9781618850638IfOnlyYouKnewBergman Read online

  “Hello,” I said, sounding like a wounded dog.

  “What the hell happened with you leaving me here?”

  I continued crying and that’s when her voice seemed a little bit calmer and softer.

  “Marley, what happened, girlfriend? Tell me, you sound awful. Never mind, Andrew and I are on our way over right now!”

  She hung up and I put the phone down and continued crying even more.

  You have to understand something about me, if you hadn’t figured it out already; I have been taunted and ridiculed all my life, for as long as I can remember.

  During those years of being made fun of and laughed at because of my weight, I had decided to just put things off on the “Proverbial Back Burner.” And for years and years, that burner was getting bigger and bigger, and the insults started to overflow that burner.

  With Laura’s insults and with the fact that my feelings for Richard progressed even more, I went and let that burner exploded in a burst of emotion that had been building for years. And for some reason, I still couldn’t stop from crying.

  The buzzer echoed throughout my apartment. I walked up and pushed the button to let Marie and Andrew enter. When I opened the door, I went back to the couch and continued to finish the Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream that I had almost finished.

  “Oh my God, she’s eating now,” said Andrew as he walked over and sat down next to me, looking over the spread of food that I put down on the coffee table.

  “Marley, what the hell happened? What did that bitch say to you?” Marie asked, taking off her jacket.

  “She told me that she wanted me to stay away from her man. Said that I was in love with him, and I wasn’t fooling her at all with how I was acting around her. Oh yeah, she also told me that I needed to get my head out of those books and think in reality because no man would want to get with a fat bitch like me. I couldn’t handle it, Marie, I just couldn’t handle it, and I snapped and started crying.” Andrew gave me a hug as I stuffed my face with popcorn.

  “Sweetheart, if I had known that’s how she really was, damn I didn’t even know?” he said while rubbing my back.

  “You eating yourself to death like this not going to help either,” Marie said, taking the popcorn and ice cream from me.

  “I told Richard that he needed to talk with his lady and ask her what she said to you to make you so upset. He told me that he would. He seemed really upset that you were so upset and left during his moment in the sun.” I groaned as I continued chewing what was in my mouth.

  “You know, she told me that she is having a party at her apartment tomorrow evening, told me she wanted me to tell Marie about it. She said she was going to tell you about it, but I guess she hasn’t yet, huh?” Andrew asked as I got up to stretch and I looked at him as if he was crazy.

  “I don’t think so; she hasn’t said a thing to me about it. That was her plan all along anyway, not telling me about her party.”

  I had known Marie going on five years, and I always knew when she had that look in her eye, the look that she was up to something. “Alright, tomorrow we are going shopping for the party. We are going to make you look so damn good that Richard will wonder what he has been missing all of these years.”

  Chapter Five

  “How many stores have we been to today?” I asked, sipping my tea.

  “I think we have been to about ten already. I didn’t like any of the dresses I saw on you,” Marie said.

  “I swear, you sound more and more like my mom, we can do this all day long, and she never…”

  That’s when I stopped and realized that I was walking by myself. I looked around and saw Marie staring all bug eyed at this shop window. I walked over and she couldn’t stop looking at the window. So, I looked and my jaw dropped, right there was “the dress.”

  We both ran inside the boutique and saw the dress in three different colors. “Can she try these dresses on, please?” Marie asked the saleswoman as she quickly picked out three in my size.

  When I came out in the cream dress, Marie and the saleswoman both looked at me as I looked at myself in the mirrors. “I have always loved this dress; the empire bust line has always been flattering to full figured women. It shows off your best assets plus looks like it holds in your stomach,” she told me as she held my stomach.

  “So what do you think?” I asked, looking back at Marie.

  “I think it looks really good on you. I was going to ask you to try on the pink one, but I really do like the cream one. All you need is a pretty necklace, actually, no; you really don’t need one at all.” She smiled as she put her chin on my shoulder.

  “We’ll take it!” we both said, then started laughing.

  Marie made an appointment with her hairdresser at the salon she went to, for around seven thirty. “Lucky for us, the salon has a shower so you can take one before you get your hair done, plus you can get ready there. You will love Andre, he works miracles with my hair,” she told me as we walked out of the boutique.

  “Damn, hold on, that’s my phone.” She pulled it out of her pocket, “Hello? Richard, how are you? Fine, I’m doing just fine. Oh no, I haven’t heard from Marley since last night. She’s probably with Agnes at her office or something. Are you ready for tonight?”

  She looked at me wide eyed and I couldn’t help but giggle a little bit. “Well I’ll see you at the party. I have to go; Andre is waiting for me at the salon. See you tonight. Bye!” She started laughing as we continued on our way to her place.

  By the time Marie was ready, and I had come back from picking up some personal things from home, we went to the salon, and that’s when I met Andre.

  “Marie!” he squealed like a long lost friend. “Welcome, girlfriend, how are you, this must be Marley, oh my God, I can’t believe that I am right in front of Marley Rockford. I have read every one of your books, and I feel so honored right now to do your hair,” he said in such an outrageous accent that I didn’t know where the hell he was from.

  All I could do was smile as he shook my hand and walked me to his chair. “First things first, we have a shower. I know you want to freshen up before we do all this. Janice, can you show Marley where the shower is please?”

  I can tell you that I was pampered and well taken care of that afternoon. My hair washed and styled; I had a pedicure and a manicure along with my makeup done. I was going to be the princess of the ball.

  “So, when are you guys going to hurry it up?” Andrew asked, just arriving at the salon to go with us to the party.

  “She is almost done; they are doing her makeup right now. Are you somewhere near ready you guys?” Marie shouted back to us.

  “Alright, you guys, after primping and making miss thing the diva she deserves to be, I want to introduce to you, Ms. Marley Rockford,” Andre announced.

  When I walked out from the back, the look on both Marie and Andrew’s faces was good enough for me to know that I looked good.

  “Does the dress look ok? Does it show a lot of my breasts?” I asked, looking at myself in the mirror. I had to do a double take. “Oh my God, look at me.”

  I am gorgeous!

  “She wanted so badly to see herself in the mirror while we did her hair and makeup, but I never let her peak. I have to admit, she is one of my best works yet,” Andre said. I looked at Marie and I felt myself about to cry.

  “Well?” I said and she got some tissue to dab my eyes.

  “You look beautiful, Marley, and everyone will be jealous when we get to that party.” Marie smiled and hugged me.

  “Well ladies, let’s go.” Andrew said, opening the door for us.

  Man, I swear, I don’t think I was ever so nervous in my entire life, well maybe that time in the fifth grade when I had to give that speech in front of the entire school. Yeah, I take that back, this ranks up there with the all-time scariest moments of my lifetime.

  “Damn, your hands are sweaty, Mar, everything will be just fine.” Andrew squeezed my hand.

  I smiled
and took a deeper than deep breath as we slowly went up in a freight elevator. I could hear chatter and music going as we made it to our floor, and when Andrew opened the elevator, a charming guy was there to greet us. “Hello and welcome to the party. Let me take your coats ladies. My name is Colin and the bar is over there,” he said, flashing us his five thousand dollars worth of dental work.

  When we were walking over to the bar, everyone kept looking at me, making me kind of uncomfortable, but I thought that as soon as I drank something that maybe I would calm down.

  Well that didn’t last long, when I turned around, I saw Laura and Richard walking into the room with a bunch of friends from outside. Both were smiling and laughing. Laura was talking with her friends, and Richard walked over to some other folks. Then he looked my way, and his jaw dropped so far to the ground that I swear it had to go through the floor.

  “He saw me and he’s coming this way, oh my God,” I said as he came toward us.

  Each step he took, my heart seemed to jump out of my chest. “Wow, you look, wow, Marley, you look stunning.” He stammered as he kept looking at me.

  All I could do was smile as I saw Laura come toward us. She took one look at me, and her pretty smile faded fast.

  “Hello you guys. Hello, Marley, nice dress,” she said in a tone that was as flat as stale beer.

  “Thanks.”

  “Is everyone ready to eat, please help yourself. Don’t worry, there is plenty. After everyone is full, Richard has a special announcement to make. Enjoy everyone!” she shouted as everyone made their way to the buffet meal.

  I had to admit, she put out a pretty good spread, even though she really didn’t cook anything. The whole thing was of course catered. I kept looking for Richard then noticed him watching me; everywhere I went he watched my every move.

  You got his attention girl; go for it now!

  I started walking in his direction, and that’s when she stepped in front of me.

  “You think that just because you’re wearing that dress and all made up that you’re going to get him. You had better think of something or somebody else, Richard is mine. He will always be mine; do you hear me? Stay the fuck away from him or you’ll regret it. Do you really think that he would want to be with someone that looks like you, when he can be with me?”

  I had to remember that this was her house, her party, and her friends. So, by the time I counted to twenty, I calmed down and walked around her, toward Richard.

  “Attention everyone, Richard, sweetheart, would you come over here please?” she shouted as he started to make his way over.

  Laura 1…Marley 1…looks like a tie folks, this could go into sudden death!

  “Well everyone, as you know Laura is supposed to be going to France for 2 months to do some modeling. She asked me if I wanted to go, and I told her I would think about it. I’ve decided to go with her and I’m excited, very excited indeed.”

  Everyone started clapping and some whistled, but you kind of block all of that out when your heart is slowly breaking. Everything sounded so muffled, and I tried my best to keep a stiff upper lip during the whole thing. I took another deep breath and started clapping as I saw the expression on Laura’s face.

  ‘I got him now’…that’s what she is saying to me.

  Marie saw how I was looking and put her hand on my shoulder. We started walking outside toward the terrace as I gulped the champagne.

  “I am so sorry, Marley.”

  I didn’t say anything as I looked at the sky.

  “I’ll be right back.”

  She walked away, and I tried to keep my emotions from coming out because, even though I looked so pretty on the outside, inside, I felt so low.

  Marie returned…with Richard by her side.

  “Richard, Marley wanted to talk with you. I will leave you two alone.” She smiled as she left the terrace and closed the door behind her.

  “You wanted to talk with me, Marley,” He took my hand and twirled me around as I smiled at him. “And by the way, you look gorgeous.”

  “Well, I wanted to talk with you about something that has been on my mind for a very long time now and I need to tell you. I don’t know how you’re going to react to what I am going to tell you, but I just want you to know that it’s from the heart. I am so in love with you, Richard. It’s been this way since we first met back in college, all those years I kept my feelings for you to myself, and Andrew and Marie. But I thought if I told you how I felt that I would lose you, and I couldn’t bear losing you. You mean everything to me, Richard.”

  I watched for some expression to come over his face, he looked so shocked. I could feel his hand squeezing mine as if to tell me, “Go on, I’m listening.”

  “I know that you’re into Laura, and I’m happy for you. At first, I got along with her because you liked her so much, but now, I can’t stand to be in the same room with her. Tonight, she’s been making snide remarks toward me about my dress and how I am not going to get you and shit. I don’t care if I don’t get you, all I wanted you to know is that I love you so very much, and I’ll always love you, no matter what. It’s been eating me up so badly inside all this time, and with what’s been going on lately, I had to tell you how I felt.” I could feel the tears rolling down my face.

  “I don’t know what to say, Marley. I didn’t want you to hear how she was rambling on the phone about where I was and all the other crap. I told her that you and I are friends, have always been friends for life. I hate that she acted so badly toward you. I don’t know what to say,” he said, running his fingers through his brown hair.

  The expression was enough to make me really start crying. He was in shock, complete and utter shock, but then I saw him smile.

  “Of all the girls I’ve been with, I should have known that I had the best one right here with me all along.”

  I started laughing as I wiped tears from my eyes. He came up to me and wiped a tear from my cheek that I missed. His eyes sparkled at mine, as he stood closer to me. We were so close on that terrace, God I felt like I was going to melt at that moment.

  “Richard!”

  What the hell does this woman have, physic powers or something?

  “Laura, how are you?” he stammered, moving quickly away from me.

  “What the hell are you doing with my man?” she shouted, storming her way toward me.

  Believe me; I was ready for whatever she had to dish out.

  “We were just out here talking, Laura, that’s all.”

  “It doesn’t seem like you were, you guys were too close to be just talking. What is really going on, Richard?”

  “You really want to know what is going on Laura. I told Richard that I was in love with him. Yes, in love with him, I’ve always been in love with him, since our school days. I just didn’t know how to tell him how I felt; I had the chance to do it tonight. So that is what we were talking about, Law-rah.” I emphasized her name in a fake southern drawl that even tickled Richard a little, forcing him to try his best not to laugh.

  “How dare you try to embarrass me in front of all of my friends? Your soul purpose the entire time that me and Richard have been together was to break us up, you fat bitch!”

  “Laura!” shouted Richard in shock.

  That’s when she threw her glass of red wine in my face. It stung my eyes as I rubbed it out. I looked down at my dress and saw that big stain of wine going down the front of it, and that’s when I slapped the taste out of her mouth. It was hard because it made several folks from the inside come out to see what was going on.

  She held her cheek, looked at me in horror, and started to cry, “You fucking bitch, how dare you hit me!” she shouted, still holding her cheek.

  “You’re the bitch, and don’t worry, you’ll be getting my cleaning bill for ruining my dress. I am out of here!” I went inside to clean myself off.

  Marie handed me some napkins as I went to get my coat. Marie and Andrew had gotten their coats and walked out with me. I looked a
t Richard; he was so in shock at all that happened.

  I mean, who wouldn’t be blown away by this turn of events.

  First, he has an awesome night at his gallery, then tells everyone that he’s going to France with his girlfriend, and now, his best friend tells him how she feels about him and slaps the hell out of his girlfriend. Yeah, I am surprised he didn’t die right there.

  When I got home, I took off my clothes and took a shower. When I came out of the shower, the phone rang. I didn’t even bother answering it. I was still in a mood from hell.

  “Marley, it’s me, Richard. Listen, I wanted to talk with you, and I know your there right now, so please answer the phone.”

  I looked at the phone again, still not bothering to answer it.

  * * * *

  Except for hearing from my mom, Agnes, or Marie, I didn’t answer the phone or respond to any of Richard’s numerous calls.

  The rest of my week consisted of keeping busy with book signings around the city. I kept my mind occupied with other events, other than the “coming out” party that happened. I decided the best thing for me would be to get away from the city, to go out to the country with my parents.

  “I will call you when I get there Marie, and please, don’t tell Richard where I am going, ok?” I hung up the phone after I heard my seat number called.

  Getting my purse and bag, I made my way down the tunnel to my plane. It wouldn’t be long before I was on my way back home.

  My dad was there to greet me once I got off the plane. I hadn’t told him or my mom about why I came back home, only that I needed a break from the city and some time back home would do me good.

  “Here is my baby girl!” he smiled as I walked into his open arms and gave him a hug. We got my bag and soon we were on our way home.

  “Your momma has been cooking all of your favorite things, and your grandma can’t wait to see you either,” he told me as I sat in silence. “Is there anything wrong baby?” he asked, putting his hand on mine.