantile! They couldn’t see that she played the dumb blonde. It helped her get her way. All she had to do was lead them around by their dicks. They were all so utterly predictable. Deep down inside she hated them all. She wanted to be a star and she would use and abuse, lie and cheat, and run over anyone who got in her way.

  She knew about the woman in Seattle. She’d spent a lot of time and effort trying to network in this business and if networking meant she had to trade her body, so be it. She used men, no matter how low on the totem pole they were. Like Louis, a key grip who had worked on a lot of films for Fast Media pictures. She’d met Louis on her last film in which she’d played a hooker with only five lines. Not the choicest of parts but Harry Davis was in the lead role and she would have done anything in order to get close to the star of several action films, which had grossed millions at the box office. Unfortunately, her scenes weren’t with the handsome actor. Plus, his wife was on the set taking up every free moment between takes. Not even trying to hide her disappointment, she’d accepted Louis’s fumbling overtures. Twice she’d allowed him to grope her, never letting it go beyond a few awkward embraces and clumsy kisses. Her lip curled, remembering how he had slobbered all over her. She shrugged and reminded herself that Louis could be useful.

  She’d called him when she got back from Spain about a week before Joseph finished the filming of Anne Greenfields new movie.

  "Hey Louie! Are you in Washington? I heard you got that gig in Seattle. How’s the weather?"

  "Yeah, guess what? It’s cold and raining! What’s it to you?" She heard him snuffle, and then blow his constantly runny nose.

  "What’s wrong, hon? You don’t like me anymore?"

  "Yeah, well you were supposed to meet me at the Lighthouse for dinner and you never showed up. I called you like, three times and you never answered your phone!"

  "Louis! I’m so sorry!" Karen gasped, allowing surprise and regret to creep into her voice. "I got a call from my mother. My sister left treatment again; did I tell you my sister has a drug problem? Well, my mom is so broken up about it and I got all caught up on the phone with her. I had to talk to her for two hours before she calmed down. I just completely forgot! My sister is so messed up. She went through detox for the third time, then went back to the methadone clinic and then got a dirty UA the second week she was there! They kicked her out and she can’t go back until after sixty days. So, she was staying at my moms and ripped off my mom's emerald ring to sell for drugs! My mom was just hysterical!"

  Everything she’d said was true. She did have a sister, Karla, who was addicted to heroin. Karla did go into treatment, then was kicked out of treatment and ended up stealing the ring from her mother’s jewelry box. Only thing was, it happened six months before and neither she nor her mother had heard from Karla since.

  "Geez, Karen. I guess that’s okay, then." As she knew he would, Louis accepted this explanation. He was just pretending to be indignant. He wanted one thing from her, and though he might pretend to be annoyed, she still had all the power until he got what he wanted.

  "Let me make it up to you. How about we meet for lunch when you get back? I promise to be a good girl," she added

  "Well, alright then. That’s more like it!"

  "I just want you to do me an itty bitty favor. While you’re there in Washington could you check on Joseph? I’ve been trying to call him and the guy’s not answering his phone! I just want to know if he’s, well you know, otherwise occupied. I really hate to be kept in the dark on these things."

  "What? You mean is he screwing someone else?" Louis asked. "I heard something about a woman he's been seeing here in town."

  "You have to give me a little more than that, sweetie! Could you find out who it is and how long he's been seeing her?" Karen felt a tiny, tentacle of anger creep up her spine. She knew it! Guys are all the same!

  "Um, okay I can do that, I guess. What do I get if I do?" Already she could hear the excitement in his voice. What an idiot! She was going to have to give up something more than a couple of squeezes of her boobs when she saw him, if she could get out of seeing him at all.

  "Well, first you have to give me more on the situation. You give me some good information and I’ll give you something good in return." There! That should get his motor running and make him follow through on her request.

  "Okay! So, we meet for lunch right when I get back right? Where you wanna meet?"

  "How about Armando’s? You let me know the minute you get back and we’ll set up a time."

  "Fantastic! And hey, Karen? Wear that blue top again, man that thing is bangin’!"

  "Sure, hon. I’ll see if I can find it." Karen disconnected the call. She had no idea which top he was talking about.

  Louis had phoned in his report later. He’d overheard one of the drivers talking about taking Joseph to a bar in downtown Seattle. Louis had found out the name of the bar and gone there three nights in a row until he saw Joseph and the woman getting cozy at a table.

  Karen was annoyed, but not overly concerned because Joseph was still behaving as if everything was fine when they spoke on the phone, though most of those calls were made and received while he was on the set. She hadn’t lost control yet, and in her scheming brain, control meant information. She wanted to know everything he was doing at all times. He had done this before and had always come back to her as if nothing happened.

  Now that he seemed determined to break up with her, all she had to do was apply herself diligently to reacquaint him with her irresistible allure. Who wouldn’t want a gorgeous, sexy thing like her? He would soon realize that they were a good team. Besides, she needed him. He had a lot of experience and connections in the business and she wanted him by her side when her movie premiered.

  She got Louis on the phone again and asked if he would do a little extra work for her. Louis agreed to spy on Joseph but only after she promised that she would eventually have sex with him. She recalled the lunch date at Armando's with distaste. It had ended in the parking lot with her giving him a hand job in his car as he pinched and squeezed her breasts. That was bad enough but, yuck! As if! She had no intention of letting that slime ball actually penetrate her. But he would never know that. She would stall him and when his usefulness ended she would kick him to the curb.

  Joseph sat across from Peter Benson in his office and sorted through a pile of scripts on the desk between them. Peter was a thin wisp of a man, barely reaching five foot seven. His short black ha
ir was gelled straight up and he was meticulously dressed in a dark blue Brooks Brothers suit. He’d been Joseph’s agent for ten years and the two got along well together. With his narrow, vulpine features and unassuming manner, he had landed several choice parts for Joseph and he trusted him completely.

  "By the way," Peter said casually, "The pilot has been added to the fall season."

  "What! You let me sit here for twenty minutes before telling me that?" Joseph threw the pile of papers on the desk and sat forward eagerly. He had the lead role in a pilot that was filmed a over month ago in March. Word was the show was already being touted as a hit series.

  Peter handed him another sheaf of papers and then arranged the pile of scripts in precise angles on his desk. "I wanted to build up to the moment, my man. Make you realize just how grateful you should be to me. You start taping episodes June fourteenth. And before you get all excited, remember you are committed to that scene in Las Vegas."

  "Yes, yes. I’ll do the homeless guy who gets killed by the car driving into the building," Joseph said impatiently, his attention on the script for the next episode.

  "You do death very well, better than anyone in the business. I heard that you and Karen are quits," Peter segued, quirking an eyebrow.

  "Who?" Joseph said distractedly. Of course Peter had heard about it. Karen was also one of his clients.

  "You know," Peter explained patiently, "the blonde with the big knockers?"

  "That covers about half the women in this area code." Joseph hadn’t gotten much sleep and he was tired. At the party last night he’d gone home with some girl. What was her name? Jenny? Janet? A little elfin girl with pink hair. She had come on strong, draping herself all over him, making it clear that she was his for the taking. When they got to her place, she was on him like a cat. They had sex on the floor of her living room, and then again in her bed. She was hot and passionate, clinging to him, biting his shoulder, pulling his hair. Her orgasm was probably faked, but it wasn’t too bad of a performance. He didn’t care anyway. He left as soon as he possibly could and had absolutely no desire to see her again. In his jacket pocket he found a scrap of paper with her number scribbled on it. Without a second thought he threw it in the trash. He knew he was being an asshole. He didn’t care about that either.

  "You don’t seem too happy about it," Peter said.

  Joseph opened his mouth to tell him he could give a rat's ass about Karen, what came out was, "I met this girl."

  Peter gave him a sharp look. "And?"

  "I left her in Seattle." Joseph realized that someone different wasn’t going to help him forget about Nina. It wasn’t that. He could have all the strange he wanted. But it wouldn’t be her. Her sweet face, the familiar way she looked at him and the effortless way she moved.

  "So?" Peter picked up the phone, held it out to Joseph and said, "Call her."

  "It’s not that easy."

  "Why? Doesn’t she feel the same way about you?"

  "Yes, she feels the same way." In every look, every touch, and every word that came out of her mouth. But he couldn’t just casually call her and ask her for a date. If he got in touch with her, he'd have to commit himself to her. She'd accept nothing less from him and she deserved it. The thought frightened him. He needed some time to sort things out before he got himself another girlfriend.

  Peter smirked, "Joseph, I think for the first time in your life you’re whipped. What’s the problem? You want her, she wants you. Seems like a no-brainer to me."

  Joseph was once again lost in thought. An image of Nina’s lush curves and soft skin appeared in his mind and he felt a tug of desire. Damned inconvenient! He couldn’t help finding humor in the situation. Well, he was just going to have to deal with it.

  He got up to leave. "Maybe I’ll call her. But not now."

  "Don’t wait too long, my friend. Life is short. I’m hoping you can come to my party the same week your new show starts. I’ve got Shandra as the guest of honor. You can fill me in on how it went."

  "I might," Joseph said.

  FIVE

  NINA entered her apartment with two bags of groceries. She dropped them on the floor and looked around her apartment. Inside, everything seemed dark and gloomy. The gray fog that was Seattle’s weather on this day permeated the large room, making everything seem damp and moldy. She gazed upon all the furnishings, the crusty plates of food on the coffee table in front of the sofa, the stack of dishes sticking out of the sink in the kitchen, the two bags of trash sitting by the front door that she hadn’t bothered to take down to the dumpster, and said aloud into the empty room, "Mother fuck."

  In the two weeks since Joseph had left, she’d spent most of the time walking around like a zombie. Every time she looked in the mirror, she saw haunted eyes peeking out from her pale face. She couldn’t sleep and guzzled Nyquil every night before she went to bed. Good stuff, she thought drearily. She felt drained, and totally without the energy to prepare the food she had brought from her three-block trek to the store.

  The first week after Joseph’s departure, Nina continued with her life as usual, hoping that just by going through the motions she would forget him quickly. She trudged here and there and saw his face, heard his voice in everything. Every mundane detail reminded her of him. She felt raw and vulnerable like an open wound. She knew that she would need some alone time to work this through and get past it. She informed her brother that she would be taking some time off, and briefly spoke with Trish asking her if she could cover for her at the club.

  "You’ve only known him a month," Trish said.

  "Yes, but that was the longest relationship I’ve had in three years. I saw him every day and, like you said, I gave him my all," Nina said. Trish didn’t understand her misery. To Trish, men were expendable. In fact she was a little like a man herself, treating the dating game as one big playground. Nina was waiting for true love. Even through all her cynicism she believed unequivocally that there was someone out there waiting just for her. Every time she allowed herself to hope and every time she was disappointed, she felt as if she’d been cheated. It forced her to contemplate a future that might not include a partner and that realization was a crushing blow. She had allowed herself to fall in love and she hated herself for it. She liked everything about him. Except for the slight clash in their career choices, they seemed perfectly compatible. Although Nina wasn’t much interested in film making, she and Joseph were both performers and artistic. There really wasn’t that much of division between music and film. The most important thing about Joseph was the way she felt when she was with him. Like she could conquer the world—fearless and carefree, like nothing else mattered. There was a sense of rightness and belonging that Nina had never felt with anyone else. She'd seen a bright and beautiful future with him.

  Trish did not probe further and Nina appreciated her restraint. Maybe Trish knew there was nothing she could do to help ease her suffering. Nina sensed that she felt partly responsible for encouraging her, but she couldn’t summon up the energy to tell her it was alright and that it wasn’t her fault.

  George came over one day and questioned her closely. Nina could see the worry in his round face. She brushed him off and then felt guilty about it later. She knew she should confide in him. He was, in every respect, her real father. The last twenty-five years he’d stood by her, comforted her when she was unhappy and supported her when she was uncertain. Finally, he’d left the apartment unsatisfied with her explanation of needing some time to herself.

  She forced herself to walk to the store today because she had an idea that some Mexican food might cheer her up. Sleeping and eating. Too bad I’m not one of those severely depressed people who can’t eat, she thought. I’ll just gain ten pounds. I’ll stuff my face. And then, to top off the day, I’ll fall asleep on the couch with the TV on again. She unpacked the ingredients of her meal, and, as she feebly applied herself to the task of chopping vegetables, the phone rang.

  Her head came up. She hadn’t been
answering the phone lately. Making small talk seemed to be beyond her powers of social aptitude lately. Besides she would be expected to answer questions, because surely this person calling will have some of those for her. She stared listlessly at the phone, poised with a cucumber in one hand and a butcher knife in the other, counting the rings.

  She had to talk to someone sometime. If she didn’t answer her phone, sooner or later more people would come over and knock on her door and that would be ten times worse. She plucked up the receiver a bare second before the answering machine kicked on. Believing it was probably Trish she answered with an upbeat tone in her voice.

  "Hello?"

  At the other end she heard a male voice say hesitantly, "Hey."

  Nina's whole body froze and she stood at attention.

  "Joseph. You’re calling me," she said stupidly.

  "Yes, I am." She heard amusement in his voice.

  Through the miserable swamp of her brain Nina felt a small stirring of hope. Was he back in Seattle? It was possible. Then the hope died. If he is in Seattle then this is probably a booty call. He’s got some nerve!

  "How you been?" he said softly.

  "Where are you?"

  "I’m in LA," he said, as if this should be obvious to her.

  "Oh. Hey buddy! What’s going on? How’s the weather? How’s your girlfriend? Why are you calling?" Nina asked.

  She heard him suck in his breath, and then speaking very low he said, "I miss you."

  "Really?" She squeaked.

  "Yes, really," Joseph said. "You know I’ve been thinking. I’m not happy. What are we doing? I want to be with you. Will you come down here and see me?"

  Several seconds of silence passed as Nina waited for more.

  Finally she said, "I don’t do three ways."

  "I broke it off with her. Please forgive me. Will you give me another chance? I miss you so much," he said again. "I can’t stop thinking about you."

  Could there have been more beautiful words spoken? Nina felt infused with happiness. Relief washed over her in soft waves. He was single! He wanted her! She knew that she should play hard to get, but she brushed the thought away. Nina didn’t play games and he was the only one who could get her out of this black hole she had fallen into. A bubble of hilarity welled up in her throat and escaped from her in two short bursts of laughter into the phone.